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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
InnerDarkness Offline
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Name: Ethan
Age: 27
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Join Date: February 18th 2009

Just want it to end - July 6th 2009, 01:35 AM

I don't know... I just can't keep it up anymore. I used to be strong but reality has beaten me down. I'm always alone. My family ignores me, my friends have all gone and I have no luck with girls.

I've tried so hard over the last year to change my life. I've told myself that people who feel like I do now have the ability to change their life and make it better, all it takes is effort.

But that's not true. I've tried to make friends but no one wants to know me. People are nice to me but I feel more like they tolerate me than they want me around. Each time I try, people are nice and say they want to hang out, then they never call and they never answer my calls.

Same with girls. I've met one or two girls I like, but it is always unreturned and I either have to back off or they just avoid me. I just want someone to talk to - to confide in. I have no one.

Why does everyone else in the world have friends and no one wants to know me? What is it about me that makes me so different - something about me just isn't right.

I've tried countless times to change my life... joined clubs, tried to meet people with the same interests, tried to make friends at work... failure after failure. But each time I told myself that next time it will be different. That if I just kept strong and kept putting the effort in, that eventually things would get better.

I've been trying for so long and I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of living. I want to live a life with friends and a great girlfriend and being social - a life that I just can't get, no matter how hard I try.

I feel so alone. I'm not getting much sleep because I just feel too sad to sleep... if that makes any sense. I'm not enjoying the sleep I do get and I don't feel recovered when I wake up. I feel like a machine at work. I just plough through mindlessly just to earn enough money to keep alive.

Over the last few weeks especially, I have kept thinking that there is no point to life and the longer I stay alive the stronger this thought becomes. I've tried every solution and have even enjoyed my solitude in the past. But I don't want to enjoy being alone, that's not the life I want.

I'm not far from suicide recently. I'm not suicidal but I do feel like it is only a matter of time before I do something stupid. I'm starting to lose hope - where that hope used to be is only emptiness. I thought I was a strong person, but life has just beaten me into the ground time after time. I've had no reward for the amount of time and effort I've put in to trying to make things better and now I don't have the heart to keep trying, there's no point in living. I don't want to continue like this. It hurts me inside to say this, but I guess to summerise: please, help...


We are taught never to shed tears, for to shed tears means that you have been defeated by emotion and that simple act of crying proves, without question, that negative emotions are nothing but a burden.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
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Re: Just want it to end - July 6th 2009, 09:23 PM

Hi Ethan, well done for posting how you feel. I will try and give some good advice.

I don't know... I just can't keep it up anymore. I used to be strong but reality has beaten me down. I'm always alone. My family ignores me, my friends have all gone and I have no luck with girls.

Reality is what you make. You create your own reality, you were strong, wou can still be strong. Just believe it. Just because you feel alone & just because you think family and friends and girls you have no luck with...well...that could all change...because you can define your future. Your future doesnt define you.

I've tried so hard over the last year to change my life. I've told myself that people who feel like I do now have the ability to change their life and make it better, all it takes is effort.

Thats a very positive step, one that you should be proud of. You are absoluetly correct, people who feel like you do, do have the ability to change thier life and make is better. Once again, its takes effort and strenght, but it is do-able.

But that's not true. I've tried to make friends but no one wants to know me. People are nice to me but I feel more like they tolerate me than they want me around. Each time I try, people are nice and say they want to hang out, then they never call and they never answer my calls.

It may not feel true., The fact that youve tried to make friends, says you are trying. Which is brilliant. The people that are nice to you, maybe are being genuine, but because of the negative thoughts you feel they are tolerating you rather than being your friend. Maybe they never answer your calls because they maybe dont understand that you want to be friends with them

Same with girls. I've met one or two girls I like, but it is always unreturned and I either have to back off or they just avoid me. I just want someone to talk to - to confide in. I have no one.

Ethan, your 16, you have all your life to find the right girl. The fact that you have met one or two, then you have already experianced bad times with them. Thats a message, a sign telling you to wait for the right woman, be it in 1 year or 10 years.
I wouldnt panic though. You will meet someone

Why does everyone else in the world have friends and no one wants to know me? What is it about me that makes me so different - something about me just isn't right.

