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Winchester666 Offline
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Name: Chris
Age: 18
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Location: Hell

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Everything is getting worse - May 15th 2019, 01:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I had gotten better. I was discharged from behavioral health and my therapist said I was well enough to stop going. But recently, I dont know. I'm finishing up my freshman year of high school (despite what my age says, I put it in two years older on accident). I've always had a problem turning in assignments. I'll have a sudden surge of motivation for a bit where I'll get everything done in my free time, but then I stop caring and it's an endless cycle. And then there's the matter of I cant let go of the past. My sisters always make fun of each other. It's what siblings do. But the things they make fun of me for are the same things the people at my last school did, and they lead me to suicide. It makes me think that the only reason they arent on his side is because they dont know that. If they did, they would probably be on his side. My parents say they care about me and tell me all these stories, but I dont believe it. Everything has gotten worse mentally. I even thought of suicide as a solution in passing. What if I do it again. It would be so easy. It was last time. Maybe it is the only solution. And one of my best friends, my only friend from my last school, wont talk to me anymore. I miss her. She was my reason to live. I dont know what to do.

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Celyn Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Holly
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Re: Everything is getting worse - May 29th 2019, 09:02 PM

Hey Chris, sorry you haven't received a reply yet!

When we are dealing with depression and mental health, it can be quite common to get better for a while and then relapse. Recovery isn't easy or a straight line- there's often ups and downs, time when you feel better, and time when you feel worse.

School can definitely be difficult and I understand your struggles of having a sudden urge to get assignments done only to find later on that the motivation disappears. Would it help to try to stick to a routine- perhaps set aside some time each day to work on an assignment? It might also help to break things down into smaller pieces of work as this may help to make it feel less overwhelming.

I'm sorry to hear about your sisters and teasing. As you say, it's normal for siblings to tease, but I understand that if the teasing is the same/similar to bullying and you felt suicidal at the time, then it makes sense you would have great difficulty with the teasing. Do you think it might help to talk to your sisters about the teasing and just let them know that you don't want them to tease you about things? You don't have to tell them the reasons behind it.

When we feel worse mentally, it makes sense that you would struggle to believe that your parents care. But it sounds like they genuinely do care about you. Would it help if you opened up to your parents about how you have been feeling- the struggle with assignments, the teasing reminding you of past bullying and just overall feeling worse? It can be good to talk about how you feel, more so if it's with people who you trust and who care about you. If you struggle to open up, you can always write them a note or send them a message.

I understand that when things have gone bad, or even worse, that you may be tempted by suicide. But remember that things can get better, even though it might not feel possible at the moment, it doesn't mean that it's impossible.

I'm also sorry to hear about your best friend not talking to you anymore. Is there any way you can try to reconcile- perhaps ask why she isn't talking to you, apologise for any wrong doing, ask how you can make things right etc. If the friendship has sadly run it's course, try to remember that there are other people who you could be just as close to.

You mention that you were discharged from behavioural health and that the therapist thought you were well enough to stop going. Is it possible to talk to the therapist and see if you can get back into that service or find other professional help? It sounds like you are really struggling at the moment and you deserve help and support to get through this.

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