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hospitalized? - October 27th 2017, 10:14 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i am not quite sure what to do right now..
tomorrow my mum wants to take me to the hospital to get me all checked out because she says i sleep too much, the vomiting, and other stuff, but she doesn't realize none of this is mental health related but rather drug related (we just now had a talk about how i might be depressed and how she sees the signs). she has no clue i've been addicted to h for over a month now. yes, i am also depressed but i see the signs of mania becoming more frequent as well...

and tomorrow on the ride to the hospital, i am not sure if i might not want to ask her about admitting me to the psych ward (also prior to our conversation about being depressed).

another thing is i would need to give up my drug use and i just don't want that. i want to keep doing it.. well that's probably why it's called an addiction.. it's not even about the withdrawals anymore, i am nearly through with those for the second time and they were awful but i just need the h.. i don't know how to live without it.. and if i should really be admitted to the psych ward then i'm thinking when getting out i should maybe buy more...

right now i just feel very VERY tired, which is unusual because i've been dizzy all day from taking too much xanax last night... maybe i should take another tab of xanax and just chill out..

i don't know what to do, honestly, i can't deal with the outside world anymore and all i want to be is alone and do my own thing and stuff...
i don't even know how i was able to type all of this anymore... i am so emotionally tired.. before i was overwhelmed and pressured.. now i am extremely tired.. i don't even know what to do with myself anymore...

and thinking about it, right now i don't even want to be hospitalized.. like i don't know.. going to programs.. trying to get better.. right now i just feel all itchy and tired and i just want it all to stop.

"We drift away
Diffusing light
Confusing times
Growing up
Or cascading down?
Cascading down
I'm hurting now"

- EDEN // crash

feel free to PM or VM me if you need someone to talk to, i always have a listening ear and i never judge anyone.

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Re: hospitalized? - October 27th 2017, 11:03 PM

I think that going to the hospital could be beneficial. They could assess you and figure out what you might need help with and then they might be able to help you find those resources. I think the fact that you are considering it shows that there is a part of you, even if it's small, that does want to get better or, at the least, doesn't want to keep living the way you are.

I think it would definitely be a good idea to discuss it with your mom and go from there. It will be difficult and you might not like the hospital but it could be helpful. Also, if you talk to your general practitioner about everything that is going on, they might be able to refer you or help you find resources without having to go to the hospital. But, you would have to be honest about the things you are dealing with.

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