Triggering (Suicide): help im so fucked up idk what to do

[melol]

Idk what to do im so worn out. i told my parents i was depressed when i was 13 (3 or so years ago) and they immediately got rid of any privacy I had, which wasn't much, and were so fucking annoying about every single possible thing they could possibly do to make everything worse for around 4 straight months. I came out as trans a year later after being forced out of the closet because of my lack of privacy, which they are both against and tell me how because they refuse to accept me bc they are the only ones who are willing to accept me when I change my mind. I also was very suicidal a year ago and have relapsed back into that state of mind, but now I also have sudden mood swings where I am hopeless and unable to enjoy anything, and then suddenly feel on top of the world and feel like I know what I want to do with my life and then back again, sometimes a few times in the span of 10 mins. I've also started to lose my appetite and even when i feel hungry only be able to eat a bit and idk why. what do i do?

i also had been seeing a therapist about other things and although i was depressed i was too scared to say or do anything so thats also a thing :/

[MsNobleEleanor]

Hi Calvin,

Thank you for reaching out to TeenHelp about what is going on for you. I am glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist that is a great step in the right direction. I am sorry that your home life isn't the best and not feeling like yourself.

Losing your appetite can be a sign of many things; one could be how you are feeling and what is going on for you. Sometimes when we aren't feeling emotionally well are appetites can be affected by this. You can try to eat smaller and frequent meals during the day to see if that can help. Are you able to make an appointment to see your doctor and talk about your appetite and how you are feeling every day?

I know you are scared to say things, I am glad that you came here and posted here on what is going on. You are brave for doing that. This is a safe place where you can receive support from others.

Stay strong, Calvin.

[Everglow.]

Hi Calvin,

First of all welcome to TH, and thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with and that your parents haven't been supportive in the ways you have needed. It's understandable that all of this has taken a toll on you and that your mental health has suffered because of this. Seeing a therapist is great, and it takes a lot of strength to reach out for help even if you are hesitant to say too much right now. Building a relationship with your therapist is important and takes time. Your therapist will know that, and they will work at your pace so that when you are ready to share more, you feel safe enough with them to do so. Don't worry about that. It's normal to be scared and they will have had other people who have felt that too.

I am so sorry that your lack of privacy meant you were forced to come out before you were ready. That sounds like a really upsetting situation, especially when your parents are not supportive or understanding. There is support out there and you're not alone with this. Perhaps you could try to find support outside of your family, maybe even with people who have experienced what you have. A great place to do that is with The Trevor Project. They have support options as well as ways of connecting with others, and this is a resource specifically for LGBTQ+ related topics, so it's a really great tool to make you feel less alone.

I know that fluctuating moods is really stressful, and I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this. Do you have any known triggers which cause your mood to change suddenly? If you do, perhaps you can avoid these triggers or discuss them with your therapist so you can get some helping coping with them when they arise.

It's also helpful to take yourself away from a situation which is effecting your mental health if possible. I find that being by myself for a bit is helpful - sometimes outside in nature, or other times with my headphones in blocking out the world. It's helpful to reflect on things too. Why did this situation make me feel this way? What has helped me cope in the past? Can I use that now? Talking out loud could be useful here even if it's just to reassure yourself that you're okay and you will survive this. Sometimes hearing it said out loud is more effective than inside your head.

Please know that you always have options and if you're ever struggling there are people who can help. You can always post here or send a PM, but there are also hotlines who can help if you need it too. You can find those here.

I hope this helps a bit. Take care - you are doing your best and you are getting through this.