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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
icryrainbows Offline
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i never knew the end could come(btw,im sorry if this post should be in the abuse section) - June 3rd 2009, 07:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

so,yesterday,after having another effin bad fight with the parentals,i once again,tried to slit my wrists,suicide.
dont get me wrong,it was a really bad fight.my dad was pissed at me and started swearing at me and at my mum who apparently was a slut,and slept with other men.in fact,if it wasnt for me,they wouldve still been together,because as my dad likes to constantly remind me,im the one who sortof told my dad,gave him the first hint that she was sleeping with other men.and i was only 3,but i pinted at some guy on the telly,and said to my sister "hey doesnt that guy look like mums boyfriend?"
my sister was nine at that time and she yelled at me, telling me to shutup.
i remember that night,when my mum came home,one look at my dads face,and she ran out the house.
the next time i saw her, she was black and blue from head to toe,and a huge black eye that stayed for months.
my dad ot custody of us,because my mum didnt want us.or probably,just me.
anyway,i ran upstairs after the fight,and then i heard him screaming,and yelling for me to come down,all the time,dissing my mum and me.he was going to beat me up too.but my stepmum saved me by telling me to run upstairs and lock myself in my room.dont think shes the good guy,she always gets me into deep shit,then pretends to save me the stupid bitch.
anyway, then after some time,he banged my door, yelling at me to open it,and i did. he sat down yelling at me,and dissing me,and making fun of me because i was shaking like mad,and told me to stop it now or else.i couldnt stop though and that just pissed him off even more.then my stepmum came in and my diary was there and she read my latest entry of what happene, of me calling them fucking arsegoles and swearing my ass of at them,and about how i just want pain,and my suicide atempt.
dad told me how much he hates me,and how i am a pain,and a mistake,and how he wishes i would just kill myself and get it over with,and lots of other crap.after a while,they both left,and i locked my door,crying,and cutting my thigh, deep cuts,and then i cut my wrist,blood came pouring iut,but yet today,i am still alive.,all this happened last night,i hate them both,and they hate me to death.im scared hes going to beat me up or do something worse.before he left,he spat on me and the ground, saying shit.i live in a country, where childabuse isnt illegal,and there is no helpline.i need help,im afraid that next time,i will try to kill myself and it would work.im scared im going to start on drugs.i know where to get them from.and once im ungrounded and get money,i will.
its gotten so bad,anyone have any ideas about what to do?
   
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floatingangel Offline
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Re: i never knew the end could come(btw,im sorry if this post should be in the abuse section) - June 3rd 2009, 07:11 AM

hey hun, i'm so sorry you've to go through all that at such a young age...
*hugs*
what has happened to your parents was not your fault. it was NOT YOUR FAULT. the adults had issues that they simply wanted to find someone to pin their problems on. is there anyway you can get out of the house to a friend's? you deserve to get out of there hun, and get help, in any way you can.
you don't have to keep hurting yourself... you're the good guy here. everytime you want to hurt yourself, stop and think about how that's simply giving in to your circumstances. show them that no matter what they've done to you that you can be strong and stand up for yourself.
it's going to be hard hun, and i know that your nightmare will take a long time to come to an end. but ending your life is not the way out, it's never too late to start a new life. and i really pray for your safety hun.....
<3
have hope! and stay safe..



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Bill Mather
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Re: i never knew the end could come(btw,im sorry if this post should be in the abuse section) - June 3rd 2009, 07:11 AM

This is a bad thing that has happened to you. I am sorry that you live in a place where your dad can treat you like this, and no one can do anything about it. You have so much to live for. I know that what I am saying may not alter your opinion about what you are going to do. If you don't want to get addicted to drugs, and you know that once you are ungrounded you will get some, then maybe the best thing to do is to stay grounded. I know that its a wild card, but it's worth a try. I have been in the situation that you are in too. I have planned my whole suicide out before and I have also cut. I get yelled at by my mom and step dad everyday. It's not something that I like, and I don't think that anyone should. So just stay strong and know that if you are on this site, and you ask for help, then there is bound to be someone to help you.


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