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Jennaholt Offline
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Am I crazy obsessive? - September 25th 2019, 12:57 PM

I was in an abusive relationship until last year and I'm just realizing that whatever happened was actually abusive. I've been in therapy for the past few months so I'm still healing from all that.
Now the thing is I'm stuck with a professor who is actually incapable of understanding human emotions. Her emotional intelligence is very low and she has said so herself. I've been saying she reminds me of my ex (as in I don't feel safe around her and just a lot of other things) and I think I'm taking that too seriously?
She is verbally abusive. I have no choice but to go to her. Although I know that's who she is and whatever she says shouldn't matter, it matters to me. So whenever I go to her to have a discussion with her about my project, I feel dead inside. I feel like a sacrificial lamb. And this reminds me of how dead I used to feel while my ex had sex with me.
I don't know if I'm obsessed with connecting everything my professor does to my ex or if this is actually normal.
   
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Re: Am I crazy obsessive? - September 26th 2019, 12:15 PM

Coming out of an abusive relationship, and working through it in therapy, can be a difficult time. It can make a lot of sense that you may be on edge, looking for signs that anyone you are with, may also be abusive. Your brain is trying to protect you by keeping you on edge or numbing your feelings.

Unfortunately, being on edge or numbing ourselves after the abusive situation has passed, isn't always helpful. It's true that some professors may be harsh and even verbally abusive and it makes sense that you would connect this back to your ex. However, your professor isn't your ex. Your professor is bound by laws that would make it unethical and unprofessional to be abusive towards you. If you feel that she says or does things that actually is abusive, then it's best to talk to someone. Even better if you can bring someone along to the discussions so that you have back up.

Some times people can trigger us by reminding us of previous trauma. Sometimes it's because these people are acting in similar ways and may even be abusive, other times it may be that we are on edge because they remind us of our abusers, even though they might not be abusive.

Whatever the reason, you are not crazy or obsessed. Do you think this might be worth exploring in therapy?


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Re: Am I crazy obsessive? - September 26th 2019, 01:42 PM

Yes. I was planning to talk about this in therapy and although my therapist is a gem, I don't want to seem like I'm blowing things out of proportion. I feel like I'm becoming delusional so I don't want to seem crazy.
   
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Re: Am I crazy obsessive? - September 26th 2019, 03:50 PM

It's understandable that you wouldn't want to come across as blowing things out of proportion. But I'm sure your counsellor wouldn't think that you are delusional or crazy and that she may be able to explain how trauma can affect you afterwards in that you are always looking out for signs of red flags.

Even if you were experiencing a decline in your mental health and you were delusional, it's still good to talk about these concerns with your therapist so that she is in a better position to help you. Though there's a good chance that what you are experiencing is trauma related.


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