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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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msfsteven Offline
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stuck - May 15th 2018, 09:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

last year i was let go from my jobs of 2yrs for being late too much. i had a semi contagious rash on top of being depressed i couldnt keep up. live in a small area so very few lgbt and it has crushed me for years.

i worked in frozen yogurt, i was very unhappy and looked for a better job for a whole year during my time there. i had no luck and it drove my confidence further down. i wont work in a big place like walmart because of anxiety and wouldnt be good in anything heavy duty. i dont want to go back to the same type of job. and i wont even consider fast food. i avoid even going there cause i domt like the work culture.

i can barely convince myself to apply at places i dont want to, i dont know how to convince an employer i want to work. i want to have a job but i really dont want to work in the options i have. ive been to a hiring agency, which even my aunt works at but all she could find was a full time 8-12hr shift at minimum wage. i think it's fair to only want to work 40 hrs and 8 hr shift.

i am so overwhelmed and tired of being stuck in the same place with no sign of it getting better. it's going to be a year without a job and i can no longer be distracted by hobbies or family time or anything. there is nothing to look forward right now expect for running out of money. i am so tired of being stuck. tried counselling but i always end up late or cant get up in time, even a 2pm appointment. CBT can be helpful but it's just not effective to me. it doesnt change the way i feel or take away anxiety or depression. ive never really wanted to live but everyday i consider just ending it. i think i will eventually do it anyway. but i dont want to see my family suffer. doesnt change my mind though i really just dont want to live anymore.
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Re: stuck - May 17th 2018, 11:24 PM

Hello,
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. Can you try talking with someone about how you are feeling? And can you try talking with you're family or you're friends or relatives if you are close with them and telling them know what's going on and that you've been having a hard time lately and you need some help and see what they can do for you. Or if you are able to talk to a counselor or a therapist or a person like that and see if they can try helping you. You can Google therapist and counselors who are near you and you can call them up and ask if you can go and see them if you are up for something like that.
Also try getting out of the house if you can and going for a walk or putting on music or a funny movie or anything else that you like to do to help you with what is going on. I hope that you will be okay soon. Hugs.


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Re: stuck - May 18th 2018, 09:39 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment. I am glad you reached out to us though. I hope we are able to help in some way. I am wondering if you have considered looking into a higher level of care to try and get your depression and anxiety under control; something like a residential treatment, out patient treatment or group therapy along with individual therapy. I know that you mentioned that you have trouble waking up in time for therapy and if you were at a residential treatment that might be able to help you get on a schedule and look into things that will help with your sleep patterns. Are you sleeping late because you struggle to sleep at night? If so, it might be worth looking into getting on a sleep aid so that you can make it to therapy on time. Once you are in therapy regularly you might be able to work on getting a schedule and work on the anxiety and depression.

I know you mentioned that you don't find CBT helpful and that is okay. There are a lot of different types of therapies that can be tried. If you know that CBT doesn't help maybe you could look into other forms such as DBT etc. I know there are a ton out there and you could probably do some research online to find them which might help you determine which ones you'd like to try. The other thing to consider is talking to a therapist about why you don't find CBT helpful; they might be able to work through that with you and if not they might be able to refer you to a therapist who does not do CBT.

I know you are feeling down about your job prospects but with time it's possible something will open up. I know that being limited on what types of jobs you can do is difficult. If you are not fond of minimum wage jobs is there any other position you'd be able to consider? Maybe talk to someone at the temp agency about your options. I know you said your aunt could only find a minimum wage job but maybe you could discuss if there are any other options out there. I know people at temp agencies are supposed to be good with that type of stuff.

Wishing you the best.


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Re: stuck - May 21st 2018, 10:22 AM

Hi. thanks for replying. i have got my sleeping schedule fixed before but then i had to pick my dad up for work at 2am. it was hard to fix it, i had to stay up all day long and

i wasnt able to really talk through why CBT wasn't working, so that's a good point to bring up. but the reason i don't want to schedule it is because if i miss any appointments one or two more times i'll be taken off. it happened to me the first time.

i'm willing to do minimum wage, just not fast food or 12 hr shifts. the more days go by i feel more alone, less motivated, less confident, everything. i actually almost got a job that i could get some decent pay and experience, but i couldn't pass the drug screen. ive been self medicating cause it actually helps me feel good and not sad. the only thing that has ever made me feel good beside being with someone. now it is too late, as it takes 90 days to reapply if they even consider giving another chance.

i'm willing to get a job i don't want, but i know overtime i will grow to hate it and just end up in the same spot. it's the worst feeling having to work a customer service job and having to smile when really i wish i didnt have to be there.

i used all my energy settling for less and less than i wanted, forcing myself to apply but still end up in the same spot.

no, i cannot talk to my family because i've already told them how i feel and why i'm in this situation. there is nothing they can do and crying in front of them (done already) and telling them i'm suicidal won't get me anywhere.

residential treatment (which i would never pay for, cause i can't) would probably only exacerbate the problem. i don't like being confined, and living in a small area it would probably have to be out of town.

i don't know what to do. like i said, i've tried spending time with family and it was okay for a little bit, but with no money i'm just sitting watching tv most of the time, having them pay for the food. of course i've tried to distract myself, but i'm not able to distract from sadness. im so tired of crying everyday but i can't help but get sad and lonely. i literally feel stuck physically. and the more time that goes the more hope i lose and i'm already at the lowest. if this is what life is going to be like then what's the point.

anyway thanks for your responses

Last edited by msfsteven; May 21st 2018 at 10:50 AM.
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