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Unhappy Depressed - June 7th 2009, 04:05 PM

I don't know where I am going with this thread so please bare with me. I feel so depressed. I've never had any close friends, I've been bullied at school since I was 9, had enough of their bull shit and finally left at 13. I can't remember the last time I was ever really happy. It seems like people only know me when they want me to do something or want something of mine. I've tried looking for any clubs or social activites for me to get involved in, but where I am there is NOTHING that gains my interest. Every morning after I wake up, I go back to sleep hoping I don't wake up again, cause I don't really see anything worth getting up for. I have no motivation and nothing to look foward to in life. I find it very difficult to communicate with anyone. On top of all that the one and only girl I have ever been in love with (and she knows it) made it clear to me today that we will never be. Fuck. Been considering SH recently, but I don't think that achieves anything other than being both emotionally & physically hurt. So why do I want to do it? I'm fucked up. If I had the choice, I'd swap my body & health with a paralized person as I'm sure they will have more use with it than me. I have made a few achievements in life, but I can't strive (is that the word?) off those forever. Right now I just wish I could hug someone and cry till I fall asleep. Sad, but that's all I feel like doing. I want to improve myself, but don't know how, or where to start. Yet at the same time I just want to end it all, no more suffering etc.. I'm the sort of person I hate. Grrr.

Sorry I know my post is all over the place. I will try tidy it up later. I just felt I needed to get this off my chest.
   
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Re: Depressed - June 7th 2009, 07:22 PM

Heyy,

I know this is hard but things will turn around someday, things always turn around! I'm sorry that you were bullied for all of those years and never had any "close" friends, that sucks. But maybe you can get involved with things outside of school, if you look around there are probably plenty of things going on around your community where you could make friends!

Don't give into the SH urges. IT WILL NOT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER! Like you said, what's the point of being both emotionally and physically hurt, that just makes it worse!

You are NOT screwed up! Everybody goes through rough patches in their life but things turn around and change for the better! Sometimes, we all need a good cry, so maybe that will make you feel better. Tears are after all healing.

It seems you want to improve yourself and change for the better and that is the first step! Take it little steps at a time. When you feel negative, take that negative feeling and turn it into something positive! Baby steps. You will get through this!

If you want to, you can PM me!
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keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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