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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Why my head so big? - March 20th 2018, 08:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Man I've been going through so many different emotions lately and thinking about death almost everyday. I am turning seventeen years old in November and I feel like I failed my teenage years and I just can't take it. I have no real friends at home but a few at school. I am so insecure about myself. Its because of the size of my head, it has affected the way I have lived. I am about 5'8" and the size of my head is kinda big for my body.
I have been made fun of my entire life from elementary and middle school. It never really bothered me in elementary in middle school but it has deeply affected me through my high school years. I've been called big head a few times and it really hurts me inside. Whenever I walk through the hallways I get stares from people and I start going crazy and ask myself were they staring at me cause they noticed I had a disproportional sized head. I barely have spoken to any girls at all in high school because I'm afraid that they will think I'm a freak or something cause my head looks big.
Im afraid to go outside anymore because I always get the feeling of people staring at my head. My friends from school I don't know but its like they don't see the size of my head and haven't really made fun of me or called me big head so I feel comfortable around them but when I walk by myself in the hallways I feel like everyone is looking at me all the time.
I get depressed everyday because I look at everyone else and everyone looks so normal and I'm the only one with the biggest head. If I didn't have freaking macrocephaly or disproportionalized size head I would be more confident in myself but I just don't. I was thinking maybe I could hide the size of my head by growing out my hair but I think it will just make my head look even bigger,
Ever since high school I have been thinking suicide, and the past couple weeks I have been thinking about suicide even more but I just can't do it because I love my family too much and I don't want to leave them. My little brother is probably the only person that has prevented me from commiting suicide because I love him too much to leave him. The only reason I continue to live is because of him, but its so hard when your lonely and depressed.
   
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Re: Why my head so big? - March 20th 2018, 08:07 AM

And today, my brother has been diagnosed with severe cancer (tumor). If he doesn’t survive, so do I.
   
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Re: Why my head so big? - March 20th 2018, 08:26 AM

Hey there!

First up, I noticed you're new, so welcome!

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. It feels like the teasing and bullying you went through during your elementary and middle school years have affected the way you think other people around you see you, in ways that may or may not be true.

I'm going to ask a maybe silly little question. When you're walking around in a public place surrounded by many other people, do you zone in on one particular person and seek out every flaw you can find in them? Chances are, you don't. Other people are usually the same way, they've all got their own troubles to worry about, and aren't likely to find flaws in how you look or act. I know it can be really hard to believe, I've been through it myself, and it's rough. It does get better though, and you are still very young and have so many opportunities ahead of you. Your life is your own, regardless of the way you look.

I really, really think you should talk to someone in real life about all this. Be it a favorite teacher (they can be surprisingly supportive), a parent or other guardian, a school counselor- anyone. Everyone deserves to be supported and happy regardless of how they look, and that goes for you, too. It's important to recognize when you need to get help from others, and the fact that you posted this shows that some part of you wants to be helped and survive all this.

I'm so sorry about your brother, I hope things turn out okay. Please continue posting here if you feel the need to.


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Re: Why my head so big? - March 20th 2018, 09:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Svisttt View Post
Hey there!

First up, I noticed you're new, so welcome!

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. It feels like the teasing and bullying you went through during your elementary and middle school years have affected the way you think other people around you see you, in ways that may or may not be true.

I'm going to ask a maybe silly little question. When you're walking around in a public place surrounded by many other people, do you zone in on one particular person and seek out every flaw you can find in them? Chances are, you don't. Other people are usually the same way, they've all got their own troubles to worry about, and aren't likely to find flaws in how you look or act. I know it can be really hard to believe, I've been through it myself, and it's rough. It does get better though, and you are still very young and have so many opportunities ahead of you. Your life is your own, regardless of the way you look.

I really, really think you should talk to someone in real life about all this. Be it a favorite teacher (they can be surprisingly supportive), a parent or other guardian, a school counselor- anyone. Everyone deserves to be supported and happy regardless of how they look, and that goes for you, too. It's important to recognize when you need to get help from others, and the fact that you posted this shows that some part of you wants to be helped and survive all this.

I'm so sorry about your brother, I hope things turn out okay. Please continue posting here if you feel the need to.
I have talked to my parents and my closest friend, but they have the same response, “It’s only in your head”, “you shouldn’t care about what others think”, “accept who you are”. but it’s not that easy. I just can’t get it off my head. I don’t know what to do now except kill myself.
   
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Re: Why my head so big? - March 21st 2018, 03:06 AM

Your feelings are definitely valid, and I understand it's not something that you can get through over night. However, this does not mean suicide or harm to yourself is the answer. Try not to be discouraged by your parents' and friend's responses; help is out there and available, and you deserve it. I'd try seeking out a school counselor or a teacher, if you're able to. You are worthy of being taken seriously.


"hold me
whatever lies beyond this morning
is a little later on."
   
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