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i hate this. - June 9th 2009, 09:01 PM

I can't change no matter how hard I try. I need somebody to talk too, you know face to face, sit down and talk. But I have nobody because my mom won't drive me anywhere and it sucks. There are like three different people I could talk to at church but can I get up there, no. Sure, I can text them or e-mail them but I want to TALK. I have nooo wayy to though and if I ask my mom to take me up there, it's going to be a million questions and she always gets mad when I try to talk to her, so I'm just done.

I don't have any choices. I can't take this pain anymore. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go out with friends, nothing. I just want to sit here in my misery. But I hate this sooo much. I don't want to be like this forever. Sometimes, I think life would be better off without me. Everybody would be happier. I don't know I HATE THIS! ):

when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
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Re: i hate this. - June 9th 2009, 10:21 PM

Hey Cassie,

People would definitely not be happier without you. You are special and worth it and so would be missed loads if you weren't here. You might not believe that but really it is true. It must be so hard for you not having anyone you can talk to in person. Could you not think of an excuse for going to church so you can talk to these people? I am not really sure what you could say but couldn't you just say you wanted to go to church or something. I am sorry that your mum gets mad when you try and talk to her. You could try sitting down with her when she has time and trying to explain things. It seems like she doesn't really understand at the moment and so gets mad.

You do have choices about what you do. You might not see these. Going out with friends would give you a break from everything, which might be just what you need right now. It would enable you to get out as well and that might help to lift your mood. You won't be like this forever Cassie. You have to keep going and fighting through this. I believe you can do it. Stay strong :-)
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Re: i hate this. - June 10th 2009, 04:05 AM

Is there some way you can call one of those people you know at church to come pick you up and go out to lunch to talk one day? Or maybe see if you can get your mom to drop you off at a mall or something and meet one of those people there? I understand about not wanting to get your mom involved...my mom asks a million questions whenever I say anything about talking with other people and not her. Texting and email isn't all that great when you really need to spill your feelings and have someone listen to you in person, but if that's all you have right now, then try using it to help until you have the chance to talk to someone in person. Personally, I have a really hard time talking to people face to face, so writing things out helps me get my feelings and thoughts straight, and then the person I'm talking to can get back to me whenever they're able to. Just hang in there until you can find a way to talk to someone in person... it won't be forever and you'll probably feel a whole lot better once you do.

Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
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Re: i hate this. - June 10th 2009, 05:58 PM

Hey Cassie,

I've seen many threads of yours in Depression and Suicide throughout the time I've been on the site, and I have to say - I admire how you ask for help and keep on fighting. It's definitely an admirable trait of yours and it shows that you are a fighter.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I find it so helpful to be able to talk to someone in person rather than through the Internet or phone. It feels more personal, and that you have more of their attention. I would suggest that if you can, to get counseling. It's really great if you need someone to talk to. With the people that you want to talk to now, perhaps you could arrange for them to come to you sometimes? If you need to talk to people that you can trust, I would say that explaining to your mom just how conversation helps you would be good.

I hope you feel better soon Cassie. PM me if you do want to talk.
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