TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Just can't hold on anymore - June 27th 2009, 05:31 AM

I tried I really did. I can't do this anymore. I breakdown all the time in extreme suicidal fits. Everyone keeps yelling at me. I feel sick to my stomach non fucking stop. God I'm a fucking mistake. I wish I was dead.

DAMNIT I WANT to DIE. Just FUCK everything. They threw it all away I mean jesus you would think when your own son is going through the hardest time of his life you wouldn't say you FUCKING HATE him to his FACE would you?? She threw it away and now I'm here without the LAST FUCKING THING that was keeping me alive. Fuck liars, fuck cheaters, fuck love, fuck cancer, fuck family, fuck "friends", fuck life, none of it means anything.

Last edited by UnknownLife; June 27th 2009 at 06:38 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,874
Blog Entries: 1770
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 27th 2009, 12:15 PM

Hey Kris,

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time at the moment but you can get through this you just have to keep on believing.

It sounds like you should try talking to someone about all this. I know how hard that is but it can help. You know, I don't think that anyone is a mistake so that means that neither are you! If you were not meant to be here then you wouldn't be.

Kris, it sounds like you have a lot of anger pent up inside and I have heard that pent up anger turns into sadness and sadness can turn into suicidal thoughts. So, my question is is there any way you could express your anger positively? A punching bag? Talking to someone? Maybe a friend or a counselor? Maybe if you got some of this anger out you would start feeling a little bit better?

From what I read someone you really cared about died from cancer(fuck cancer?) and I am so sorry. That is never an easy thing but from experience I would think that your lost loved one would want you to continue living. They wouldn't want you to give up on living because they died if anything they would want you to live life to the fullest so that you could experience the things they might have missed out on. I know it is hard to fathom living after someone you love dies but it is possible and the truth is they would want you too. Death sucks and it hurts like hell and a part of you will always miss that person but you WILL heal.

Please stay strong and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Katrina Offline
you only live once.
I can't get enough
*********
 
Katrina's Avatar
 
Name: Katrina
Gender: Female
Location: New York.

Posts: 3,114
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 27th 2009, 01:39 PM

Kris, hi.

That does suck. I'm really sorry to hear about all of it. If you'd like to elaborate on anything you're going through, please feel free. [: The more you tell us, the more feedback [and hopefully help] we can give back to you.

It's not okay for your family to kick you when you're down, especially if you've been treating them the right way. Do you know what triggered them to tell you that they hate you? Is it something that's been going on for a while? To me, them telling you that repeatedly almost seems like verbal abuse, and any sort of abuse is simply not cool at all.

What are you going through right now, Kris, that makes this the most difficult time of your life? I know it seems like I'm pressing, but I just have this thing where I think that everyone has a very important story and it deserves to be heard and listened to.

Keep ranting and talking. Bottling things up isn't a good idea, so try to let them out. Please take care of yourself. You're worth it.



  Send a message via MSN to Katrina  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Em... Offline
smile; it looks good on you.
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Em...'s Avatar
 
Name: E
Gender: Other

Posts: 634
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 27th 2009, 03:04 PM

Hi Kris.
Let's just try taking a deep breath and calm down a bit. It's a huge accomplishment for you to come out to reach for help here. So Kudos to you, keep reaching out for help.

It's obvious that you are going through a difficult time in your life. But Kris, Suicide is not the answer. "Suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary Problem"

There's a lot of hate going on in your life. Would you like to elaborate on the situation going on in your life? This way more feedback can be provided and we can help you.

Did your friends go behind your back? They don't deserve to be your friends. They are missing out on a great guy. It is their loss.

Did someone close lose their life to cancer? That's extremely unfortunate. Dealing with grief is hard. People can take two paths. The good one and the bad one. Try to turn the incident into a positive experience. Try helping with organizations that support cancer research.

Try not to focus on the negative things in life Kris. People care about you and would hate to see you go. Try talking to someone close about these feelings for a bit of a personal touch. Like a cousellor, trusted adult, or teacher.

