TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives    The Holiday Resource


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ladoglover Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
ladoglover's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 101
Join Date: December 27th 2019

depressed but now better - November 19th 2020, 10:34 PM

I was so depressed last night. I felt like doing the c word but I didn't. I was so upset. I felt hopless. I was like omg what am I going to to do now . But everything is fine now {: Im back. I have been given a second chance which is rare. I'm not going to screw up. That means I still have a shot of being chat buddy. Im going to do better. No more screw ups. Im going to try hard.

Im still here if any one wants to chat, just pm me.
What can I do to increase my chance of getting chat buddy? Constructive feedback only please
   
Reply With Quote
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Heathen's Avatar
 
Name: Eli
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary

Posts: 5,959
Blog Entries: 907
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: depressed but now better - November 20th 2020, 02:16 AM

Honestly, I would suggest looking into DBT. You have BPD, if I remember correctly, and DBT is the most effective treatment for that. Just based on what I know of you you have difficulty with all four modules of DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation.

I would, in your case, especially focus on interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation. What hinders you in chat is not your "screw ups," for they are not screw ups. They are a pattern you blatantly and consistently display and, so far, refuse to take responsibility for or make any attempt to alter. Therein lies the crux of your issues on this site, Lauri: you do not take responsibility for yourself. Everything that goes wrong is always someone else's fault, according to you. It's playing the victim and until you grow and develop to get past it you are going to have a very hard time functioning not just on this site, but in life in general.



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
  Send a message via Yahoo to Heathen  
Reply With Quote
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
ladoglover Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
ladoglover's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 101
Join Date: December 27th 2019

Re: depressed but now better - November 20th 2020, 10:00 PM

I have seen 2 DBT therapists in my life. They both hurt me and left me. I have seen about 10 regular therapists. So it is a challenge for me to get a therapist and keep one.

I just want to remind you well not just you but every one to not assume things when it comes to how a person is acting and what they are and not doing. I do not think its intentional. I think we as humans just automatically do it. We need to be more mindful before we do , stop are selves and go hmm things may not be as it seems, there is many reasons the person is doing that behavior and hmm maybe they have changed or taking responsibility but I just haven't seen it for myself.

The point is to then always ask before you assume something so you get the correct information and do not unintentionally harm the person. Too many therapists do this and it is wrong and can harm patients. They assume stuff with out first acting the patient why are you doing something. Things are not black and white therefore therapist s need to ask before assuming stuff.

For example I had a therapist assume I had like socialization issues and she said that because she assumed I did because I never made eye contact with her. So then she assumed thats why I didn't have friends. I was like instead of assuming why don't you ask why are you not making eye contact to get the correct answer instead of assuming and possibly assuming wrong which then harms the patient. I said no im not making eye contact because I get scared to make eye contact with therapists. I make eye contact in my every day life therefore I do not have socialization issues and therefore socialization issues is not the reasons I don't have friends.

So for you. You should ask if I have taken responsibility and ask me if I have done any thing to change before assuming I haven't? So ill answer the question. I have tried to change. One night when some one on chat hurt me really bad I did not get angry, i did not yell at her, I let it go and the next day I stayed off chat for the whole day. The next day I had a slip up I ended up yelling and getting angry at her which made me mad because I thought taking that whole day off yesterday would help me get over it but I guess not. But I tried at least. I am not perfect. Also, I tried just going in to chat to help people but then got hooked on the conversation that was going on but will keep trying to just ignore the conversation and be there to only help others.

I also do take responsibility. Responsibility does not mean its only my fault all the time and no one else Sometimes yes only one person is the cause the one to blame but sometimes its two or more people. By calling myself a screw up that's me taking responsibility I know I screwed up and hate myself for it. It is often not only my fault therefore it may seem im not taking responsibility but I am. I just want the other person to get in trouble too. I want the other person to have a consequence too because they did wrong as well.
I also have been replying to posts on the forum to practice for being a chat buddy. Not many people post in the forum so there is not a lot to do. I am trying.
   
