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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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TH Anonymous Offline
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I refuse - March 10th 2018, 09:33 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[SIZE="a"]I cannot go on. There's no way. No hope. Nothing.

I refuse to go back to a crisis state I prevented so many of them from going full blown and this time I went into it and I'm done. I refuse to go through more pain. I refuse. Do you hear me?


THEY WILL NOT ABUSE ME. I will no longer be their "good dog" I will no longer be their "maid"

I will no longer have this extreme pain that is holding my life back.

I am a month away from turning 24.


I hate them with all my heart. I hate them so much.

u hate how they yell at me, how they humiliate me, make jokes about me, I hate how they ask me to do things for them and I hate that I do it.

They joke that I'm a good dog and they try to "pet" me

until they get on my nerves. Now I'm a raging female dog and I'm no longer cute and fluffy. I no longer will clean the bathroom. If they hirt me i will cut myelf aND smear the blood on the walls. I will writw a sign and tapw it to my door that says "Stop fucking with my head"

Still want to pet me? Still think I'm cute? Still think I'm a fluffy dog?


I'm sorry for the lamguage. I reached my complete wit. I'm behaving out of character[/size]
   
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Re: I refuse - March 17th 2018, 03:13 PM

How are things now?

When we get overwhelmed and feel taken advantage of, it's natural to behave out of character. This is especially true if you find yourself doing things for others and they treat you badly. It can definitely lead to feeling like you are a maid, or a 'good dog' in terms of being loyal and serving others, even though it's one way and doesn't get returned.

It sounds like you are perhaps trying to assert yourself and set some boundaries, in that you won't tolerate this any longer? It's good to remember that you can say 'no' to things that you don't want to do if you feel that it would only lead to more problems.

Hang in there


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Re: I refuse - March 17th 2018, 10:11 PM

[SIZE="a"]Things got very bad on Monday in which i was mentally checking out so much. Thursday I decided to withdraw from support and made a mistake because staying home made grounds for a humungpus fight even though I kept pushing myself to go to the place of support and kept trying to set boundaries by telling family members that I'm trying to get ready to leave soon and it is o erwhrlming to drop this topic on me, they still dropped a very overwhelming topic on me and then I ended up bending over backwards to try to fulfill their request while still bringing up my concerns and it ended in me yelling on the top of my lungs and crying for about 10 hours.
Friday there was a mini argument and I cried a lot. But mostly was checked out and numb.

I'm only starting to recover now. It is still unbearable but I'm gaining perspective slightly[/size]
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: I refuse - March 20th 2018, 07:48 PM

Sorry to hear that things were very stressful for you at home. I'm glad that you are starting to recover, and gaining perspective slightly, even if it's still unbearable. It sounds like it was very bad timing of your family to dump big topics on you before leaving. Though I hope that you are able to keep going to support as it sounds like a safe haven for you away from home!


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