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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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JustTheKeags Offline
Meme a Day Keeps th Feels Away
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Name: Keagan
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I'm done - March 9th 2019, 05:35 AM

About a week ago, I posted a thread where I said that I had fallen into depression after an encounter with LSD, a freind in the hospital, and problems with my family. It hasn't gotten better in any way. It has actually gotten way worse. Shit completely hit the fan in every way I didn't expect. My friend attempted again, just two days after being released, and ended up dying of blood loss. He sent each and every one of his trekked a handwritten note, explaining why, and that he loved us all way to much to keep letting us down. He explained that I had been one of the few people he had loved like a brother, and I felt so sad. He left me his guitar, since some of our best memories together were from gigs and jam sessions. It struck every note of sadness left in me and made me want to kill myself. I figured that I might as well be with the one person that seemed to love me. I don't want to go on. I'm still here because I haven't been able to get my ass out of bed or do anything, I just smoke a joint, drink some hard liquid, and try to forget. My friends came over yesterday to see me, and they found me passed out after I drank some vodka. I never know just I mean to people, and then I find out after I've lost them for good. I can't go on. This is the end. I talk to my therapist, and I just end up drinking my sorrows away. I won't die because I don't have the strength, I won't live because I'm dead inside. I had a conversation with an older coworker who went through some of this in high school, just like me. She said that if I don't find myself a better group of friends, I will keep spiraling, down until I go farther than rock bottom. She told me that I needed to fix the one thing that I can't seem to fix, which is my drug problem. I won't get help, and talking about it here is as far as I'll go. She also said that I will become a different version of myself than I'm supposed to be, and eventually I will comPletely lose touch with who I am. I don't want that to happen in any way, so I'm starting to reach out to my friends, but their just as helpful as a brick wall.

Thanks for reading,
Keag
   
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Wonderlust Offline
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Re: I'm done - March 10th 2019, 01:50 AM

Hey Keegan, itís Sunny. I donít know if you remember me, or still have my number, but Iím always here if you need to text me. Iím sorry love, but suicide isnít the way to go. Please reach out and get some help.




Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
   
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JustTheKeags Offline
Meme a Day Keeps th Feels Away
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Re: I'm done - March 10th 2019, 07:06 AM

Sunny, I remember you pretty well, actually. You helped me out of some rather tough situations and I might not be here today if it wasn't for you helping me. I know suicide isn't the answer. It is always helpful to be reminded of that.

I tried reaching out to you, but t my parents have my phone, and I can barely sneak on here to talk to people.

I reached out to my friend last night after about three or four shots, I broke down and started crying, so he said that if I didn't get my shit together, I'd end up like my friend who killed himself, and that he would hate himself for not being able to help me. So I am now being held to the standard of being completely sober by the end of the next two weeks. I also told my therapist, who told me that I'm going to be ok, and the only problem is that my parents won't put me on meds, so I can't fully deal with the issue.


Hang In There!
   
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