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Online sex regrets - July 1st 2009, 08:46 PM

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I feel so stupid for posting since people here probably have more severe problems. I think I am disgusting. I used to have "cybersex" with random people on chatrooms. I am a 17 year old male. Some threatened me, others it was an addiction....I could only imagine the creeps they were. I feel like an absolute moron, because it really is my fault. I destroyed my childhood. It first happened when I was 14. I haven't in a long time, but it haunts me.
this is from my thread in the rape and abuse forum.

I am wondering how you guys think I should move on. I feel very depressed about it. I actually started cutting myself a few months ago. I feel dirty and soiled. I am also wondering if I should forgive myself. Also how could I ever have a relationship when I have this on my shoulders. Should I forgive myself....?

Help me...should I tell my parents? I'm so corrupted and they don't know. I want to move on, but I feel so guilty.

edit* and what if someone who i did this with feels as guilty as me? i dont believe in god for whatever reason, but i dont want this all on my soul.

Can anyone help me? I'm afraid that I might be suicidal. Maybe I should be though. I feel that I died already.

Last edited by And123; July 1st 2009 at 10:00 PM.
   
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Re: Online sex regrets - July 2nd 2009, 12:43 AM

Hey,

I am sorry that you are struggling with this but please try to forgive yourself. Living in the past is not a good thing because in the end you cannot change the things you did all you can do is learn from the mistakes and what not.

I don't know how you can forgive yourself because in the end that is something you have to do on your own but plese try too. One thing you could consider is talking to someone about this; maybe a therapist? I know talking about it might be hard but in the end a therapist might be able to help you forgive yourself.

As for telling your parents maybe it would be a good idea; do you think they would be understanding? If you told your parents they might be able to get you in with a counselor or they might be willing to talk to you about it and they might help you to start forgiving yourself.

Cutting is never an answer to anything because it never solves the problems. Cutting just buries the problems away for another day. You need to face your problems head on. Do you think you could try the alternatives listed in the self harm forum? They might help you with you cutting.

Please do not think that you should die because every life is worth living. You made some mistakes but that is okay because you can learn from those mistakes.

Stay safe and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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Re: Online sex regrets - July 2nd 2009, 03:48 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. But YES, you should forgive yourself. People sometimes make not-the-best choices when they're younger, or get sucked into not making them by outside influences - but the point is that you've grown, you're able to indicate that as something you don't want to do anymore. That's the important part. You should be proud of yourself for the progress you've made in maturing.

In fact, you'd probably have a better sense of how to properly respect another person and yourself now in any relationship that you have. So don't be afraid of what's actually real with someone.

As for what another person might now be feeling... you're not responsible for their actions. They did what they did and they feel what they feel and that doesn't have anything to do with you. They'll find their own way to work through it, and you just need to focus on finding yours.

I think that telling your parents might be a good idea. They can help you how to further figure out how to move past this. Parents can often be surprisingly understanding and helpful rather than "fire and brimstone" about this sort of stuff, and they should respect that you're asking for their help. That's really admirable.

And please take care of yourself. Cutting in the end doesn't solve anything and just adds more problems to be dealt with. You deserve to be good to yourself, and to work towards being a completely whole person.

Hang in there. You can do it.


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Re: Online sex regrets - July 2nd 2009, 05:33 AM

Hi. Thanks for the support. I told my parents. They are understanding and I feel much better. In the near future I hope to get a therapist. Thank you very much.
   
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Re: Online sex regrets - July 2nd 2009, 05:38 AM

Hey,

that's awesome!!! I'm so glad that things are working out for you


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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Online sex regrets - July 2nd 2009, 01:44 PM

I'm obviously not completely better, but maybe in the future. I've honestly felt like my soul has been killed since I was first taken advantage of when I was 14.
   
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Re: Online sex regrets - July 3rd 2009, 05:59 AM

Don't worry, people typically don't magically get all the way better when they start finding a way to cope with stuff like this. But you can get at least a little better - and a that'll end up adding up to a whole lot.

You're still here. And it seems like, whatever regrets you may have, you're a pretty good person. And I think the soul of that pretty good person can be shaken off and set to attention again. You can do it. There's a line in a song that says "though hope is frail, it's hard to kill."

Keep hanging on to hope.

You can do it We believe in you.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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