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grace8111 Offline
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Unhappy All I want for my birthday is to die - December 13th 2017, 03:30 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am a 16 year old female and I turn 17 on the 19th of December. I still cant drive, I dont have a job, and my life is horrible. My father is a diagnosed Narcissist. He also has something called child of an alcoholic syndrome. Which means he behaves like one without actually drinking. He is very emotionally abusive to me and my family. My 2 brothers and 1 sister were adopted from an abusive family. My youngest brother has autism and my other brother is very violent. He bullies my sister, me, and my autistic brother, and my mom. We have had to almost call the police several times. I am doing online school because my anxiety is so bad that I get panic attacks from even leaving my house. I am on several meds but no matter how high of a dosage they put me on, it doesnt work. I have very few friends and they dont really talk to me. I have been depressed for 5 years and its only go worse. Ive been admitted to hospitals, i see therapists, i have a psychiatrist, ive tried outpatient.. nothings worked. I also have struggled with anorexia and bulimia for the past 2 years. Ive attempted suicide several times and i self harm. My family doesnt like me that much because Im a lesbian and i live in a small town and people are rude about it. It seems like no one even cares about me. And i really just want to end it. My birthday is coming up and im not celebrating it because it just reminds me of the fact that my life sucks. I really just dont know what to do anymore.
   
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Re: All I want for my birthday is to die - December 13th 2017, 06:52 PM

First off I am very sorry all the stuff you are going through and it is horrible, but let me tell you something else life is a precious thing and I know because really I shouldn't be living and to be totally honest I don't know how much longer I will be living on this earth. I was diagnosed with Leukemia 2 years ago and there were times in my battle to fight it that I thought I wasn't going to make it. Sure I wasn't going through all the crap you are going through daily, although my crap was just different and I had no control over it. I guess on one hand I do understand why you don't want to be apart of any of that anymore because I myself remember laying in the hospital bed weighing about 85 pounds not being able to eat without a tube up my nose and really wishing the same thing, but the one thing I can say to you is fight this just like I did. Do you have anyone? You don't mention your Mom as being a part of this mess. Is she someone you can talk to. The thing is I sit here now typing this and think I could have easily given up but even though it is harder to fight it a lot of times the outcome is better in the end. I hope this helps just a bit. Keep fighting and find someone(anyone) you can talk to.


~Leukemia Survivor~
   
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Re: All I want for my birthday is to die - December 18th 2017, 04:27 AM

Hello

First of all, happy birthday!It is tough right now but I assure you that there will be better birthdays to come for sure!

I also think that you might need a better environment where you can actually relax and be yourself because it appears that your family is anything but healthy for you. You should probably think of moving to a relative's place or abroad, somewhere you can mix around and make a new start at. I know that you have probably also struggled with anorexia and bulimia partially because the abuse hurled at you by your family probably also targeted your appearance, which is sad because they don't know just how much of a beautiful blessing you are.

You might also want to think of reporting them to the police. Emotional abuse probably also counts as child abuse as long as you can record what's being said and that counts as evidence.I know that probably is a little bit drastic and you might want to think before you go ahead with this step ( I suggest holding off on that for now ) in order to curb or go against your narcissistic dad (it might backfire and cause you to get even more abuse later if it doesn't work) so yeah. Brothers like that bully are always a pain, and that's even more reason to move out to a place that offers some solace.

Also,sorry for the short reply. My spacebar's about to give out on me and frankly I need a new keyboard too...

Much kindness and warmth,
Darren


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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