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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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Exclamation &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 1st 2009, 04:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Help.

It's gotten unbearable. Suicide hotline was shit. It made me feel worse. Been half attempting the past few nights. Like, goign to but didn't. And tonight is going to be different. I want to do it. So if thats the case why am I here posting? I don't know if what anyone says will help me or not. I don't want to be helped. I don't want to be saved. I'm just so fucking tired of feeling so dead. I feel dead.

This guy I liked ALOT told me he wished I had succeeded in killing myslef last November so he wouldn't have had to meet me. It hurts even though I know I should forget him.

Once a month this whole year someoen I know hs died. I'm so tired of losing people. And I've lost so mant friends because I guess I'm just not worth the time anymore. I'm sorry........I'm sorry I'm not a good friend.

I cant talk to my best friends nymore. When I do I get so jealous of them liking someone. I don't like them but I'm terrified theyre going to leave me for a girlfriend or something. Its stupid and bad on my part but it happens all the damn time.

Oh god...I didn't know breathing could hurt so much. Just a couple slit or a few pills and it could be over. I try to pretend Im happy but I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm sad! I'm depressed!

I dont want to be here......
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Bill Mather
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 1st 2009, 05:22 AM

I kind of know what you are feeling right now. I know that life can be hard a ton. I haven't been on the suicide hotline before, but I don't trust it completely because they don't help the problem, they just get you so you don't kill yourself. I know that it can be hard a lot, but you should look to your friends for advise. You probably can be predicting what I am going to say, but that guy that you liked was probably a jerk. It would matter how close you got with him. If you just think that he is just cute or something from the outside then you learned that you need to look deeper. I don't know but if you ever need to talk to someone, I am here for you. You have probably heard this a ton of times before though. Also if you ever need someone to be there 24/7 I am that person I am always have my phone and I am on here a ton too. So just pm me.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 1st 2009, 05:54 AM

Hi hun,

take a deep breath. Sorry about the late reply! I hope you're doing okay.

And I'm sorry that things feel so low And I'm so sorry about what that guy said to you - nobody should ever say that; it's completely disrespectful. You deserve to find someone who'll appreciate you way more.

I'm so sorry that you've been losing people - I understand how that feels. There was a stretch of nearly a year where I realized "wow, I've gone to way too many funerals" or had become separated from way too many people. But the thing with living is that communities tend to form, new and often sturdier friends will come in place of ones that left. Regrowth is possible.

And it's not stupid or bad at all, the way you feel. It's completely valid. Even now I still get scared that the really close friends I've found will leave me or something - but I have to make sure that I don't let that keep me from realizing that so far, they haven't. The bad has not actually happened. And things that are good with them do. So, basically, never give up hoping, and try to keep focusing on the things that are good with those who are important in your life right now.

And keep remembering that no matter what, now matter how "now" may feel, you're always important.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 1st 2009, 06:02 AM

why does any of it matter. it doesnt. *sigh* im just done...
   
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 1st 2009, 06:06 AM

Why? Because life in general matters. You matter because you're here. You matter because we care about you. It matters because you have thoughts and opinions and probably hopes for the future and whatnot.

You don't need to do anything. There are other ways of being "done" with stuff. I've felt completely fed up before and almost copped out, too, but as it turns out I'm still here, and oi am I glad.

Keep sticking it out. You'll get to be glad, too.

Anything you want to talk about?


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
I can't get enough
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 2nd 2009, 09:27 AM

i wrote my suicide note tonight. i want to quit, let go. doing so bad. dont want help. just want everyone to let me go.
   
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 2nd 2009, 03:53 PM

hey hun, i really hope you're ok and that you haven't hurt yourself.
what you've gone through does not determine what you have to do hun, you don't have to go. it's really hard, and it's going to take a long long time for your heart and soul to heal, but the pain will eventually lessen over time. the people you've lost, they're still in your memory (cliched maybe) and they've left a bit of them in you that will be lost if you end your life.
don't give up! if you can't talk to suicide hotlines and your best friends, i know that there're other avenues where you can get support and help, like TH. is there an adult who can listen to you?
as long as there's this one trace in you that does not wish to let go of this life, listen to it. it's fighting for you to hear it.
<3



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
I can't get enough
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 3rd 2009, 01:07 AM

thanks.

i talk to my mom but its a long story. i dont feel i can talk to my mom anymore. Shes got alot of stress and me telling her im suicidal again would just suck. For both of us. Im hopeless. Heh
   
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 3rd 2009, 01:21 AM

Hun... You mean the world to me, I mean it, without you in it, life would be bleak. I hate the time I spend when I'm not able to talk to you, or just be with you. I want to be able to help you... I'm sorry I live so far away, but I'm doing my best to be able visit you soon! You matter much more than you could possibly know! I'm here. Always here. Always will be. For you.
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
I can't get enough
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 4th 2009, 05:35 AM

ya. idk. i dont think i can do this much more. couple more nights. everything is so fucked. im so sfucked. imgoing to. im going to soon.
   
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Re: &Hands reach for her but she still falls - June 4th 2009, 06:01 AM

Hey hun,

I hope you're okay! Hun, you don't have to end anything. I understand how unbearably painful things can feel - but I promise, no matter how "fucked up" things might be - they can and will get better.

I've almost copped out before, too, and yeah, while I still have to put up with all the same issues - the world hasn't collapsed in on me for sticking around. And there have been moments that oi I would have been angry to have missed.

'Cause those moments have been worth sticking around for.

Think of all those moments, that you'd miss out on. And on the people who would miss out on having you in their important moments.

Hang in there, hun. You're always cared about here. And feel free to PM me anytime!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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