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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
oceaneyes95 Offline
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Just missing old times. - February 3rd 2020, 07:24 PM

I met R the fall right before I turned 18. My dad was dieing of cancer, and my mom had her boyfriend that she cared more about. My dad died in November of 2012, and by January of 2013 my mom was roping my younger brother & I into moving to Missouri to live with her & her boyfriend. My older brother had left for college the same day we moved. By this point a lot of my friends had distanced themselves from me because their lives were sooo much easier than mine. I guess they didn't really know how to relate to me anymore. So, not only did my dad die. But, I was pulled away from my home I had grown up in my whole childhood, my church I had gone to since 14 yrs old, my community, my family & friends, and the cherry on top I was turning 18 soon. Through all of those hardships R was there for me like rocks at the bottom of the river that was drowning me. He lived with his friends, and instead called them family. He referred to them all as a "tribe". The plan was for me to move there to Pheonix, Arizona with them when I turned 18. He lived in a house with his friends C & J who are married, and I was told they had kids in their younger days, but they had been taken away by CPS due to drugs, and they never got to come back home. Then, there was S another friend who was always flirty, and getting in the middle. Then, B who we called Flower. He was closer to my age than any of them. Then, there was N who was very quiet, and kept to himself. By the fall of 2013 I had met Rick, and quit talking to R. But, by time Eli had been born in the fall of 2014 Rick & I were no longer together, and I started talking to R again. But, it was all different by that point because C & J had moved to Missouri, and R came with them. But, S went on to get married, and had a bunch of kids. B met a girl who already had a baby, and they ended up moving in together. Now they're married with another baby. N moved to California to do whatever it is that he wanted to do. They also ALL worked together at the same Mcdonalds. But, It was lonley after the fall out. Like, when I talked to him on the phone there wasn't any commotion in the background. Because it was just him, and C & J. When I first started talking to him. There was always noise in the background. I remember they would be walking around walmart with me on the phone, and they would be just goofing off. They were there Christmas shopping. But, they all went as a "tribe", and made it fun. There was never a boring, or dull moment with them. But, now R is serving a 10 yr prison sentence, and the others are all moving on with life. My life has moved on as well. I had 2 kids, and got married, and got my CNA License, and moved a bunch of times. But, I still miss that group of friends. I miss what could have been. I miss them all wanting to get to know me because R bragged on me so much, and everyone wanted to see pictures me. Everyone wanted to talk to me, and get to know me because I was talked so highly about. But, it hurts that they have all moved on in life. They all have families of their own now as well as I do, but it's strange to think that it's been 7 years since it all started. I had this idea in my mind that like their grass was greener on their side. They were in sunny Arizona where it was always summer, and they didn't have the problems I had. I was so excited to just be able to move there, and be part of what they had. I tried to salvage my friendship with S a few years ago in the summer of 2016 after I had Grayson. I sent him a message on messenger that just said " Hey!" then, his wife replied to my message with "Stop messaging my husband!" So, I was just like "Okay!", and blocked him, then deleted the conversation. I feel like it's gone. I will never get those relationships that were so important to me back. R gets out of prison in 10 years from 2018, but his charges were pretty bad. Plus, he teamed up against me with my mom when she took me to court. He was originally arrested in 2015. But, finally sentenced in 2018. He's currently fighting it to get out earlier, or something. Even after he gets out of prison, there is no salvaging that. There is no coming back from that. There is no "redemption" there. Even though he'll probably try. I mean, if it were for drugs, or something more harmless... sure. But, I have 2 kids. I guess sometimes you have to just let bygones be bygones, and realize some things change permenatly. I can find every single one of them on Facebook. But, I wouldn't dare try to add, or message any of them after what happened with trying to message S. I got closer with them, than I was with my blood family. I finally felt that togetherness that I lacked in my world. P.S I 'm returning to edit the names to something more anonymous soon I just don't have time to do it now.

Last edited by Rob; February 9th 2020 at 10:56 PM.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Just missing old times. - February 21st 2020, 07:18 PM

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you are missing old times. It sounds like you were in a very vulnerable place- losing your dad, being moved away from your home, friends distancing themselves from you- when you met these people. R and his friends where there for you at a time you were at your lowest and needed people the most. And despite all the problems with drugs and later on prison, it sounds like at that moment in time, you felt very connected to R and his friends- to the point of them feeling like a family to you.

Unfortunately, this doesn't always last, as you have found, and people drift away and live their own lives- moving, getting married, having babies etc. Even though you have been busy living your own life too, I think it's very understandable you would miss the old times and the strong connection you could've had with these people. It also makes sense you would to try to reconnect with them, and I'm sorry to hear this didn't go as planned when you tried reaching out to S, and also realising there is no redemption for R. You had good times with these friends, you understandably miss them, and while reconnection may or may not happen in the future, it sounds like you could do with finding other friends- you can still get that connection that you originally felt but with other people!

What do you like to do in your spare time? Any hobbies or volunteering that you'd like to do where you could meet potential friends? Or what about reaching out to the friends you lost before you moved? Also, how do you feel about your family- any potential for getting closer to them? You deserve to feel that connection and togetherness again


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Fishermanmax Offline
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Re: Just missing old times. - February 24th 2020, 06:19 AM

One of my acquaintances was brought out of depression by two ordinary kittens, which she took from a friend. Before that, she had an anxiety-depressive disorder for 5 years, suffered from insomnia. Everything was very bad. Doctors dropped their hands, said they donít know what to do with it. And the kittens brought in a week. After 10 months, she received a stress-suspicion of oncology. Her thoughts of death began to torment her, she was in a very difficult psychological condition, especially in the morning. The diagnosis was not confirmed, but her thoughts did not stop. She started a small chihuahua dog. After a week all thoughts were gone .Sta and distractions, solid pozitiv.Oni three of rage, play, have fun !!! Never had she been so schastlivoy.Vsem health! Love the animals, they really save!
   
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