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uhohmykokoro Offline
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Unhappy This house is not a home. - November 22nd 2017, 02:36 AM

(Props to me for thinking of this title. I suppose that’s one perk of being depressed—I get extremely creative, sometimes.)

I guess I’ll cut to the chase. I can’t stand my mother.

Now I know what some of you are thinking—how could I say that about my mother? Well, if you’re asking, you’ve never had the misfortune of being mistreated in such a way. Congratulations.

I really don’t know what her problem is. I wish I could understand why Mom is so belligerent and hateful. We fight constantly. At least twice a week, I retreat to my room, crying my eyes out.

I can’t wait until I go to college. I try not to make this known, but I don’t plan on coming home that often (she heard me say it once and freaked out, starting a completely different argument).

My sister and I try to reason with her occasionally, to get her to see what she’s doing. Let’s just say that Mom doesn’t take well to being criticized. She denies anything and everything that she doesn’t want to hear.

Is it bad that I wish she was physically abusive? People don’t have any sympathy for you unless you’re being hit, as shown by the people I attempted to reach out to. Hell, Mom even says it herself, “At least I’m not hitting you!” As if that justifies everything. I mean, I suppose it isn’t that bad, but that doesn’t give her a free pass to put all of your problems on your kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my mother. I’m lucky to have someone to take care of me. But the good she has done is becoming obscured by the pain she causes me day by day.

I’m not necessarily asking for advice. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

(I typed this on my phone, so I apologize in advance for errors.)

Last edited by uhohmykokoro; November 24th 2017 at 04:00 AM.
   
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Re: This house is not a home. - November 22nd 2017, 08:04 AM

I totally get where you are coming from. It's not that uncommon for people to be unable to stand one another. You seem to be able to stand her. What makes her so unbearable? I can understand how arguing more than normal might make you feel this way. one thing that might make you and her argue less is try compromising and doing some of the things that she asks of you right off the bat, rather than arguing about it for a couple hours. it is usually easier to just do it. This is really hard to do. trust me on that. I cut down my daily arguments with my mom to about one per week. argue about stuff worth arguing about.

If you need to talk just pm me.

hope I could help,

Keags


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Re: This house is not a home. - November 23rd 2017, 01:14 PM

Hey,

I can relate to this quite a bit because I had a similar relationship with my mother. She was very emotionally abusive but she was so good at hiding it that no one except my dad ever witnessed it. I know that I recently had a discussion with my brother and he made the comment that he thought my mom had always treated me well and I explained that she was terribly abusive. Emotional abuse, is something that does get ignored because people think that it's not harmful or whatever. I know, for years, my dad even ignored the emotional abuse my mom subjected us too and I think his reasoning was, partially, due to the fact that he was physically abused as a child and so he didn't understand that emotional abuse was just as bad and he thought, mistakenly, that having a mom around was the most important thing.

Anyway, it is hard to deal with a parent who is more emotionally abusive than physically because people make comments about us being lucky and needing to be grateful.

Here is the thing though, emotional abuse is STILL very damaging and it is perfectly okay for you to be hurt and angry at your mother.

I know, I am still angry at my mother but more so because I am realizing all the things I missed out on as a child and all the things I will miss out on as an adult.

There are definitely people that don't understand that some mothers aren't good at it and some mothers don't actually have that 'maternal' extinct.

I think with time, you will be able to find people who have had similar experiences as you because, unfortunately, there are a lot of abusive/mean parents out there.

If you can, maybe you can find someone to talk to about this? Maybe a school counselor or a friend? It might help to have someone to vent to or something like that. I know, I probably would have benefited in confiding to some people back when I was dealing with my mother.

Also, my mom used to justify her behavior the same way as your mom and looking back, the fact that she had to justify her actions shows that she knew what she was doing was wrong. It might be the same for your mom as well.

If you ever want to chat please feel free to message me.


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Re: This house is not a home. - November 24th 2017, 04:03 AM

Thank you for reading, you guys. Iím grateful that you two took the time to read my post. I hope you both had an amazing Thanksgiving
   
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Re: This house is not a home. - November 24th 2017, 10:21 PM

You're welcome and thank you for the kind response! I hope you were able to have a decent day yesterday as well.


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Re: This house is not a home. - December 3rd 2017, 05:44 AM

If I were you, I wouldn't take it all to heart. Some parents adopt the "tough love " method and sometimes it breeds more contempt than good. Also, i think that it would be good if you got more involved in stuff outside your house so that you won't have to spend as much time at home. My mom was like that, and because of that I didn't get to socialize and mix around as much as I would like, which led to some of the ..bad problems I'm facing right now. But that is another story really.

I also think that you should direct some of your frustrations towards other hobbies like maybe gym, food, trekking and stuff in order to relax your mind and not think bout things too much because sometimes the more you think bout the bad stuff, the worse it becomes.

Also, know that we're always here for you and that you can always rant to us.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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