TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TH Anonymous Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
TH Anonymous's Avatar
 

Posts: 168
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Unhappy I just don't know what to do anymore... - February 5th 2018, 11:38 PM

[SIZE="a"]Honestly, I'm not sure how to word this, and I don't even know if you'll help me because at this point, I have pretty much given up. I'm 18, female, and I doubt this'll help at all, but I'll write this all anyways:

So recently I lost my online best friend Cristina. She has been my best friend for almost six months, but that ended about a week ago. We were playing a video game, she went AFK to use the bathroom, and when she came back, she blocked me on everything without any warning. I spent three days trying to contact her to figure out what happened. She told me that I was a "horrible best friend" and our relationship was "toxic"...

I can't stop thinking about her, and I keep getting reminded of her because I keep running into her. She always used to help me with my problems, and we would help each other. I don't have any real-life friends at all, and the people in real-life insult me, spread rumors about me etc. I don't even know how many times I have hurt myself since she left, but it's been a lot...

The worst thing of all is that a few days after she left me, she told her friends lies and rumors about me, so some of her friends have been messaging me to kill myself. I honestly think that I should at this point. She was all I really had left.

I guess I'll just tell you everything, I doubt it'll make any difference at this point. A few days before winter break started (last year of high school), I accidentally made a comment to one of my teachers that suggested I'm suicidal. I do want to end my life, but I don't want anyone in real-life to know that, especially with the result it would have. The teacher told the counselor, who then called me to the office. I had my best friend at this time so I was messaging her the entire time. When I got to the office, I kinda just broke down crying..

The counselor said she wouldn't let me go home without my partners because she was "worried" for my safety. See, my mom has previously told me to kill myself, and she always yells at me like everyday for being worthless etc. When the counselor told my parents that she believed I might be suicidal, my dad laughed at me, then told me "I'm fine" while my mom yelled at me the entire night for creating drama. So I can't tell my parents how I feel. I don't really know what to do anymore.

Since school started, I haven't really went to school very much because whenever I do go, I end up just crying in class, and I don't want to give my classmates another reason to insult me. Since I lost Cristina, I have even started going less, she was always there to help me while at school, but now I have no one. Then when I don't go to school, my parents yell at me, call me worthless and tell me I'm a failure to them.

I really don't have anyone. I have zero friends now, either in real-life or online. The only family I do have doesn't even care about me, and my mom wants me to disappear. I used to have friends, but they all left me. I'm always alone in class, all day. Averagely I say generally five to ten words in my entire day from when I wake up to when I go to bed because I have no one to talk with.

I constantly get nightmares every night about various things, so generally I don't get much sleep at night. Then I'm really tired, and I end up not wanting to go to school even more. I don't really see a point to going to school when I'm already a failure to everyone, already failing, and my classmates only insult me, plus the chance I'll just end up collapsing in class from being tired, or start crying then leave...

I get a lot of anxiety from speaking to people, like enough where I'll start crying if I need to have a simple conversation with someone in real-life, so I can't really make any friends. I don't even know how to make friends.

I just don't want to live like this anymore. I keep hurting myself because it's the only way that I know how to feel better. I actually hope someone hits me with a car while walking to school. I really don't have any hope, energy or motivation left. I'm home right now instead of at school. I know when my parents get home, they'll yell at me, then I'll cut myself, then I'll go online onto a game on my PC, then I will run into Cristina, then I'll log off, then I'll cut myself again, then I'll lay there until midnight when I finally fall asleep. Sometime in the night I'll wake up from a nightmare, then I'll start crying, then I'll lay there until morning. It's like a cycle...

I want someone to love me. I want someone to care about me. Every relationship I have ever been in has ended with someone cheating on me, leaving me or using me. The only best friend I have had in years just left me. I don't want to feel like this everyday. I can't feel like this everyday.

I don't even know why I'm hanging on anymore. I already wrote a letter to my family, for when I actually get the courage to just die like everyone wants. I tried contacting text helplines like KidsHelpPhone, but I always back out because I'm scared to speak with people, especially a stranger about my personal problems.

Honestly, I'm not even sure who I am anymore. I don't even know what my parents want me to be anymore, and since I'm failing like every class in school, it's unlikely I'll graduate, then my parents will kick me out of the house. I have never been closer to anyone than Cristina, but now that I don't have her, it feels like I'm missing a piece of myself.

I don't even know why I'm writing this because I highly doubt anyone cares. I'm so tired right now that I can hardly stay awake... I just don't want to be alone, and I want to have friends. I know that's impossible. I can't feel like this anymore, it's destroying me. I probably deserve it. I guess I'll just stop here... I'm sorry for wasting your time. I guess this is my last chance.


Help...? .-.[/size]
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
FrozenRobot7 Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
FrozenRobot7's Avatar
 
Name: Danielle
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Location: N/A

Posts: 96
Join Date: December 4th 2016

Re: I just don't know what to do anymore... - February 6th 2018, 12:01 AM

off, I am very sorry that you lost your best friend. Society doesn't brace you enough for a oss of a friend, and it is something everyone will go through at some point. But, it is great that you are opening up and asking for help, that is always the first step.

Since this happened recently, I think it is important to get some closure with this. It can be many things, such as writing her a letter and never sending it or even just making a pros and cons list, seeing all the good and bad she has done. When a relationship of any sort ends, people often look at the good times and think of how terrible it was that it ended. But, this girl clearly left you hanging in a way, which is definaly something to consider when looking at the bad things she has done. Another thing I think you should do is start looking for other potention friends, whether that is in real life or online. I know you brought up having no real friends in real life, but I think you should really look at everyone around you and see if maybe there is a person or two you may have not noticed right away. And if that doesn't work out, you always have the internet, which is such a great place to meet people just like you! I know it is hard losing a friend, but you have to be able to move on and find other people that you will bond with and become friends with.

As for having constant suicidal thoughts, I think the best thing always to do is go to a therapist. I know you stated not wanting to strangers about your problems, but I think a therapsit would be beneficial. They are the people that can diagnose you and give you medecine that will help you have less suicidal thoughts and be happier overall. I do know that you have had a lot of problems with your parents in the past, but is there anyone else you could go to and talk to about therapy? If there is any family member or even councelor at school, I think you should talk to them and they could lead you into the right direction.

Always know that I am here for you, and if you are looking for a friend or someone to confine in, know you can always PM me and I will help you with anything
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
anymore

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.