Things will get better Kris, you just have to believe it. Keep a positive mental attitude, no matter how hard that may be. Feel free to PM anytime if you want to talk. Please take care of yourself.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Prozac Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
Prozac's Avatar
 

Posts: 3,499
Blog Entries: 108
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 27th 2009, 03:17 PM

Hey there Kris,

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling like this right now. I know how hard life can be sometimes and how hard it is to suffer from breakdowns. It must be so hard for you to deal with, but you ARE dealing with it Kris, you’re doing so well.

You must feel so awful right now. I’m sorry that you feel as though death would be your best option right now. However, it’s easy to think of these negative options when you’re slightly unstable, Kris. Suicide may seem like the easiest option right now, but trust me that it is never the best option and can only make things worse. Have you thought of any other options for dealing with things? A lot of things are resolvable or things that can change with time. Sometimes you should just take comfort in the fact that things do change over time – everything changes one way or another. You will not always feel this way, as long as you keep living.

You can work on things in order to make things better for yourself. You can work upon relationships – you can talk to whoever is yelling at you and tell them that you’re having a hard time right now. You can reach out to an adult who you’re comfortable with and explain to them that you’re having a hard time and that you’re feeling suicidal. People are there to help and support you, Kris – you’re never alone. Talk to someone, tell them how you’re feeling.



We’re always here for you.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 27th 2009, 08:25 PM

Hey Kris,

*hugs*

I'm sorry that things really suck right now.

But you're not a mistake.

You're not worthless.

I'm glad you're not dead.

Kris, people can't be mistakes. They may make them, but they are not them. And it doesn't seem like you've made too many of those, anyway.

I'm so sorry that the people in your life are being ridiculously unsupportive right now. But when they say things like they hate you - don't believe them. They don't hate you. They more likely hate how they're feeling, hate seeming powerless to themselves, hate not being able to deal with their own emotions - but none of that has to do with you. Unfortunately, people just project their own frustration onto other people. But please don't let their words or disregard affect your own sense of self-worth.

You deserve to have support. Real support. Have you checked into a counselor? Or even a group thing? And we're always here for you.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 28th 2009, 07:10 AM

I do have a lot of anger and a lot of hurt bottled up in me. I don't care to get it out anymore. Really I think running here to TH like I've done over the last 3 years is my release in a way even though it doesn't release anything. Physical activities are out of the question right now. I feel so horribly weak from my treatments.

No no one died. I was diagnosed in a very early stage of cancer when I felt a slight lump a few weeks ago. Currently getting treated which is making me sick.

Friends lol......no they didn't go behind my back at least not this time. They just completely walked outta my life when I tried to talk to them about my problems. Having talked to most of them in almost a month.

My girlfriend. God nevermind, I don't even want to talk about her right now. I love her so fucking much but she just can't stop hurting me.

Negativity is ALL thats left in my life and the more I think on it the more that becomes a reality. There is no GOOD. There is no HOPE. I'm an empty shell of a person. My life has been reduced to nothing
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 28th 2009, 04:11 PM

Kris,

your life is way more than nothing.

And even when people do get to the point where their life is basically at its worst - that means they can only go up from there.

I've never had cancer, but a lot of people close to me have, and I know how much the treatments suck. But the negativity from them, and from everything else that's going on, isn't permanent. It will pass. Instead of feeling like you have to be pitted against your situation - find ways to work with it to grab opportunities for the better. Like, could you try working with the hospital to see if there's anything you could get involved in as another release, another way to meet people, another way to find support to cope with what's going on, anything like that?

You deserved to be treated and loved like a human being. By your family, by your friends, by any girlfriend. And if they don't recognize that, then the abusive relationship isn't worth your time, and you deserve to fill that spot with a healthier relationship. Remember to look out for yourself, too, Kris.

Hang in there <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 05:08 AM

Sorry but I just don't believe that anymore.

Well dancer, you've been following my posts and everytime I think I hit bottom there's always something else that falls on top. Have I truly hit bottom? Will some other part of my life fall apart (probably)?

