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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
I'm Not Who You Think I Am
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Name: Steph
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Fleet =]

Posts: 286
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Join Date: January 9th 2009

is desperate.. losing this battle.. - June 30th 2009, 09:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have only recently got outta a psych ward which I was in for 3 months.
Which is great. Only after 2 1/2 months I lied my way out.. I still feel like I did before I went in.
Im desperate.
I feel so low.
Im trying not to cut but its running through my mind constantly.
It hurts to breathe. Hurts to remember all the things that have happened to me..
It hurts to wake up everyday and know I'm still here.. alive.
&& now Ive gotta leave home because my parents cant cope with me.
Which hurts. Im not wanted at home.
Im not wanted anywhere.
Im fat && ugly.
I have no reason to stay around.
Im scared to live any longer..
Every day my life gets worse.
Ive been waiting for years && years for my life to get better..
But it hasnt.
I have nothing. && no-one who cares anymore.

[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
  Send a message via MSN to xxCookiiexMonsterxx  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
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Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
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Re: is desperate.. losing this battle.. - July 1st 2009, 04:12 AM

Hey Steph,

take a deep breath, honey. I'm so sorry that things are hurting so much right now - but you are not ugly, and you ARE wanted. I promise. You are valuable, important, you matter, you are worth so much, even if you can't see that yourself. And you are cared about. Those here at TH care about you. I (even if I am a random person and whatnot) care about what happens to you.

So you have us.

So, let's try to figure out a way to maybe help ya get "real" better this time. I know that opening up to people like counselors to tell them what's really going on can be frightening, but you deserve to get better, and in order for them to help you get there you have to let them know how you're really doing. Is there any way you could talk to a counselor, or even someone like a cousin or aunt or friend or friend's parent?

Please take care of yourself, hun. I'll be thinking about ya.

Hang in there.

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Darrenboy! Offline
my long tongue is long.
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Age: 41
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Re: is desperate.. losing this battle.. - July 2nd 2009, 05:21 PM

hey steph.

i understand that you're going through a lot right now, and it does not by any way, feel pleasant.

but remember, you are NOT fat and ugly. heck, anyone or anyone who made you feel that way oughta take a good look at themselves first because you definitely surpass them at being a person. you're wonderful, steph. and never forget that.

repeat: you ARE wonderful . point taken?

you need to tell someone about this. remember that there's always good, trustable people around who will listen to your problems and help solve it.

just remember that there's always us, too.

we care. and we love. deeply

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Prozac Offline
I can't get enough
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Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: is desperate.. losing this battle.. - July 2nd 2009, 08:40 PM

Hey there Steph (nice name by the way ),

You seem to be struggling at the moment - you have been through a lot these past months and I’m sorry that you still don’t feel any better. That must be very hard for you, but the main thing is that you’re still here, Steph, and you should be so proud of yourself for that. You have got through so much and you’re still holding onto hope and you’re talking to us here- that’s really courageous of you.

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so negative about yourself Steph, but you need to remember that these thoughts and feelings are not your fault and therefore you should not blame yourself for anything. I do believe that you have a reason to stay around, everyone has a purpose, you just may not have found it yet. I’m sure that there are plenty of reasons to stay around, even if you can’t think of any yet, maybe you just haven’t yet realised them.

You don’t have ‘nothing’ Steph, you have support. People do care. When you’re in such an awful mood it’s difficult to try and see past negative things and see the positive things behind them. I strongly believe that there is always someone who cares. We all care, otherwise we wouldn’t have read or responded to your post. I’m sure that there are people face-to-face who care too. I know it may be difficult to hear and you may not want to hear it, but you were put on a psychiatric ward because people care about you. Psychiatric wards are there to help people, not to hinder you. I’m sorry that you felt as though you had to lie in order to get out of the ward. Have you considered perhaps returning to the ward? It’s hard, but it would keep you safe.

I would really like you to try and tell someone how you’re feeling right now, Steph. I feel as though telling someone how you’re feeling would be best for you right now and it may be a step forward to getting the help that you need right now.

Take care.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

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Re: is desperate.. losing this battle.. - July 2nd 2009, 09:49 PM

Hey Steph,

I am sorry you are feeling so very low at the moment but you can make it through this and please don't believe that you are worthless. I am one of those people that believes that all people have a purpose. Also, I care about you and I know I don't know you but that counts for a little something doesn't it?

Steph, sometimes when we are feeling really low our minds start making us believe all these things about ourselves that really are not true so the next time a thought like 'I am worthless' or 'I am ugly' comes into your head try to push it aside. Don't let the depression beat you because you are in control not it.

I know how hard it can be to talk to others about our feelings but do you think that you could try? A therapist might be able to help you out quite a bit. They are usually reallly understanding and they usually really want to help us out. And, sometimes talking about what is bothering us can be extremely helpful.

Also, do you know what is causing you to feel this way? If so maybe you can write it down. Writing it down is another great way to deal positively with the bad feelings rolling around inside us.

Hang in there and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

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