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buenavides1 Offline
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Suicide is Not the Answer - April 26th 2019, 12:29 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Earlier this day I received a call regarding my cousin. She is scared about going to college and pursuing architecture. Honestly, I feel like she is scared about life that she decided to commit suicide. My 4-year old nephew saw her in the ceiling, with no signs of life. They immediately rush her to the hospital but she was pronounced dead. I don't know that she has been undergoing depression although lately, her social media posts are full of dark images. She even sent a message last month regarding some money issue but just like the usual I and my siblings ignored it because she already owes us a 2000USD debt. Nobody knows that she is stress about everything as it doesn' go as her plan.

I feel like she should have talked to us if there's a problem instead of ending her life. Part of me is guilty and sad as I failed to be there for her during tough times.

Last edited by Special Agent; April 26th 2019 at 11:04 PM. Reason: ADDING PREFIX
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Re: Suicide is Not the Answer - April 27th 2019, 08:04 PM

I'm so sorry that you're cousin died by suicide, that's awful and so sad.

I hope you know it's not your fault, even though it is totally understandable that you'd feel guilty. It sounds like you guys tried to help her, including loaning her a considerable amount of money, and even though there was clearly more going on, it's also understandable that you guys couldn't just keep loaning her money if there was no way she could pay you back; it's not your fault that that happened, she clearly had a lot going on.

Please don't be upset that she didn't talk to you. It's actually quite common for people who die by suicide not to tell anyone. Additionally, she might have been confiding in someone else who wasn't connected to her family (e.g. a friend) so that she could talk to someone who wouldn't tell her parents or whom she wouldn't feel uncomfortable around at family functions. So many people who seriously plan to do it though don't tell anyone they're planning to do it, it's so common for the people who lost a loved one to be shocked and have no idea that things there "that bad" - if they'd told someone, they would have been stopped, and if they genuinely believed death was the only way out then they wouldn't want anyone stopping them. This isn't true for everyone, many people are able to identify suicidal thinking and are able to reach out for help or have the ability to keep those thoughts from becoming action.

Suicide is hard and there's no good answer for it. Of course, in a perfect world, no one would ever think of it, but for those of us who've experienced it, it's part of an illness, our brains are turning against us. It's not the thought of someone who feels well or safe.

I know this is a huge loss for you and I would like to encourage you to reach out to a therapist and speak with family members. Bottling up pain rarely serves us well and reaching out to deal with this kind of loss will really help you.
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Re: Suicide is Not the Answer - April 28th 2019, 04:01 AM

I get what your going through and the feelings you are feeling, and I am sending prayers to you and your family. Just last year one of my good friends decided to take his own life, and for a long time I blamed myself for not reaching out. But, I had no idea he was struggling in the way he was and there were little to no signs he wasn’t just going through normal teenage feelings. This sounds a lot like what happened to your cousin, and I just don’t want you to blame yourself. Your cousin truly believed her pain was unbearable and she would never get out of it, and now she is in a better place. You did what any normal person would do, especially when the problems your cousin was having seemed normal. You did nothing wrong, and just know that she knew how much you loved and cared for her

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Re: Suicide is Not the Answer - April 28th 2019, 07:52 AM

Thank you guys for those kind words, as of now her siblings are trying to figure out the pin code of her mobile device and if there's any message that she tried to send before she passed away. They have already found half of the rope that she used to take her life. They have also seen a 100k USD debt from a lending company which might be the reason why she chose to end her life. Up until now, I can't believe that my childhood cousin/playmate is dead.
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Re: Suicide is Not the Answer - May 12th 2019, 09:57 PM

I'm really sorry to hear about your cousin. It sounds like it must've been very traumatic for you and your family to have found out that she killed herself.

Sometimes people can hide their depression away from friends and family and it can come as a real shock to loved ones when they find out afterwards. People with depression may also post dark things on social media, but as it's social media then other people who may not necessarily have depression may post similar things and it can be difficult to differentiate between those that are really struggling and may be suicidal versus those that are just going through a bad time (but aren't depressed or suicidal).

Money problems can definitely be a big source of stress but again, not everyone who has been in debt is also suicidal. Either way, it can be really hard for people who are struggling with debt and mental health to reach out for help. They may feel a lot of shame about their situation and may feel they don't want to 'bother' others. You have nothing to feel guilty about as you didn't know just how much your cousin was struggling with. And that's not your fault.

It sounds like things must've been out of control for your cousin to be in a lot of debt. It's natural that her siblings would want to figure out the pin to her phone to see if there was a message she was going to send. It was a shock to you all and it makes sense that your family would want to try to figure out what caused your cousin to take her own life and whether there was any last messages that she wanted to send.

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. Do you have people you can talk to during this difficult time, perhaps family, friends or a counsellor? You deserve support right now. We're all here for you too

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