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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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If you need to know you aren't alone, read this - January 1st 2018, 01:43 AM

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted here in a while, and when I did, I was asking for help. I'm grateful for all those who responded and supported me. I still battle depression and anxiety, and a bit of a traumatic past and even present, but I'm trying to be strong. It's New Years Eve, and I'm home with just with my parents. My oldest sister now lives in the complete opposite side of the U.S.A, and my other sister is out with her boyfriend and their family. My dad is sick and he has been for roughly six or seven years, and no one can figure out what is wrong. He just had surgery November 27th, and still is recovering from that too. And so as a result, I'm very lonely and stuck in my head as usual. I've never drank a drop of alcohol, mostly because of personal choice, and I'm only 17 anyways so it's illegal. I honestly never plan on having even a taste of it. Anyways, I'm also a senior in high school and I've never even held hands with anyone, let alone had a serious friendship. Honestly, I just cannot connect to my peers emotionally or socially. Not on any level, honestly. My lifestyle consists mostly of independent activities. I love traditional archery, fishing, hiking, and hunting, as well as drawing and taking long walks, and weight lifting. I used to be into gaming and I still am to some extent, but now I'm a very outdoor oriented person. I've changed so much this year, and it's really the first year I can say that about myself. I have come a long, long way and I'm pretty happy with the kind of person I have become. I like to believe I am a strong and resilient person.

Enough about me now. I just wanted to give you guys some sort of background on who I am. I'm also gay, if that helps anyone feel less alone. I came out a couple years ago to my family and I was very, very lucky that they accepted me. My dad doesn't talk about it to me at all, but he treats me just the same as he always has, and we have a great relationship.

The reason I am writing this is because, I want people to know that whatever pain they are feeling tonight, or any night, they are never ever alone. Keep pushing forward, don't let the world beat you. Think of it like a game. All you have to do is play it. All you have to do is fight. Think of anything that helps you move forward, and get out of bed to face the world. Personally, I think of my family, and where they might be without me. I think of my father, who has been through so much that I can't even imagine it, and how he kept going for the sake of us. I think of my cousin, who is my one and only friend since I was born. She is so important to me I can't express it in words. Just find something, ANYTHING, that makes you push forwards and realize, even if life is terrible now, things always change, and they always CAN get much better. If you are dead, you have no chance at happiness. If you are alive, you have so many opportunities. You can make it in this world. I promise.

You are all brave and strong for coping with any traumas and difficulties you have survived in your life. Every single one. Don't let anyone tell you differently, because not everyone understands what it is like to have a rocky life and/or a troubled childhood. And yes, there are others who have it much, much worse. And while some are partying and drinking and eating to the end of Earth, they are shivering and starving and dying. Yes, even right here in America. But, that does NOT diminish any pain you have. They are separate issues. You are worth it. Your pain is significant and REAL. I used to compare myself to others and say, "They are so much stronger than me. They have been through so much more and yet they continue on better than I ever could dream of". But, you have to realize that you are not them and they are not you.

So, to anyone who needs a friend, I am here. If you want to PM, just ask. Say what you want to say. This place is a place where we can all vent and help each other.

Stay strong

P.S. Sometimes it also helps me to read books. I often find characters I relate strongly to, and it helps me understand myself a bit more and to try and be as strong as the character in the book. Maybe it sounds weird, but it really helps me. We all have our coping ideas. For me that character is Katniss Everdeen. I relate to her a lot. My personality is very similar to hers, and I really understand the way she thinks and does things. I like to believe I am as strong as she is.
   
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Re: If you need to know you aren't alone, read this - January 1st 2018, 02:02 AM

Hey,

I think it was awesome that you took the time to write this! I hope that you will try and have a decent New Year's Eve/New Year. I know how difficult it can be to feel alone. I used to feel a lot like you to be honest. I had a lot of difficulty connecting with my peers in high school and didn't really feel as though I would ever have meaningful friendships or relationships. That has changed a great deal since I was 14-18 and I am glad that I was never successful in harming myself.

I am also glad that you pointed out that just because there are some people who have it worse, doesn't mean that others pain and experiences aren't important or valid. I know, personally, I have struggled a lot with comparing my life to others and criticizing myself for struggling so much even though others have it worse.

Lastly, I read as a coping skill as well. It is a great escape and I love finding characters who I relate too or connect with in some way. If you ever want to discuss books feel free to message me or you could create a thread in the Literature forum and I would be likely to respond.

Anyway, I hope you are doing okay.


   
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Re: If you need to know you aren't alone, read this - January 1st 2018, 02:35 PM

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this. It was a good reminder for me! Hope you are okay too


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Re: If you need to know you aren't alone, read this - January 13th 2018, 05:12 PM

I am always proud of you. Never give up, and keep fighting okay?


Life can knock us down, but we can choose to stand up and fight. Never give up!

Why must you fight so badly? Because you dont want to be scared of life anymore!
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