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FrozenRobot7 Offline
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Don't know how to be happy anymore - July 31st 2018, 12:25 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This summer has been one of the worst times in my life for me. When I am working, I am miserable and just want to be home. But when I'm at home I'm so depressed and can barely get out of my room to say hello to my family. Even when I hang out with friends, I'm not even happy. Like I'm trying to be, desperately, but nothing brings me joy anymore. I even got a fucking car and I couldn't be truly happy about it.

I'm at a place where it feels I can never get out of. It's like I feel in a massive ditch and there's no way out, and every day I'm in there I'm just going farther and farther down. Nothing brings me joy anymore, and if ti down it's for a mere second. I even go to therapy, and granted it's been awhile since I've gone because money is tight, but when I go it doesn't even feel like she can do anything for me.

I'm trying my absoulte hardest to be happy, because I know if I'm happy I can have a good life. But, how can I be happy when it's a constant battle that I am loosing?
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Heathen Offline
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Re: Don't know how to be happy anymore - August 1st 2018, 02:30 AM

First of all, I'm really sorry you're struggling. Depression can zap us of every bit of joy and positivity we have and it can be quite frustrating. It can seem, as you say, like a massive ditch with no way out. Things can seem really dark, and the depression couple with the frustration of being unable to enjoy life can really take its toll. No one deserves that, and I'm sorry you're having to experience it.

What I am going to say may sound counterintuitive, so please bear with me, but maybe the reason things seem so hopeless is because you're trying so hard to be happy. For whatever reason right now joy seems to elude you, and as much as that sucks, I wonder if expecting yourself to be happy at things that used to make you feel happy isn't part of the problem. It creates pressure. You're getting frustrated with yourself for things you genuinely can't do and I have a feeling that makes the ditch worse.

Instead, I suggest accepting the depression. This doesn't mean give up, or make things worse with behaviors, or anything like that. It simply means stopping and saying "hey, you know what, I am depressed right now and it really sucks, but that's okay. I don't HAVE to be happy right now to have a right to exist, have nice things, and relationships. I can have those things and still feel sad. I can allow myself to feel sad."

Maybe that will work for you, maybe it won't, but either way I suggest finding someone in your life you can turn to with your struggles. Maybe your therapist can help. You can even tell her you feel like she can't do anything; maybe sharing that will help you two communicate better (not that the problem is necessarily an issue with communication). Or turn to some friends. Let them know you're struggling and you may not always feel happy when you're with them but you still want them there.

You're not alone and you have people who care about you. That's a big deal. So perhaps try to stop telling yourself you have to be happy and accept yourself where you're at, while still reaching out to others and trying to rebuild connections with the things you love.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything else.

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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anymore, happy

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