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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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sweetve19 Offline
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hellogoodbye - June 30th 2009, 05:57 AM

ive been trying to stay calm to long. finally i cant take it anymore. my feelings are eating at me and im slowly suffocating in myself. i havnt cut in a few weeks. but its like im dieing to get out of my skin. i cry randomly just for the sake of being able to let out what i can. and most of the times i got to bed crying because it makes it easier to sleep then sitting up waiting for something to happen. i get dizzy, i get headaches, and i get sleepy. one moment everythings moving to fast, next moment its not moving fast enough.

i dont know where my life is headed because i dont want it to head anywhere. since i was 11 ive wanted to end my life after highschool. whether or not that'll happen i find it to much to bear anymore. i just wish i wasnt born if all i was born for was to take up space on earth.

im sick and fking tired of being used and i dont want to be taken care of. i want everyone to leave me alone but apparently thats not going to happen anytime soon.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - June 30th 2009, 06:06 AM

Hey,

Have you ever talked to anybody about these feelings? I think that talking to a proffesional would be a very good move at this point in time. It sounds like it's been really tough on you for a quite a few years now, I understand that these feelings aren't easy. I've been down that road. But you aren't here just to take up space, you have a purpose on this earth, you have to believe that. Everybody has a purpose! You just need to hang in there!

Do you know why you feel this way? What triggered it?
I'm glad you haven't self-harmed in a couple of weeks that is really good, keep that up!

I really do think you should talk to a proffesional though. If not talk to somebody, family member, friend, another trusted adult, somebody. Call a suicide hotline if you have too! Suicide isn't the answer to your problem. People probably aren't leaving you alone because they care about you! Let people care. It's nice to have people we can fall back on! =D


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - June 30th 2009, 06:12 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry that things are feeling so ick right now. It's great that you haven't cut in a while. Crying can definitely help let things out, but I agree that after a while it's not so nice. Have you tried anything else, like writing or drawing or even stamping or screaming, as an emotional release? When you're working really hard to keep things from falling apart, you need some way to not feel so constantly at interior attention.

You were born for way more than just taking up space on earth. I promise. And you get to decide part of why you're here, too - dreams, what you want to accomplish, who you want to be and how you want to be that person, that's all important. You are important.

Do you have anyone like a counselor to talk to about this? Sometimes having a designated person to talk to can help other people not be so overwhelming.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - June 30th 2009, 06:19 AM

i have talked to people about it. even my own family. but last time i said anything it was because i "wanted attetion". my freinds know i am completley on edge but do nothing. which isnt their fault ofcourse, because past years ive already gone through with untrustworthy freinds and i think ive made anyother freinds scared to speak up..
an yes it has been an ongoing thing since i was little. there are many things that could have probally triggered it.
*past family has had depression, which i recently have found out of. My parents have always fought really bad. and its just the way i am that makes me an easy target for insluts, because i absorb them like a sponge. people know i wont say anything because im more concerned for everyone else then i am for myself. . actaully its mostly my family that i get the insults from, the people that are suppose to be the closest to me.

i really dont want to seek a doctor. because im scared to get better. i like the way the feelings are so intense. i took a depression pill from my mom once, and yes i was happy but it was a fake happy. i dont want to counsle my problems because talking only works so long with me. i talk then i bring up things that have hurt me. then i go home and sit alone and find reasons to hate myself.

i have done all thoughs alternatives actually ha. the stomping and sccreaming stopped helping me when it became dangerous. i acutally would use so my engery and force that id shake and get dizzy and almost faint. i dont have a counsler because past counslers have told me i was fine and there was nothing to worry about. ( i get nervous and freak and end up lieing in one on one convos)

Last edited by sweetve19; June 30th 2009 at 06:23 AM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - June 30th 2009, 03:18 PM

I'm sorry that your friends aren't being more understanding. But asking for help isn't asking for attention - it's just asking for help.

We don't really have any control over things like parents' fighting, but I've found that we can still find ways to try to "ignore" it until it blows over - like finding ways to not have to listen to it, like by going for a walk or blasting music or something like that.

I kinda understand how you feel - there were times where I've liked feeling horrid, because that amount of hurting felt way more valid than any relief. But happiness is valid, too. You just have to find what will feel like the "right happiness" for you - sometimes that's properly prescribed medicine, finding a counselor who will be able to understand all aspects of how you feel talking to someone, or just smaller, everyday methods of coping that we learn to get us through the normal wear of life.