Really, I just don't feel up to it. Like I was going to respond to this earlier but I got so sick and I couldn't raise my hands to type. Just getting up to go get treatments takes so much out of me its not even funny. I think with how bad my depression has became has alot to do with that too though

I don't deserve that anymore. Since I've failed myself and given up on myself so should everyone else. And I don't really blame my girl for what she does, I mean look at who I am, who I've wasted away into.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 05:15 AM

Hey Kris,

whether or not you believe it, it's still true.

I'm not going to say that bad days, rough patches, unfair stuff, things like that aren't going to happen anymore. Because they will. But that doesn't mean that things will fall apart in a big way anymore. But, I don't know if I'm a qualified judge to ever say what "rock bottom" is for someone, even those I know well. And I don't think "rock bottom" is really ever actually recognized until the person moves away from it and is able to look back from the vantage point of the progress they've made.

Kris, you're a living, breathing, thinking, feeling human being. You're a person. And no person ever, ever deserves to be treated poorly, no matter what they've done. A family friend once completely ignored his alcoholic wife and kids because of how far into drugs he had fallen, kind of ripped through things for a while, but even he still deserved to be treated like a person no matter how un-human his actions might have been. Because it was still a human doing them.

He managed to turn himself around.

If you don't like who you are, then you can change that, too.

Depression can definitely take a physical toll, and combined with cancer treatments, that can be really tough to handle. I really would suggest talking to the hospital to see what sort of counseling or support options there are - programs like that can help people to be not so alone in what they're going through, sort of a "hey, so I'm not the only feeling this right now, and there are people who have felt like this, dealt with this, and gotten through."

What do you think?

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 06:35 AM

Well I'm not going to think Ive hit bottom ever again. Too many times I've thought I'm finally there and have been have been dealt crushing blows to my life right after.

He has people that REALLY love him though. To pick him up. To let him lean on. I have no one. My girl loves me but she has her own problems and I'm don't even want to know the adverse effect on our relationship would be if I told her how I was feeling. It's becoming VERY obvious though as she asks me many times through the day if I'm ok. When you have someone in your life that will support you in recovery, its not necessarily easier but it gives you a comfort. I had people by my side when I was trying to clean up from drugs and alcohol and it made it so much better. You understand where I'm coming from?

I've tried to change. I really have. In fact I'm a completely different person than I was 3 years ago except for 2 things, I still have depression and SAD. They are IMPOSSIBLE to get away from.

I don't know. I just don't want to do the whole support group deal or counselor. It's never helped before why would it now?
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 06:50 AM

Yeah, I definitely understand where you're coming from. Having people to help you through stuff like that - having support - definitely helps. That's why I'm currently planning to finally tell someone about my SHing. So, yeah, I definitely get that.

Eh, the family friend was kind of shunned a little bit... I didn't know about it until after it happened... but at any rate, you're not alone. You have us. And sometimes telling people things that seem negative don't actually have a negative effect on the relationship. I was afraid to tell my friends when I was suicidal because I was afraid it would screw up the friendship, when I knew that they had stuff of their own to deal with, but it ended up just bringing us closer.

So, you don't have to hit rock bottom to turn things around. It's amazing, that you've made progress - keep going! Yeah, stuff like depression often sticks around - but it doesn't have to be unmanageable.

So, I can't say for sure what would help you and what wouldn't, but sometimes a new, different counselor can actually make a bunch more difference. And... maybe things would be different now, because things are different now, your situation and whatnot.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 07:20 AM

Hey I just want to say thanks dancer. You're an amazing person and everytime I see you post you are always trying to help others and you've posted in I think every thread I've made. You're an inspiration to myself and probably many many others. Please do tell someone, you do not deserve to go through SH and stopping by yourself. I know I have my problems but I'm here if you want to talk about anything.

Well that changes things. Yea you can pull through with minimal support but its so freakin hard. Its just killing me feeling like I'm being drug across the ground for years now and never being able to stand up.