Reply With Quote
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Heathen's Avatar
 
Name: Eli
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary

Posts: 5,959
Blog Entries: 907
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: depressed but now better - November 20th 2020, 10:30 PM

I'm not going to respond to most of that because this thread was created to ask for feedback for chat buddy, and I don't think it's appropriate or productive to get off topic. I will say, though, you probably don't realize it but you did the exact thing I pointed out that I've observed you doing, which is blaming things on other people. In your response to what I said you blamed your therapists and you blamed me for not asking certain things. You, once again, did not take responsibility for yourself.

I am glad you are trying. I know how badly you want to be chat buddy and I hope that, maybe, it will spur you towards having healthier and more positive interactions on this site. But there's a reason you don't, for now, and I already pointed it out. The point of feedback is not to argue with what people say, but to accept their constructive criticism. You don't have to agree with it, but if you immediately turn it around on them and try to justify yourself you're not really open to it. People are potentially going to say things you don't like. Not just here, but in life. This is good practice for taking it in stride.



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
  Send a message via Yahoo to Heathen  
Reply With Quote
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
MsNobleEleanor Offline
Outreach and Communications Officer

I can't get enough
*********
 
MsNobleEleanor's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 3,130
Blog Entries: 1532
Join Date: December 29th 2011

Re: depressed but now better - November 20th 2020, 10:52 PM

Hello Lauri,

Hope you are having a good day today. Do you have any plans for the weekend?

I have been checking up on you in chat for awhile now. I have seen that you have given some great advice and feedback to others. That is very positive and moving in the right direction because I know you can offer others support.

I think I might understand where you are coming from when you say,

Quote:
I also do take responsibility. Responsibility does not mean its only my fault all the time and no one else Sometimes yes only one person is the cause the one to blame but sometimes its two or more people. By calling myself a screw up that's me taking responsibility I know I screwed up and hate myself for it. It is often not only my fault therefore it may seem im not taking responsibility but I am.
If anyone here at TeenHelp is treating you badly, or saying something they shouldn't be saying, letting someone know, for instance; a Lead Moderator, Project Officer, or a Moderator know of the situation so it can be addressed. In any case if it involves a member of TeenHelp's Staff, contacting a Project Coorindator as they oversee all Volunteers. Here is a list of volunteers. Nobody deserves to be mistreated, if that is what you are referring to I hope you are able to reach out to someone and let them know.

Taking responsibility for your actions and being able to reflect on them is a really good skill to have. That is very important to have. I have already seen those changes, you don't need to explain them to others. I know you have been trying, you have been showing it.

Everyone screws up, it happens. When we make mistakes we take time to reflect and think about our actions. In the moment of making mistakes, we sometimes don't always think clearly or about the consequences. It seems that, you do in fact reflect on what happens after the fact, which says, you want to change. Changing our negative behaviour to a positive behaviour is really hard. It takes time. You seem willing to work on that, because you have a goal to be a Chat Buddy.


Have questions or would like to chat send me a PM
+
Outreach and Communications Officer
Resource Editor
Community Moderator | Forum Moderator

   
Reply With Quote
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 17,724
Blog Entries: 1863
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: depressed but now better - November 20th 2020, 11:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen View Post
Honestly, I would suggest looking into DBT. You have BPD, if I remember correctly, and DBT is the most effective treatment for that. Just based on what I know of you you have difficulty with all four modules of DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation.

I would, in your case, especially focus on interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation. What hinders you in chat is not your "screw ups," for they are not screw ups. They are a pattern you blatantly and consistently display and, so far, refuse to take responsibility for or make any attempt to alter. Therein lies the crux of your issues on this site, Lauri: you do not take responsibility for yourself. Everything that goes wrong is always someone else's fault, according to you. It's playing the victim and until you grow and develop to get past it you are going to have a very hard time functioning not just on this site, but in life in general.
This outlines some great suggestions and insights. It can be hard to head constructive feedback from others but it's good to try and take it in, reflect and figure out how you can apply the suggestions to your situation. Change is hard but it's imperative for growth within Teenhelp and in real life.


