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DisneyGirl Offline
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My life is already crap at 19 - September 21st 2019, 02:56 PM

Hi guys. Some of you may have read my other post regarding the severe anxiety I have about health things. At the end of July I randomly had a panic attack in the middle of the night. Iím 19 years old, I was in college up until this August when I had to drop out since I paid for my own school and couldnít qualify for financial aid and these medical bills killed me. At that time I didnít care about the cost of the ER... I could just ďfeelĒ something was wrong. So, I went to the ER, my heart rate shot up to 130. Had an ekg, several blood tests done and the dr told me it was anxiety. I went back to my regular dr who started me on antidepressants. Since that day I have been super focused and worried something is wrong with my heart despite tests. I started developing a chest pain that was constant. So, I went back to my regular dr and got medicine got acid reflux. I also went to Urgent care twice ( in a months time ) complaining of the same symptoms and begging them to do a chest X-ray which they refused and instead ran another ekg which was fine, they told me it was anxiety as well.

So, basically my financial situation is in a mess. I canít even count how many bills I have, how many payment plans Iím on, I work as a cashier as I was planning on finishing college. Now that wonít happen. My boyfriend is 20 and just got his associates, his parents paid for his school, I didnít get any help with mine and was struggling to pay for it as it is. So now I am devastated and feel my life just crumbling. I graduated high school in 2018, this was supposed to the start of my life. Instead I am barely staying above water and feel like Iím drowning.

As a child my parents never really took me to the dr or dentist. Even when I had problems, they never took me back to dentists. So I had an appointment a couple of weeks ago. Guess what?? 15 cavities!!!! Now I will admit as a child I was not always the best at brushing, however I brush my teeth obsessively now worried about my breath smelling. So I was able to pay for my first two fillings ( thanks God for insurance ) and bad news... they were deep. And since I got that filling on Tuesday I have SUCH a bad tooth ache. The whole left side of my jaw is just killing me. Iíve been picking up all of the hours I can... I probably will need a root canal which can very well cost $4000 by the time itís all done otherwise Iíll need that tooth pulled... in already missing my molar on my right side due to my parents not taking me back to the dentist to have my root canals finished. who knows about the other 13 cavities and if they are deep. Right now I am horrified and terrified. Iím backed into this corner with only myself to get me out. I am so depressed about dropping college, the stress is bubbling over on me and I canít handle it anymore.

I donít know what Iím going to do.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: My life is already crap at 19 - September 26th 2019, 12:34 PM

Sorry to hear about your struggles with health anxiety. It can be very scary having a panic attack, and it makes sense that you would be worried about your heart, more so given your health anxiety. Have you been treated for health anxiety? If you haven't, you may find CBT helpful as it helps to interrupt the checking and worrying cycle. You might be able to find free self-help courses online or even apps that you can download.

It sounds like your financial situation has taken a turn for the worst too and it's bound to make you feel upset that you didn't get financial help for school and had to drop out. I understand that you feel this is supposed to be the start of your life and that instead you feel like your drowning. You've had a difficult start but it doesn't mean that it's over already. Maybe you can come up with plans to start paying off the bills and then you can try to save money to go back to school? It may be a longer way around than if you had had financial help, but you can still aim to go back to school, if that's what you want.

I'm sorry to hear that your parents never really took you to the doctor or the dentist when you were younger. It makes sense that this may also be feeding your health anxiety a bit. I also understand that having parents who weren't persistent in getting you to brush your teeth well can mean that as a child you didn't brush your teeth very well and how this has to lead to consequences now. It's a real shame that medical bills are expensive and that you are in this position and can only get yourself out of it. Focus on your health and try to pay the bills and remind yourself that school might be on the back burner for now, but when you are in a more financially stable position, there's nothing stopping you from going back to school.

You're going through a rough patch and though it may last a while, it won't last forever


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