But I don't think I've made progress, in fact I know I haven't. Just because I've changed doesn't mean things are better. At times, I wish I still used and drink as heavily as I did. Back then I didn't feel the constant lows as often. But I do know I will NEVER go back to that life. Which is another reason why I won't take medication for my depression because I know if I get tempted like that, I will take it. Once an addict, always an addict and you have to be ever vigilant against you're addictions. Well, I guess I have made progress in ways

I just don't know. Talking to someone I don't know sets off anxiety especially if talking about things like this. I don't need the added stress that would cause right now.. I don't think. Maybe it'd help
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 07:32 AM

Wow. Really, wow. Thank you. It was really - amazing, to hear that. Nice to know you're here, too

Being drug across ground is not a good thing to feel. But eventually your feet hit some bump and manage to get themselves reoriented. We'll figure out how to getcha back on your feet.

Kris, I think you've made a freaking lot of progress. It's a GIANT step, deciding that you don't want to go back to drugs and drinking like that - and then actually taking the steps to prevent that. So many people don't. That's so amazing and something to be really proud of.

It's also good that you're not introducing things that would just add more anxiety. But... if you think that it could help, then I would still suggest maybe looking into it. You could maybe mention that talking about it actually sets of anxiety, and the counselor could maybe help figure out how to approach the session differently. I remember there were some times I would go to my school counselor to tell her about something that had happened at home and end up just feeling worse afterwards. So we'll try to keep stuff like that from happening.

Or... even just having someone to talk to in general can be helpful. Having someone who knows what's going on and is willing to help, but who you can talk to about other stuff, not necessarily about your treatment or anything, might work. Like, someone you can talk to, just not about stuff that's going to stress you out more for having talked about it. Sorry, that paragraph's kind of convoluted. Did it make sense?


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 07:59 AM

I will say that things did start to get better about 3 years ago but it seems like ever since my best friend lied to my girl about me and tried (and temporarily succeeded) to break us up in December 06, it has been down hill. I've been trying non stop for 3 years to catch one break but its been a constant hounding of hurt and pain and sickness and backstabbings. I want to wake up with a smile on my face so badly but it seems I never will but I gotta keep hoping its all I got left. And you have shown me that dancer.

Yea I guess. I just realize now that I will NEVER get better if I just attempt to mask it. It doesn't solve anything and I wish I knew that back then. Maybe if I had never started down that path I would've been better by now. Probably so, but thats why I won't touch drugs and only drink very rarely.

I don't see how any approach to it will be different. I mean no matter what I will be walking into counseling no matter how you look at it and it will freak me out. I wouldn't even say one word about my feelings and emotions and problems to my last counselor.

You made sense lol. I would but I don't have anyone like that that I could go to. All I have are people I very very rarely talk to anymore and my girlfriend. Like I said, I don't feel like I can bring my thoughts and feelings to her comfortably. I mean I've tried before to, a few days ago I was really feeling it about what happened with my family and I muttered "I hate my fucking life" and she heard it and just went "Get the fuck outta here if you're gonna be like that" so you see why I don't want to talk to her about this?
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 08:18 AM

Okay, if I could give you a giant bear hug right now (or as much a bear hug as I'm capable of giving; I'm not exactly that giant a person ), I would.

I am really sorry to hear about what happened with your friend though. People can be so ridiculously immature sometimes. If you've been stuck with the same people, though, I can see how that same behavior would keep coming up. But I think there are still quite a few people left for you to meet, who will actually treat you decently.

So, yeah, keep hoping

Masking the problem definitely doesn't make it go away. I'm really glad that you realize that - so many problems just end up getting worse when people don't just face them.

Yeah, I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk to your girlfriend about stuff - I'm sorry that she responds that way. Sometimes understanding people kind of just show up one day without us expecting it, though, (I kind of feel like problems call for answers, so you can't have a need without eventually getting a solution, too). But if I can figure out any sort of social magic wand (or actual practical solution ) to help out there, I'll definitely let you know. But hey, we (I ) are always here to talk, whenever you need an ear to listen.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 08:47 AM

Oh btw, I just want you to know that you've personally saved my life quite a few times. You have no idea how much I appreciate the amount of time you've spent talking to me. You have no reason to thank me but I could never do enough to repay what you've done for me.

Lol then I'd give you the bear hug since you deserve one more than me

Oh no lol. He lost my friendship the first day he started saying the things he was saying to her. God it makes me so mad still to this day.

