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purpleangel18 July 4th 2009 04:02 AM

my life......unfortunately
I have been depressed for a while now well since i was in 6th grade, I've only just graduated high school. I tried very hard to keep my feelings locked away and in the back of my head, but i don't think i can anymore but i have nobody in this world that i feel can understand what i'm going through and it just gets very lonely. I feel as if i'm the cause to all the problems and pains in my family. I believe truly and deeply that if i weren't around or was never born things for my family would be so much better. I cause them to spend money that they don't have just because i want something. My family is not the poorest but with only one parent working and trying to support a family of 8 makes life hard. It kills me to see my dad working so hard for nothing, i want to do something about it but i can't. It's been like this for years and years, and after years of dealing with this seeing them struggle kills me. This stress leads to my family being distant towards each other and we yell and scream every time we are around each other. It's so hard to love them right now and i hate myself for feeling this way. I wish i weren't such a sensitive person. My dad is thinking about kicking me out of the house because i want to go camping with some of my friends. i understand where he is coming from with his reasoning but it's my choice and i feel strongly about my choice. He has so little love for me that he is willing to just kick me out in the street with no money or any place to go. I'm just a pain to everyone in my family and i feel guilty, lazy, irresponsible, stupid and not worthy of life anymore. i am so sad and almost gone, i just wish someone could see this and help me. Nobody can because nobody cares. i just wish there was someone that i could talk to that would understand me.

dancer July 4th 2009 04:26 AM

Re: my life......unfortunately
Hey there,

I'm sorry about that things are rough. But you seem like a really caring, thoughtful person - and none of your family's troubles are your fault. You're the kid, not the parent; adults know the consequences of their own actions, which we as their kids don't in any way force them to make. I promise, you're not guilty, lazy, irresponsible, stupid, or worthless. In fact, you're probably one of the best parts of your family, even if they're not telling you that.

And you deserve to have someone to talk to. You don't have to carry around everything that's bothering you and never tell anyone - I did that for seventeen years, too, and it didn't get me or my family's issues anywhere. Is there a counselor, or friend, or friend's parent or other relative you could talk to? And would it help at all to approach your dad and let him know that you want to help - or write him a note, so that you won't have to worry about actually talking to him?

And anytime you want to talk about anything, we're here. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Hang in there.

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