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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Taylah Offline
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Question I want to kill myself - December 6th 2017, 05:07 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I want to kill myself. But not like kill myself. Like die and the only way I see that possible is to kill myself. I have plans. I've attempted before. Idk wtf to do with my life. I miss cutting myself every da and I've been clean for 4.5 years. I'm always going to be a weak little shit till I succeed at this.
I love my bf and I can't hurt him. Along with some promises I made friends -- 4 years ago


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to kill myself - December 6th 2017, 05:30 PM

Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this. It is wonderful that you we're able to come on and tell us about this and that you are having a hard time. Do you have anymore at school that you are able to talk to about this and let them know that you are having a hard time right now? Do you have a teacher that you trust a lot that you can sit down and talk with them or can you try going and talking with the school counselor? They can talk with you about this and help you too. Or do you have any friends that you can tell this to or you're parents.
Try going for a walk and putting on music and a funny movie or TV show that will make you laugh and to help pick you up too. I hope you will be ok soon. Hugs.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to kill myself - December 6th 2017, 06:04 PM

I'm no longer at school. And I do have people to tell I have told some but I get scared over their reactions and so I like to just rant it on here or other places
Thank you for the reply and I'll try some of those things


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to kill myself - December 6th 2017, 07:39 PM

Hey Taylah,

I am so sorry that you feel this way. I know how hard it is. I am so proud of you for staying cut free for 4.5 years. I know it seems like life isn't worth living and the only way you can get out is to die, or kill yourself. But life does get better and the pain goes away.

I know it is hard to find something to do with your life that you will feel good about. I have some suggestions. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere that is meaningful for you like: an LGBTQ center, animal shelter, reading to kids, a homeless shelter. That might help with finding something to do with your life.

As far as you thinking you are a weak little shit and it wont stop until you kill yourself, that isn't true at all. The people who suffer a lot are the strongest people.

I know it all sucks right now but it does get better. I used to HATE when people would say this to me because it never seemed to get better, but it has gotten a little better for me and I know it will for you too.

If you ever need to talk you know I am always here for you. You have my number for viber, my FB, and on here. Please reach out I am always her for you.

Your Friend,
Frankie<3



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Re: I want to kill myself - December 7th 2017, 04:59 AM

Life does get better for sure.

I do think that if I were you, I would think that its time to maybe get into some calming habits like books, helping others and also maybe just something new to perk you up. I understand that its tough keeping your frustrations to yourself.. but non-judgmental people who care because they want to see you happy are here.

You aren't a weak little shit, and the fact that you're still around after all that you have been through shows more strength than a lot of other people you might view as "stronger " than you.

You have a lot to give , and the world will show you magic and intrigue in return. Please know that it's worth it to live.

Much kindness and warmth,
Darren


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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I want to kill myself - December 7th 2017, 06:00 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are struggling. You should be proud of yourself for going so long without self harm. The thoughts and urges will probably come and go during the ups and downs you have. I know, for me, that there are days/weeks/months where I can not think about self harm too much and then there are days/weeks/months where I think about it all the time. The struggles you are having do not make you weak. I think the fact that you are struggling and choosing to reach out in some way shows how strong you are.

I think that finding something to do in life is really subjective. I mean, society has ideas about what we should all do but not every single person feels that those ideas work for them. Personally, it took me a long time to find things to do with my life. I think the suggestion about finding volunteer work could be a good idea. I know, at one point, I had a therapist suggest this because I was struggling with similar things as you. Now, I have found a number of different volunteer positions that I am happy with and have helped me feel like I am doing something.

It might help for you to find a counselor to talk to. They might be able to help you cope with some of the intense feelings you are feeling. However, I know counseling isn't always an option so please continue venting here. It can help to have people to vent to about the things that you are struggling with.


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Re: I want to kill myself - December 7th 2017, 08:46 PM

Hi There,

First of all you aren't a weak little shit for not going through with this, honestly you are so strong for not going through with it. It's so hard, and I get it. I also understand not wanting to tell people in "real life" because of how they might react. (I've been going through something similar and only vaguely was able to tell one person). Can you at least chat with them about lighter things than suicide? Maybe the depression and SH urges. Obviously we're always here to listen as well.

The person above me mentioned counseling and I think that's a stellar idea. My counselor is the one person I can tell when I'm suicidal and I want to cut and I know I won't receive any judgement from him. I know a lot of people get scared because of the fear of hospitalization but counselors would rather work with you outpatient if they can and unless you're an immediate threat they won't say anything. I've talked numerous times about being suicidal and I haven't been hospitalized by my counselor. But also, I know, like stated above counseling isn't always an option.

Try to find things you enjoy, or that can at least distract your from your feelings until you can find proper help. Keep venting to us. If you're in an emergency and think you're going to harm yourself, please get medical attention. You're life is worth it. <3
   
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Re: I want to kill myself - December 10th 2017, 07:37 AM

Thank you, Frankie. I do volunteer at the local LGBTQ group in my city. And I know youre there, I just feel like im going to be a bother so i never do message you.

thank you, also, Darren :hugs:

Abibliophobe, thank you. I have recently had to stop seeing my counsellor, becasue i had to move and do all this other shit that left me with no time. but i start a new job tomorrow so im hoping that will help, somewhere that i actually will be treated nicely. thank you for replying.

Cass,Ive been hospitalised 3 times before. and it helped on the 3rd go, but... i cant go back now im an "adult" and i would also get fired rom the new job becasue i technically havent started. i am hoping the new job helps though.thank you
   
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