I just don't know how to talk to people in person that I don't know. It's like it's entirely impossible. I get in a situation where meeting a new friend is so easy but I can't say a word. I don't get it
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 09:03 AM

Anytime, Kris. I'm glad I could help You're a nice person to help, anyway. So thanks for the thanks.

And thanks for the hug You'd probably be better at it than I would

Hmm... I kind of understand what you mean. I've had that "freezing" response in social situations, but I really think my back-diving experience really captures what it feels like - have I shared this yet? I find it rather amusing. One summer when I was younger I was finally determined to do a back-dive off of the diving board instead of off the side, but I apparently developed a random fear of three-foot heights, so while I knew that jumping off should have been easy, and that my brain was telling my feet and knees to move, I wasn't going anywhere, and I was just kind of stuck, not moving.

But... we'll work on getting your social feet moving Do you know of there's anything in particular - any certain inhibition or apprehension or something - that keeps you from talking? Sometimes figuring out the "why" behind the "what" can help in working out a "how" to change that.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#19 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 09:21 AM

Hah no way. It'd be just as good coming from you as coming from me.

Yep thats basically exactly how it is lol. You a pro back diver now?

Hmm you know I've never really thought in that way to fix it. I'd have to say my inability to talk small talk. I hate it. I feel like an idiot when trying to do small talk lol. I don't really know what else to say though so I freeze and just don't approach someone I don't know.
   
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 29th 2009, 09:39 AM

lol Thanks

Mmm, still working on the back-dive thing. I'll letcha know once I've got it down. Go out for the olympics or something

I think that small talk in general is just awkward. Learning to deal with it is a skill basically everyone has to learn. Sometimes, small talk goes better with some people more so than others, too. Stuff like name (if you don't already know it), work, school, interests, likes/dislikes (in stuff like movies, sports, books, music...), what people are doing over the summer, volunteering experiences, stuff like that can help start conversations. And unfortunately, awkward pauses do happen. Even in otherwise non-awkward conversations. Sometimes, just letting them happen until you think of something to say, and not forcing yourself to say something before that, or otherwise pointing out that an awkward silence is occuring can help break the tension. I have a friend who will actually make faces. But you don't have to get quite as daring as that

Idk, maybe help any? You're talking to a quiet person here


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 30th 2009, 01:40 PM

God DAMNIT. I start feeling just a little better now this. My dads right though I am NOTHING. Dancer please just give up on me. I'm not worth all the time you've put in. I'm not gonna beat this. This is who I am and this is what will be the death of me
   
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - June 30th 2009, 03:12 PM

Kris!

No way in hell am I giving up on you.

Your dad's freaking wrong. Just because someone's your parent doesn't make them right. You're totally worth all the time in the world, Kris, and yes, you are gonna beat it, because I'm not going anywhere until you do.

So, what happened?

We'll getcha through this.

Hang in there <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 1st 2009, 05:19 AM

Why? What the hell do I matter to ANYONE??

No my dad's fucking right. I AM nothing. I AM no one. I'm just a waste of space on this earth. Just get in peoples way. I need to get out of the way and there's only one way to do that.

I don't even know what the fuck happened. I don't really care. All I know is that I'm considered a useless mistake of a person and son.
   
  (#24 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 1st 2009, 05:22 AM

Kris,

you matter to me. A whole freaking lot. And you matter to your girlfriend, and regardless of what sort of lies are coming out of his mouth, you do matter to your dad, too. He's just choosing to be stupid and ignore that right now.

You do not get in peoples way, so there's no reason for you to get out of them. And isn't "getting in people's way" the same thing as "being a part of their life?" Let's try rephrasing that.

Kris, from what you've shared, to me you seem like an amazing person, and you actually made me smile at a time when I really needed to.

So you need to stick around, dude. You've got a life to live.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 2nd 2009, 05:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancer View Post
Kris,

you matter to me. A whole freaking lot. And you matter to your girlfriend, and regardless of what sort of lies are coming out of his mouth, you do matter to your dad, too. He's just choosing to be stupid and ignore that right now.

