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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Saria Offline
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Post I am over it, I am giving up - July 5th 2009, 10:36 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't do this anymore... I just can't, my life is falling apart... It takes too much effort to do anything... It isn't worth it I just want to give up

Everything is so hard at the moment. I always feel so so so upset and depressed and there is no way out. No matter how hard I try I can't help how I feel.

Since I moved about seven months ago I have been having bad nightmares every night. The thing is they're not real nightmares, they are real memories from my childhood and it is starting to drive me crazy. I always have these bad memories and I wake up and freak out and just want to be dead. I feel as though there is this huge hole is my chest that is tearing me apart, and I have to wrap my arms around myself and hold myself together. Other times I wake up and I will be shaking and can't stop.

A couple of months ago my Mum attempted suicide and since then my life has started falling apart and there is nothing left. My school found out about my mum because they has been concerned about me before and reported it to child services and then I was meant to be interveiwed but I never was.

After my Mum attempted suicide she thought there was something bothering me but I denied it so she just read my diary and read things she didn't want too.

She read about me being sexually abused by my older brother and showed her counsellor who then reported it and then I was supposed to have a interveiw with the police but then they never came either.

Everything is just too much now and everything upsets me. I always have flashbacks to my childhood now and it makes me so terrified that I still live with my family. I don't feel loved by my family at all and they never support me. I want to live with another family because I don't feel safe with mine anymore but no one understands and it is just too much so now I just want to take my life. It seems the only way out.

I have thought about suicide so much recently and I am really confused. It just seems to be the only solution and I have even thought about how and when now and it just too much to handle.

I just want to give up but I no I can't... why is it soo wrong for me to feel the way I do?
   
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Re: I am over it, I am giving up - July 5th 2009, 11:07 AM

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a hard struggle at the moment.
Sexual abuse is not your fault. Flashbacks are hard to deal with, they are caused by mental distress, and obviously you have a lot of mental stress at the moment. But they do get better with time.

I really wish you would consider going and talking to someone, a counsellor or a therapist. I know it is hard but it can be really helpful and they are usually really understanding and won't push you into talking about it, if it is too painful. They will probably let you start out slow, start to build trust, and go from there. Please consider it?
If you are seriously thinking of suicide, then can you go to a safe place? A relative...or even the hospital. Please don't hurt yourself because things can get better for you. Just give it time. If things really feel end-of-the-line, please get to a hospital or call a helpline or something - they're good at finding other solutions to getting out of things besides suicide.

Please hang in there and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower... hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour...


   
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Re: I am over it, I am giving up - July 5th 2009, 11:12 AM

I am actually seeing a counsellor but it isn't really helping because my Mum forced me too and I don't feel comfortable talking about anything to anyone. It is just so hard and everything is too much. I just feel like everything has come to an end already and there is nothing left for me to do.
   
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Wink Re: I am over it, I am giving up - July 5th 2009, 11:19 AM

It is not wrong in any way to feel the way that you are feeling. I may not know exactly what it feels like to be in your position. But, I have had some similar cases in which I felt my life wasnt worth living. I know you are struggling now and I know you feel like ending your life is the only way. But I can assure you, that if you focus and put all of your attention on this, you will get past this. You can do it! If you are unhappy the way you are living and you are unhappy with your family, I think you should contact counciling agencies, and maybe even child services. You may make something of your life in the future. What has always been your dream? Make it come true. You always have to think to your self "Is my life really worth risking?" This is your one and only life. You only live once. I think your life is worth living. You can conquer any obstacles in your way. Think about your friends and the people who love you. And if ever you think about ending your life, PLEASE just think about this message and all that I have said. Remember, "Your life is worth living!" Never give up.
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Re: I am over it, I am giving up - July 5th 2009, 11:30 AM

I know it can be very hard to talk to people that you don’t feel comfortable with. It takes time to build up trust and stepping outside of your comfort zone, it can be scary to talk to people about your problems but it's a huge burden off your chest afterwards.

You are only feeling like this at the moment because you are going through a hard time but with time things will change. Please don't give up. There are so many things you haven't experienced yet. Life will get better, but first, you have to believe that.


Just remember if you really need to talk with someone there are many of us on here who are more then willing to listen to you.


Helplink Mentor

To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower... hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour...


   
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Re: I am over it, I am giving up - July 5th 2009, 11:36 AM

I really do want to talk to people now because it has got to the point where I need help and I know that but the thing is once I try to talk to someone I just freak out and avoid the subject and it seems as though I can't control what I'm doing.

Everyone says that things will get better but I have been through heaps of other things as well through my childhood and it seems to holding me back now and it seems as though I will never get through any of this
   
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