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I have nothing - April 20th 2018, 02:59 AM

I only have three people who I know for certain care about me, and they're all miles away and have no way of getting to me. My brother, one of those people and my only real family, has left completely for the military and I don't know when I'll see him again. He was the only one who could protect me.
There was a fourth person, who I loved more than anyone but he was torn away from him and I've done nothing in the past two years except try to find my way back to him. I feel as though he's been thinking about me, for some reason, but I don't know.
My parents don't love me. They want nothing more than to control me so they could have their perfect daughter but I refuse, no matter how long it takes. Right now, I just need to finish school but they won't leave me alone. They force feed me anti depressants, but I've stopped fighting it because it numbs everything. I spend all day, everyday, completely alone in a little apartment just trying to focus and dreaming of getting out. The only one I have left that I truly love is my dog, but he's sick and no one is willing to get him the treatment he needs.
I still struggle to find a reason to get up in the morning. There's no point living this kind of life but fighting it is... I'm not sure that I could make it through that. What hope is there?
   
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Re: I have nothing - April 21st 2018, 04:43 AM

Hey there,

I just want you to know that I am here if you need anything. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and it can be hard to go through all that while feeling alone. I know you said that the people that care are miles away but I am wondering if you can still keep contact with them. I know that talking to people in the military can be difficult but maybe you all could talk occasionally or send mail? I know that isn't as great as having the person there with you but it might be a start.

It's hard when parents don't care or that it seems that way. You said that they are force feeding you medication. I am wondering if they are doing that because they worry about you? I know some parents give their kids medications for different reasons though.

Do you think that when you get older you will be able to get to a better place and get away from your parents? It seems like their behavior is triggering to you so if you can get away from them it might be possible that you will start to feel slightly better.

I hope that this helped.


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Re: I have nothing - April 25th 2018, 12:04 AM

I am trying my hardest and doing everything i can to get out of here because of course they're triggering but they're the ones keeping me from progressing. I become emotionally stunted and can't do anything.
No they're not worried about me, or at least I don't know why they would because they know at least some of this is because of them. The last time I was happy was when I was in the hospital away from them. I've expressly stated time and again that I don't need the meds, that that's not the problem, but it continues. I've just stopped fighting it because it's numbing and I can finally get some work done.
But lately I've been triggered more than ever and relapse looks really close...
I just want someone who cares about me.
   
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