You do not get in peoples way, so there's no reason for you to get out of them. And isn't "getting in people's way" the same thing as "being a part of their life?" Let's try rephrasing that.

Kris, from what you've shared, to me you seem like an amazing person, and you actually made me smile at a time when I really needed to.

So you need to stick around, dude. You've got a life to live.
How so? I'm just a screenname over your computer, a feel good drag for my girl, and I mean absolutely nothing to my dad.

Oh but I do. I don't have a positive effect on anyones life. I just want to get out of everyones life once and for all.

Really I'm not amazing. I'm just nothing
   
  (#26 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 2nd 2009, 06:12 AM

Hey Kris,

you're way more than a screenname. You're a person, with views, a tone of voice, a story, and a life attached to that screenname. You're someone I've talked to, gotten to know at least to the extent of what you've shared here, and someone that I care about. A bunch.

And that statement about "not having a positive effect on anyones life?" False. You've had a positive effect on my life. Directly, and concretely. For example, over the past few days, there were times when I kinda felt like shit and not worth holding off on cutting, and went back and read what you had wrote, the thank-you part, and thought, "well, maybe not." Part of the reason I've made it 43 days is you.

I'd say that positive effect is pretty important.

And definitely way more than nothing.

Hang in there, Kris. I'll be thinking about you <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#27 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 4th 2009, 04:24 PM

Sorry but I'm just done. I hate everything about my life. I'm NOT worth it despite what you say. The past few days have really shown me that. I really really do WANT to die now. I have no desire to keep going through this.
   
  (#28 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 4th 2009, 05:20 PM

Kris,

honey, I'm sorry that things feel so end-of-the-line. It sucks, all that you have to go through. It makes complete sense that you wouldn't want to keep going through it. But you won't have to go through it forever. There are other ways out of what's going on. We'll figure out a way to change your situation. And in the meantime, I'm always here while you're going through it.

So, what's been up the past few days?

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#29 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 4th 2009, 07:12 PM

Just my FUCKING life. Its everything. And no I have exhausted every single thing I've thought of to do to pull through but I can't fucking do it anymore. TRUST me the world is MUCH better off without me

There's a damn good chance tonights the night. I want to die so fucking bad right now. Fuck it man. I'm fucking nothing. I just want this all to fucking stop

Last edited by UnknownLife; July 4th 2009 at 07:36 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
  (#30 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 02:44 AM

Hey Kris,

sorry about the delay in response - I hope your okay <3

Kris, I promise you, you are NOT nothing, and the world is NOT much better off without you. I may just be a screenname over the computer, too, but my world was way better with your screenname in it. Trust me.

Even if you've done every single thing you can think of, it's probable that you haven't done every single thing someone else has. Wanna PM me a list? I'll see if I can add a few more ideas on how to get through right now to it.

Hang in there, Kris. I'll be thinking of you.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#31 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 05:15 AM

Well I'm still here unfortunetly. But that night was pretty bad. Did alot of things to myself that I haven't done in years. If ever I have failed its now. I don't want to get let down again trying something new. I just want it to stop

And stupid little things keep happening and its making everything that much worse. Like tonight, I was driving home and my tire blew out. Then I couldn't find my wheel lock. So now my car is going to get towed because of where its parked. I'm going to have to pay for the tow $200, impound fee, $1000 for 2 new tires. Guess how much money I have left??? Less than 2 fucking dollars on a credit card to boot.

God just shit like this makes it impossible for me to EVER get back on my feet
   
  (#32 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 05:20 AM

Hey Kris,

I'm glad you're still here. Really, really glad. I'm sorry that you had a tough night, though. When things hurt hat much, you deserve to be good to yourself, not just make things rougher.

Stupid little things can really suck. But eventually, they do get dealt with and go away. Are there any relatives or someone like that you could ask for money from, to help you deal with this?

Hang in there. We'll getcha back on those feet eventually.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#33 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 05:27 AM

I don't deserve anything good. And apparently someone doesn't think I do either.

No. The only people I am close to which is my girl and her parents are just as broke as me. They're doing all they can for me right now as it is. They give me food to eat and a place to stay. I could never ask for more knowing they're situation.

