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Can you hear the silence?
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Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: England

Posts: 814
Join Date: July 27th 2012

For once in my life I am considering taking my own life - May 3rd 2018, 09:45 AM

I could type all day but then it would be really long so some stuff I will just mention and not go in to a lot of details as I don't want to spend the next week typing it all out. I also know that nothing no one can say will help my situation I just want someone to talk to really.


Lets start.
A few of my issues throughout my life. KEY ISSUES
I have anorexia I have been bullied my whole life I have never had a lot of friends when I was younger I had to stop my mum for killing her self I have walked in on my mum having sex with someone else not her partner and till this day I have kept it a secret and not told no one which means it eats away at me and I have ADHD and dyslexia.

some on going issues
I recently got this good job it's for a British phone company Vodafone. I work in a shop selling smart phones and doing mobile phone contracts. The role of my job is like any phone shop job sell phones haha. I love my job I had this job before I was working for another company but my anorexia made me take a back seat and I had to resign. I have learning disabilities and with all the paper work I have to do it's not easy. I have put my heart and sole in this job I have worked so very hard. I have a meeting tomorrow with my manager a probationary meeting which means she can either get rid of me for not being good enough extend my probation period for another month or pass it and keep me on at the company.

Knowing my luck I will lose my job I think I do well but I don't know if I am up to standard in my opinion for someone with my issues I do fucking well I just take a little longer to do my job and to learn things. I was being bullied by my co workers so I got a family member involved who's a manager himself so he knows how everything works to sort the company out. I am terrified that I will be jobless tomorrow I can feel it.


I failed my driving theory exam 2 times in the last month I try so hard I came so close but I just can't pass it's so hard and unfair! I have gained a lot of weight since my anorexic days and I feel disgusting so I am probably going to end up relapsing in a couple of days.

I have like 2 friends but I live so far away well when I mean far away I am talk like 40-60 miles. I can get a train in to see them but it's like an hour and if I have work the next day I can't get back in time to get to work sober after drinking I see my friends once every few weeks. I have never had a proper relationship and I am 21 I would love to meet someone amazing who I can take care of and look after and spend time with I feel like such a failure the only thing I have in life which is keeping me going and trying to sort my life is my job but I will most likely lose that and have nothing.

I am not sure if you guys are aware but I was bullied by managers at my last job and sacked various times for having learning disabilities if it was not for a family member who's a store manager at another company sorting them out I would of been done for.

Thank you for reading.

Last edited by bringmethehorizon♥; May 3rd 2018 at 12:00 PM.
   
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