Triggering (Suicide): I don't know where to put this

[Moon]

A few people know that yesterday, on my birthday, was my last session with my therapist. After 2 suicide attempts in the span of a month, she decided that I need an elevated level of care, and is requiring me to complete a more intensive care program before she can see me again. I sobbed during and after therapy yesterday, because she is the ONLY person in my life that I have EVER completely and unquestioningly trusted. She's told me that once I complete the program, we can start sessions again, but getting there feels like it's going to be impossible.
I feel like, eventually, this feeling of being abandoned by her and losing her is going to overwhelm me to the point that I attempt to kill myself again.
I start my new program today, or, well, at least have my assessment.
It feels like everything I've worked through and towards since seeing my therapist has come completely unraveled. Losing her is unquestioningly one of the most painful things I've ever experienced emotionally.
I just don't think I can bear to live in a world where I don't get to see my therapist every week.

[Moon]

Update: I had my assessment for the new intensive care program, and after it was completed I was informed it could take 2-4 weeks to start.
Which, is a long time when you're struggling with certain things. Add in that I attempted only 2 weeks after the first time I got out.. If that track record keeps, I'll be in the hospital again soon ��