Eventually won't come soon enough I think. I don't want to wait that long
   
  (#34 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 05:34 AM

1. You deserve good. A LOT of good.
2. Bad things happen to good people. Doesn't mean the good people deserve the bad things, or don't deserve the good. It just means that life is really annoyingly unfair sometimes.

But we don't know how long "eventually" is. "Eventually" could be a year - but then it could also be a month, a week, even a day. And the time that comes after "eventually" is way worth the wait.

Hmm... any sort of loan possibilities? Or selling old books on ebay (random suggestion, I know)? Just trying to think of creative but potentially possible solutions...

Because there is a solution.

To everything.

And I'm not giving up till we find it.

So hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#35 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 05:44 AM

Why would a failure deserve good? Because thats all I am in every aspect of life and in every other person's eyes.

But I don't want to wait anymore. I've been waiting for so long and it has never come. I just give up on that hope that I'll reach the end

Well ever since I lost my job. My credit has gone to shit. Every revolving credit account I have right now is maxed and late. My credit is already ruined for years. I don't own anything of value at all. I sold it all to help my girl out when she was going through a rough financial time

Really there just isn't a solution to some things and my life is one of them.
   
  (#36 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 05:58 AM

You're not a failure, Kris. And even people who actually are "failures" are still people. And people deserve good.

You're not a failure in any aspect, Kris, and you shouldn't believe anyone who says that you are. Your words succeeded in helping me take care of myself quite a few times, Kris. That's a pretty big success, at least in my eyes.

"Never leave off hopin'. It don't answer."

One of my favorite quotes.

So, I know this is sort of non-conventional, but some recycling centers give money for cans and stuff brought in. Any chance you could check into whether one near you does that? And hang on, I'll try to find more possibilities... ideas pending...

There is a solution, Kris. And for right now, one that typically works well to at least get people by is "keep breathing."

Take a deep breath, Kris. It'll be okay.

Hang in there <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#37 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 06:03 AM

Ok maybe not in EVERY aspect. But in most.

But if you leave off hopin, there's no more pain. Sounds perfect to me

I already know there isn't. My grand parents used to do that and the city stopped paying for it.

But what if it hurts to breath? Every breath feels like another stab to the heart.
   
  (#38 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 7th 2009, 06:13 AM

Most? Probably not. Sometimes we tend to blow our own faults out of proportion. Because they're ours. So of course they're glaring.

Please note the sarcasm.

If you leave off hopin', there's also no more pleasure, in whatever form, that would've beaten out the pain, too. And there's the pain of those left behind, the pain of wishing you were there to celebrate a birthday or ring in the new year or just see the really awesome blue sky one day.

Hmm... we will figure out something. And your life is worth way more than any financial problem, anyway.

Then hug a pillow to your chest. Helps soften the blows in the air, and is a rather physical reminder that there are still warm-and-fuzzy's (okay, warm-and-fluffy's, whatever) in life.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#39 (permalink)) Old
UnknownLife Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
UnknownLife's Avatar
 
Name: Kris
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Posts: 96
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 8th 2009, 08:43 PM

No really. If you only knew you would think so too. I really am a failure.

No one would experience that pain. No one gives a shit enough to think that

I don't think so. At this point you're probably thinking I'm bulshitting all of this but really I'm not. I found out yesterday a good friend of mine died along with his brother while they were on vacation. I can't do this anymore. That was a final blow to me. I can't hold onto anything anymore
   
  (#40 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Just can't hold on anymore - July 8th 2009, 10:32 PM

Kris, honey, I know that right now you really are dealing with a lot of shit that you shouldn't have to, that you're not just bullshitting, and I know how much things hurt.

But please don't let someone else's death be the final blow to your life. I still want you to be here, in case I ever decide to randomly PM you and be like "hey, there's a really awesome blue sky or something."

But really, making mistakes doesn't make you a failure. People make mistakes. A lot. Often the same ones.

Whatever. Welcome to the human race.

You're more than any faults you may have. But to me, they don't seem so glaring. I wish I could show you how much faith you could really place in yourself.

Hang in there <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
anymore, hold

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.