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
Reply With Quote
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
ladoglover Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
ladoglover's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 101
Join Date: December 27th 2019

Re: depressed but now better - November 21st 2020, 07:57 PM

Lol okay heathen I'm not sure how asking you to please not assume things and to ask before you assume is not taking responsibility. Lol. It's like your saying if I talk about any one else beside myself I'm not taking responsibility which is not true. I'm allowed to talk about other people and life is not just about the individual always doing wrong. People hurt others therefore people are allowed to say this person hurt me by doing such and such.
It was just an example of how common it is for people assume things before first asking the individual a question to get an adequate picture. And I'm big on advocating and voicing what therapits do wrong every chance I can get so hopefuly it brings change . But also everyday people do it too. I just want to bring awesense so people to become more mindful to remeber not assume always ask before so you dont unintentionally harm the person and assume wrong. It's been done too many times to me especially by therapist and the example I gave you should show you how damaging assuming can be and how important asking before is beneficial.

Any ways. Msnobel I am glad some one sees I am trying and that I do take responsibility. Thanks. I report but nothing is done half the time. Thanks though. I'm trying. Hmm not much. Went to the grocery store for a few things, chilling, play sims maybe, nap,I love to nap

I agree Bib change is hard. I'm taking small steps. Trying different things. Maybe I can give my self therpay. Do worksheets and I have the dbt work book as well. Thanks.
Take care
   
Reply With Quote
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
MsNobleEleanor Offline
Outreach and Communications Officer

I can't get enough
*********
 
MsNobleEleanor's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 3,130
Blog Entries: 1532
Join Date: December 29th 2011

Re: depressed but now better - November 22nd 2020, 02:55 PM

Hi again Lauri,

I completely understand and know what you mean by when others make assumptions about yourself; they don't actually ask first so they assume. It does hurt and causes stress. It's very hard to explain to that person that, that assumption isn't accurate and there mind is set on whatever assumption they have about you to be true when it is false.

Some advice that I can give in this situation is: only you know what the truth is, trying to explain yourself until your blue in face isn't worth it because that person is set on believing that assumption, what matters is you know the truth and that what matters the most.

You are right, that if someone hurt you that you are allowed to talk about what happened and how it affected you and your experience. In most cases, everyone usually says, have you talked to the person about how they made you feel? sometimes, that isn't an option for various reasons. I would still suggest this option, I'd encourage using sentences like, "I feel..." using "you" statements come across as attacking and blaming the person. This is about how the person made you feel. Here are examples:

"When you told me my dress looked ugly, I felt ugly and my self-esteem went from 100 to 20."
"I feel disappointed that you didn't connect with me yesterday. It made me feel unimportant and uncared for."


Now if we switched those two sentences up and did this:
"You told me I am ugly in my dress, now I will not wear that dress again."
"Why didn't you come online yesterday, you promised, you don't care about me."


The first one (highlighted in green) is explaining your feelings with that person in a healthy way without blaming them. The second (highlighted in red) is blaming the person, it doesn't effectively express your feelings.

All reports are looked into and taken seriously, they are also investigated thoroughly. It may seem like nothing is being done, when something is. When users submit reports Moderators don't follow-up with the person who reported it for condifentiality reasons. If you have questions about a report that you had submitted you can always contact a Lead Moderator or Project Coorindator and ask if they received your report.

It sounds like a productive day yesterday.


Have questions or would like to chat send me a PM
+
Outreach and Communications Officer
Resource Editor
Community Moderator | Forum Moderator

   
Reply With Quote
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
ladoglover Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
ladoglover's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 101
Join Date: December 27th 2019

Re: depressed but now better - November 22nd 2020, 05:38 PM

Thanks. Good suggestions
   
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
depressed

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.