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homosapien Offline
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Join Date: February 13th 2018

I know something is wrong but don't know what. - April 10th 2018, 03:40 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well Hey,
Three months now and I am feeling kinda awkward don't know why.
I suddenly feel being more emotional and feels like I get hurt too soon. I know it might sound normal but it is not.
I am super lonely (not because I am some stupid character). I am considered to be one of the most friendly person you can find in my school, everyone talks to me but i still feel lonely, It is as if I have no close friends. I had a bunch of close friends only to find out they were complete fakes who only talked to me if they felt bored and didn't even consider me as a friend. When i came to know this, I didn't feel bad at all, I said screw it and isolated myself from those fake friends and after that two years I have been lonely but I never felt bad about it. I enjoyed every second of my lonely time and felt i needed no else but myself in my life ,never felt bad about it. I was carefree and did not care about anyone or anything. I was who i was.

Three months ago, I was hit by Typhoid and was hospitalized for 10 days and that's when things changed.I felt like had reached a point where everything now feels weird. I felt like I was left alone, Lonely, Depressed and hurt, I went on noticing things more than they required and it feels like no one cares about me and stuff. I am overthinking everything, wasting all my time daydream about things which will never happen, feels like i have anxiety but i don't know, I know something is wrong and I have no idea what it is. I feel like I will make it to no where in my life. Everything seems broke. I go on thinking some random stuff which makes no sense and my brain is never clear now.I spend too much time in my head instead of living the real life which is around me, something which was very easy before.

The other part, I have had acne for a couple of years(mild though) and I feel very insecure about it, now never cared about it before, I feel bad to go talk to people now, I feel disgusted by myself, Though i asked several people and they tell me it is only mild and it is quite not noticeable but it feels like they are telling me that so that i don't feel bad about it. I avoid seeing others face while talking so that they don't feel disgusted by seeing my face and this is getting to me too bad.

I have changed a lot and I hate being like this, I want to be the IDGAF person like before or is it I am becoming a more sensitive person for some reason and now that i have become more sensitive even small things seem huge. I simply don't know and it sucks.
All I know is something is wrong, I can't concentrate on my daily life and its like i am living in a world of overthinking and a world of imaginary people who wouldn't even care if I go missing from the surface. I don't to feel like this anymore.
I tried seeking help but know can understand what i am going through and it is very hard to put a smiling face with so much pain inside.

I hope someone here would understand and try to help.
I feel like a idiot

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