I dont have any friends. My friends are basically from hospital or computer. I think your a great guy.I think you may have some confident issues, and thats what is making you uyou fell different. You can always get help from counsellor or therapist to help with your confidence.

I've tried countless times to change my life... joined clubs, tried to meet people with the same interests, tried to make friends at work... failure after failure. But each time I told myself that next time it will be different. That if I just kept strong and kept putting the effort in, that eventually things would get better.

Thats brilliant, really, you should be so proud. One day things will be ok. All these failures, after each one you get stronger, until eventually the word is on your shoulder.
Just keep trying, dont fight it. Things will get better, especially since you have such a great attitude...which I find fantastic.

I've been trying for so long and I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of living. I want to live a life with friends and a great girlfriend and being social - a life that I just can't get, no matter how hard I try.

You have so much to live for, you just cant see it yet. Like i said beforem your 16...you have at least another 24 years till your classed as a grandad So dont worry if you can find friends or girls straight away, because you will one day....soon.

I have to admit, I was in the same situation as you, no friends, no boyfriends etc...but I got better and so will you.

I feel so alone. I'm not getting much sleep because I just feel too sad to sleep... if that makes any sense. I'm not enjoying the sleep I do get and I don't feel recovered when I wake up. I feel like a machine at work. I just plough through mindlessly just to earn enough money to keep alive.

Yes, I can understand what you are saying. I sleep but I get no satisfaction. When I wake up I just feel tired. I dont work, so I dont really know how to help you, but you said your mindlessly ploughing through work. If you dont enjoy thaht job...why not try somethings else?

Over the last few weeks especially, I have kept thinking that there is no point to life and the longer I stay alive the stronger this thought becomes. I've tried every solution and have even enjoyed my solitude in the past. But I don't want to enjoy being alone, that's not the life I want.

There is a point to life. I dont know what that point is, but its there, for you, for me & for everyone. Have you tried therapy or medication? Because that my be helpful for you.

I'm not far from suicide recently. I'm not suicidal but I do feel like it is only a matter of time before I do something stupid. I'm starting to lose hope - where that hope used to be is only emptiness. I thought I was a strong person, but life has just beaten me into the ground time after time. I've had no reward for the amount of time and effort I've put in to trying to make things better and now I don't have the heart to keep trying, there's no point in living. I don't want to continue like this. It hurts me inside to say this, but I guess to summerise: please, help...

Suicida is not the answer, I promise you. Do you want to be another stastic or do you want therapy to become a confident young man who will enjoy life? You are definatly a strong person, you asked for help...thats something brilliant. Your reward is undiscovered by you, by I can tell you, your rewards have been all the times you have tried and not given in.

I think that you deserve a bit of a rest, if you really feel suicidal then go to local hospital...or a safe place...like a relatives house....anyway, I hope you get better soon

Keep your chin up

Jamie
xx


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
ATR_rules Offline
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Re: Just want it to end - July 6th 2009, 09:27 PM

Hey, I know how you feel. I used to feel like a loser in high school and i only went out once or twice a semester with people. i was so bad with girls that i gave up on them. most weekends, i just sat in my room asking myself how come i am not out with people and having fun. instead, i became depressed and i did alot of things alone.

Once i started college, i decided to change so i went out and met people by not thinking about my past mistakes and instead i asked them alot of questions about themselves and soon we found some common interests. i found it easier to make friends in college than in high school cuz in college, nobody cares how popular you are and they never judge. Now, people are calling me where the party is at or want to hang out with me. and the truth is, i dun even know how this changed all of a sudden.

I didn force them to like me nor did i thought myself as a sociable guy. i just stayed the same me. what i did differently was that i had an opposite perspective about life. you might be having a shitty life, but u can change it if you are willing to change yourself.

the thing is, if you want to be more social, find interests in the other person and always put a big smile on your face. people will always find that attractive and they always want to talk about themselves.
   
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