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Arion Offline
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Name: Arion
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Location: USA

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Join Date: November 10th 2014

Its best to keep everything to myself anyway... - November 1st 2017, 05:22 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Recently I got a job, and its pretty great, but in order to get enough money a week to pay for things I need to work about 23-30 hours a week... whenever I tell others they say that 30 is a lot or say I need to focus on school... however school is extremely painfully easy for me and that's with all honors and advanced classes. I'm very good at budgeting and time management. I have a lot of skills that are good for adult like that i picked up due to my current abusive... situation at home... But whenever they say theses things I almost want to yell at them that I'm trying to do what it takes to be happy and.... not have that urge to kill myself all the time...... the res so much in my past/present... bullying, multiple sexual assaults... abusive home... I have a boyfriend and I'm also not sure how to properly give affection or communicate but I'm learning from him... I have a deadline however on this... happiness that ive carefully planned out ... and if i miss it, I know I'll want to commit the act more than before and it'll grow at a faster rate until it sparks physical pain... But I'm trying to hold out and reach my goals and be content...

If you have any tips for making money online also feel free to share.
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del677 Offline
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Re: Its best to keep everything to myself anyway... - November 1st 2017, 09:34 AM

Sounds like you are doing fine. You can always adjust your life to keep that balance. You know how much you can handle.

We're always adjusting our lives. Too much, I cut back. Too little, I add more.

You also know better than anyone what you want to focus on right now. Or how you want to balance work/school. Some people like all school, some people links all work, some like a little of both.

There's other things to learn besides academics. As you say, how to give affection, how to receive affection, how to communicate; all things one coming from an abusive past would need to learn. Congratulations on learning that! Glad you have a boyfriend willing to work with you on that and give you the positive experiences you need.

Best wishes. College was easy for me, though it depended if I had a good teacher and a good book. Socializing was difficult, and there were no classes I could take in that.
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