Instead of using your energy finding reasons to hate yourself, try to find reasons why you should be proud of who you are and how you're trying to help yourself.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - June 30th 2009, 06:59 PM

Asking for help doesn't mean you want attention and I'm sorry that your friends and family felt that way. It's happened to me before but I just keep reaching out until somebody finally notices that I'm being serious and that this is a serious matter. Could you do that?

If depression runs in your family then it's possible that you have a chemical imbalance and would need to seek a doctor. I understand that getting better can be scary but it's a lot better than sitting in a hole and being depressed your whole life. I understand how you feel about the 'fake' happy but it's not really a 'fake' happy because it only works if it's a chemical imbalance which would mean that it would just make more of the chemicals you need to acheive the real happinesst hat you deserve.

i'm sorry that your family insults you and hurts you. that's not fun, it's been the same with me. you can't asorb what they say. because what they are saying is not true, they just want to hurt somebody because of something that is going on with them. how about whenever they speak something negative or you think something negative why not speak something positive over yourself, i know it sound corny but it works. because how you think is how you feel, i've found out over the years. if you think/speak negativly then you are going to be a negative person but if you speak/think positivly then things will start to change and you'll become more positive. Words are powerful!

Are there any other alternatvies that you could try?
Somethng that wouldn't cause you any kind of harm?
What do you enjoy doing?
Do that. [ =

Hold On!


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - July 1st 2009, 05:09 AM

thanks. to both of you. i do kinda want help but i still think i have alot of mental preparing to do before i could ever confront my mom or dad. i have been doing alot of sports. and i think that mybe being busy is whats taking so much enegery outta me.

im not sure yet. i guess im just trying to find out who i am.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - July 1st 2009, 05:19 AM

Hey there,

anytime

It's awesome that you kind of want help. I understand the mental preparation! A while back it took me weeks before I finally asked my mom if I could see a counselor. Mostly, just take a deep breath, maybe try writing down what you'd want to say, if there's a friend or something who knows what's going on, maybe ask them to come with you when you talk to your parents, and just know that despite all the scariness, things will be okay.

Being busy can definitely take a lot out of you! There've been days where I've just collapsed from being in "activity overload" Remember to take some time for yourself

Finding out who you are is a process, so don't worry if there's not a sudden epiphany or anything like that. And you get to have fun in figuring out - in deciding - who you are. Your likes and dislikes, what you believe, what you hope to do, what you're afraid of, your mannerisms, your viewpoints, stuff like that to me are all a part of who someone is. And people aren't static - who we are changes as we grow. So basically never get discouraged with that - you are you, and for the most part you get to decide who that is.

Hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - July 2nd 2009, 01:52 AM

Hey there,

I am so glad to here that you want to get some help; that's always a great thing and it takes a lot of strenght and courage. I think that you should be proud of yourself.

Telling someone about your problems does take some type of mental preparation. Do you think writing down what you want to tell your parents would help? It could be a good way to get your thoughts organized and if you get nervous while talking to them you could go back to that paper and read from it. I know sometimes I write down my thoughts and it helps me. You could give it a try.

You mentioned that the alternatives don't really work and I completely understand that because in reality it takes a while for your body to get used to them and start recognizing them as coping skills as well. I encourage you to continue using the alternatives even if you end up cutting anyways because over time your body might end up recognizing the alternatives and turning to them instead of the cutting.

Please hang in there and I hope things turn out okay.

If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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Re: hellogoodbye - July 2nd 2009, 05:00 AM

thanks again. and yea i think i might have a certain friend help me tell my mom. but im not sure yet. i hate it now because me and my mom are getting closer and shes happy about it .. and i always let her down like this.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - July 2nd 2009, 05:09 AM

Hey there,

you're not letting her down in anyway. In fact, you're showing a really admirable amount of responsibility and maturity in talking to her and asking for help that she should be really proud of. And showing that you do trust her enough to talk to her about stuff like this might only bring you two closer.

Hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - July 4th 2009, 03:53 AM

thankkss ill try ig. butt things.. keep bumping up.
   
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Re: hellogoodbye - July 4th 2009, 04:35 AM

Anytime

Well, we're always here to help smooth out life's kinks - and your mom'll be there, too.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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