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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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live.laugh.love
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happy freaking birthday to me. - June 14th 2009, 04:06 AM

can i not have one good day out of the year, just one.
i mean, i had fun for the most part but the feeling was always lingering in the back of my mind. and now everybody finally went home and now i just want to collapse and cry. i feel suicidal once again! so i think i am going to tell somebody tomorrow since i have church... but they'll be all happy "it was your birthday, how was it..." and i'm going to ruin it because i'm going to be sitting there all sad and be like "horrible, i wanna die." go freaking me. ihatelife. i promised myself and my best friend that i would make it til 17 like a year ago, so there i'm seventeen, now the promise has been completed, so i have nothing holding me back. why not? [:


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Re: happy freaking birthday to me. - June 14th 2009, 04:47 AM

Hey Cassie,

Happy Birthday!

I know how horrible it can be to feel happy one minute and sad the next. It sucks but when you get like that could you try to remember the happiness you experienced?

I think talking to someone about this would be a great idea and I doubt it would ruin their day or anything. If you feel comfortable enough to talk to someone about this than they must have done something to build your trust and they would probably be glad to know that you are talking to them instead of doing something irrational.

Now, you said you promised your friend that you would make it to seventeen and you did why not make a promise to the same friend that you will make it to 18? Then you would have a reason to keep going.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: happy freaking birthday to me. - June 14th 2009, 11:41 AM

Hey Cassie.

Happy Birthday I'm glad that you had fun for the most part - that's really great.

I'm sorry that that 'feeling' was in the back of your mind, Cassie - I know how frustrating and tiring that can be. I'm sorry that you're feeling suicidal again. What was it that made your day fun, Cassie? If you try and figure out what made your day just that little bit better, do you think you could follow some of these things through and experience/do these things again?

I think that it's a good idea telling someone at church how you're feeling. It's okay to tell them that you're sad, because you are - they're valid feelings you're experiencing and there is no need to lie about them. If your day was partially fun, that's great - you must remember that it was fun for the first part!Though if you do feel sad at the end of it, that needs to be addressed because you deserve to have support if you need it.

You do have things holding you back. You have this friend, i'm sure she wouldn't want you to not make it to 18. You have all of the people at your church who care about you. You have the opportunity to have fun again. You have the opportunity to change this year, so you don't have to live like you lived last year. Identify what you don't like about life and improve it. Don't give up.
   
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Re: happy freaking birthday to me. - June 14th 2009, 11:47 AM

Hey, happy birthday Cassie!

You may have made that promise, you may have made it to seventeen but what's stopping you as said to make another promise to make it to eighteen? As for telling someone at church, it won't ruin their day or anything to tell them how you are really feeling and lying won't make you feel better at all. If you tell someone they could be able to help you.

I'm here if you want to talk x
   
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Re: happy freaking birthday to me. - June 14th 2009, 06:53 PM

Bah,
I chickened out like always and she knew I had something to say but then she had to go. I hate myself and how I am so incapable of speaking when it matters the most. I never say what I need to say and I NEED TOO. They are up their doing the week but I need an excuse of why I am going up there. My mom won't go for the "oh, I need to talk to somebody..." Either she'll ask one million questions or will be like "no." If I can find a good solid reason why I need to go up there, then I could. I could always text them as well and ask them what I should do but I don't know???

Gah.
I'm stupid.
I wish I was dead.
]=


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Re: happy freaking birthday to me. - June 14th 2009, 11:24 PM

Hey Cassie,

I am sorry to hear that you didn't talk to them about what is going on but please don't be so hard on yourself. It is extremely hard to tell me how we are feeling and you should just be proud of yourself for realizing that you NEEDED to talk to someone and were willing to give in a TRY. So you didn't talk to them; that doesn't mean you are some horrible person!

Maybe you could email them and explain everything. You said she knew you needed to talk to her, right? Well, maybe you could start out by saying 'today in church I wanted to talk to you but....' and then go into detail about everything and what not. Sometimes it can be easier to tell people things over the phone or internet. Right now the most important thing is that you talk to someone.

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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live.laugh.love
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Re: happy freaking birthday to me. - June 15th 2009, 05:50 PM

I just don't know what to do anymore, it hurts.
I can't take this, I just want to crawl into a hold and die.
I should just die.


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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