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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tigereyes Offline
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I'm done. - March 22nd 2019, 12:11 PM

Suicide seems to be the only way out of this fucked up mess. I'm so sick and tired. I've held on for so long trying to make things better, but things only keep getting worse. I have no support. There's no reason left to keep putting in effort if I keep getting worse regardless. I'm tired of it. I don't have money for help, so I don't get help. It's this endless cycle. And staying alive for others has only led me to accidentally cause them more pain. I'm done. There are no good options. No ways out. Just pain and suffering. Sobriety got me nothing but misery. Two fucking years later. That's why I had addiction problems in the first place: because life fucking sucked. So sobriety means life sucks with no relief. If I can't drink and use, I want to die. I'm a disappointment for not recovering faster despite the fact that my life has been absolute hell and I've had to deal with me mostly alone the past year. And yes, I've been told that by those who I never thought would give up on me. My emotions are not valid. I've been lied to about them being valid. So I don't even know what's real anymore. I want out. There's no other way out. No one can help me.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 24th 2019, 01:01 AM

Please dm me im always here to talk, just remember suicide is not the way to go. you can email me @ freemanalyssa00@gmail.com
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 24th 2019, 06:57 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. Please know that suicide isn't the only choice. I know many people who, for a long time, felt that suicide was the only choice, and eventually they found something that was able to bring enough meaning or positivity to their life to help subside the suicidal thoughts. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but there is a way out, but it often takes time and a lot of work.

Do you have access to medications or therapy? Those are very useful tools in cases like this. Plus, please consider calling 911 if you're in crisis and might hurt yourself. You can get better, I promise.

Perhaps you should go to AA or NA meetings or other support groups for addiction, as the support can be amazing.
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 25th 2019, 12:19 AM

My cat was my positivity, and he's gone now and never coming back. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
No access to meds or therapy. Bad insurance and no money. Had a counselor as a student then I graduated. Sliding scale is still way more than I can afford. And calling 911 would just get me locked in a hospital with more tens of thousands of dollars I can't pay. And high debt is a reason I want out.
And I mostly stopping going to AA because it was constantly making me feel worse.
So.. there's not much else to try.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 25th 2019, 01:31 AM

Sorry to hear that that's the case, I don't live in a country where having to go stay in a hospital for a while would put me into extensive debt, which is understandably an extremely stressful prospect especially if you're already experiencing debt.

Are you able to get a new cat? If that's something that was helpful for you before, perhaps a new pet in your life could be the first step to improving your mental health.

Are you able to look into opportunities in your community for mental health support that are free? Mental health treatment generally isn't free even if my country, but often times community health care services are able to get grants or other kinds of funding to get health services for programs that might be really beneficial for you. You could call your doctors office and ask for a referral to any of these programs.

Are you able to get a new job that will pay better or give you better benefits? Are you able to find people to talk to such as a family member or friend who can help you?

There has to be something for you to do that will keep you alive and safe.
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 25th 2019, 02:30 AM

I really don't want another cat for a while. I haven't had the chance to properly grieve and my parents want to (correction: WILL) replace him with a kitten, and I can't handle it. Makes me want to numb out how ever I possibly can.

I haven't been able to find an affordable options and I'd have to pay a fair amount to get a referral anywhere. There are options with good insurance but I don't have that.

And not yet. I need an actual good-paying job to support me or I'll have to work like 3 maximum hour minimim wage jobs to afford to live at the cheapest apartment anywhere since I don't have any friends I can room with. I currently only have a grocery store job with no benefits. I'm not close to my family, so I'm not comfortable talking to them and I don't have many friends, and the friends I do have can't handle my shit so I can't really talk to them either. No one gets it. No one listens. Even though they may care. I'm too much to handle. No one wants to be around me or talk to me or listen to me.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: I'm done. - April 1st 2019, 01:15 AM

Everything is so hopeless. My options seem to be relapse or suicide. It'll only get worse if I relapse. So I'm out of options.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: I'm done. - April 9th 2019, 08:45 PM

Your quote at the bottom of your posts is an interesting choice, maybe you should take its advice. I’ve seen your posts and it seems like you try to talk yourself into why death is a good option. I think you need to realize that life is full of choices, and choosing to live and be happy is a valid one. I’m not saying that you aren’t depressed or that you don’t have severe and chronic depression. But what I am saying is the power of choice is immense. There are a million options to make your life better. There are countless ways out, or ways to cope with the things you can’t control. Plenty of users on here will support you and listen...if you want. I’ve offered many times, but you choose to not reach out. I am always here to listen. Other users are available as well. There are many links to crisis chats I can send to you. We care. We truly do.


If it is meant to be, it will be.
   
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Re: I'm done. - April 10th 2019, 10:25 AM

Suicide - is the only way to make your enemies happy. No way, man.
   
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