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Reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? - September 18th 2018, 03:26 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

How do you find reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? Because I've stayed alive for others for the past couple years, but I've ruined most of those connections, and now it feels like if they don't need me/I'm causing so much pain, then why am I suffering through this? Everyone's frustrated with and disappointed in me for not recovering faster, so they shut me out because I'm too much to handle, and now I feel like I have no support. So I suffer alone and fake a smile because that's what everyone needs from me. And things are just now about to get waaaay worse, so if I'm going to stay here, I need to get my shit together now. But whatever I try, it doesn't work. I don't want to try anymore. I'm stuck, and there's no way out.


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Re: Reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? - September 19th 2018, 04:14 AM

Hey,

Some things I found that helped me were: looking forward to the next season of my favourite TV show, living for a pet, saying I wouldn't die until I had read a specific book and then once I'd read it finding a different book, not dying till I'd travelled somewhere or eaten something, wanting to make it to a certain amount of blood donations, or even just living so I could eat my favourite food again. There's lots of really small things but sometimes it's the small things that keep you alive, y'know?

Anyway there's a couple of suggestions, hopefully you can find something to use even if it isn't from my list. I hope you're doing okay. <3


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Re: Reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? - September 20th 2018, 06:56 AM

Hobbies
Curiosity
Certain scents like pumpkins or apples
Certain sounds like wind chimes
Exploring nature
Music
Self improvement
The arts and technology
Everything!

Life may seem rough, but find some good in the now and make the most of it. Certain class? Certain pet? A hobby? An adventure?

Satan is going to take people through he'll and all we can do is cope and keep going or we're stuck there forever.



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Re: Reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? - September 20th 2018, 01:12 PM

It's really hard to focus on any of that. I was trying to get better for my cat, but he's gone now... and I can't move past that. And this semester seems to want me to die because all my classes are so unmanageable, and however much I do, it isn't enough. I only like one of my classes, but with everything else, I can't handle the work. And because I'm so busy constantly, I don't have time or energy to do anything I want to do; I don't even have time or energy to do everything I need to do. There's nothing left that makes me want to live. If I stay alive, I have to get all this other shit done. I can force myself to stay alive for another day (each day), but why do that if each day is going to be the same or worse than today?


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Re: Reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? - September 21st 2018, 06:12 AM

I would try positive coping mechanisms. But what really helps me is the quote, "Its not loving to say, 'I can't live without you.' Instead say, 'Things are better with you.'" -Lacey Sturm

It gives me confidence that I can live on my own and not make someone feel trapped because of my word choices. Sure its nice to have someone or something else, but we are capable of many great things just by ourselves.


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Re: Reasons to live that aren't dependent on others? - September 21st 2018, 10:16 PM

Coping mechanisms just keep me alive, but I don't want to be alive. I can't live without others, and I don't want to. Without others, I have no reason to keep suffering through all this pain. I feel guilty for needing anyone's help because I'm just dragging them down; I'm hurting people I care about by staying alive because I don't want to be here, so I can't get better. And if I'm just hurting people by failing to get better, then I might as well end it. No one needs me anymore.


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