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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Saria Offline
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Post Another night of pain - July 7th 2009, 09:48 PM

No sleep last night again. Only shaking and crying so much I could hardly breathe. What did I do to deserve this? Why won't the pain just go away? It is too much to handle. There is no point living if it means constantly being in pain.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 05:54 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry that you've been having to deal with these things, it's not fun being in emotional pain all of the time. But that doesn't mean it's pointless to live. Life is a gift, it really is. It's worth sticking through bad.

Do you know why you are feeling so depressed to the point where you can't sleep and only lay awake crying at night? Identifying the problem is the first step. Then you have to work through the problem, which is a lot easier to do with somebody. So I think that you really should talk to a trusted adult; family, teacher, coach, pastor, family friend, etc.

Don't do anything that you will later regret. You're 13, you're young you have you're whole life ahead of you, don't give that up because you're going through a rough spot in your life, it's not worth it.

PM me anytime.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 07:50 PM

hey hugs
i know the feeling of pain. unfortunately we have to live through it, fight through it even if it means that we have to hurt more than we already are. that is the point of life, living! i agree with jesusfreak, life is a gift because we only get the chance to live once. make the best of life

again agreeing with jesusfreak, you need to figure out what is making you hurt, what is causing all of this. get to the bottom of it the slowly fight or work your way up and through it. fix or patch things as you go

no one deserves to live in pain, but it is your choice to do something about it to make the pain go away--talk to someone, journal about it, vent some healthy way.
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When it's over, and the heart break
And the cracks begin to show

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 08:10 PM

Hi Saria,

I'm sorry to hear things are so hard for you right now. Not getting enough sleep - for any reason - is hard enough and makes anything else going on seem that bit harder to handle, and when it's those other things going on that are stopping us sleeping, it can seem like it's all a cycle and there's nothing to be done. But you're reaching out for help, which is a really good step in working through everything that's happening for you right now.

Would you consider talking to someone about how you're feeling and what's been happening? Maybe someone like a teacher or counsellor? A counsellor especially will listen to you without judging you, and will help you to work through your feelings and to find strategies for getting through the days until things seem easier to manage. And they will get easier to manage, eventually.

You don't deserve this pain, Saria. You've done nothing to deserve it and it's not fair that you have to fight through it. But you can fight through it. It won't just go away, no - but it will lessen and get easier as you find ways to work through it and cope with it. I know it can seem like there's nothing but pain and suffering and it will never get better - but it can get better and it does.
   
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 08:11 PM

Saria,
I'm sorry you've been having trouble lately, I know it's hard to feel this way, and I would like to say that I can understand and can definitely relate to some of the emotions that you may be feeling. I think one of the hardest things about feeling this way is that often the negative emotions we are feeling seem to, in a sense, blur out the positive emotions that we may have felt in the past, or could be feeling. By this I mean that it is hard to see a lot of the good things in life when we're currently overwhelmed by the bad. I know that when you're going through the emotions that you are struggling with, it's extremely hard to do this, but try not to let those negative feelings take control of you and distort your view of the positive things still going on in your life. Those positive things, every second in your life that you have thought to yourself "I'm glad I was alive today," is what makes living this life worth it. It may not seem that way right now, but I promise you that there's more to life than constant pain.

I'm not sure what you're going through that is causing you to feel this way, but I really hope that whatever it is, things can get better for you soon. If you have someone in your life that you'd feel comfortable discussing these feelings with, why not give that a try? It makes it a lot harder to deal with things when we keep how we're feeling always to ourselves. Also, talking to someone can help you come to terms with what is making you feel the way you do, if you do not already know the source of your negative emotions.

I hope that didn't sound like a bunch of bologna, and that you are able to feel better soon I'm here if you ever need to talk. Take care. x





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 10:45 PM

I know why I feel this way. If I ever sleep I have bad memories and flashbacks from my childhood that wake me. They are really disturbing and make me so uncomfortable to know that I still with my family. I have an appointment with my counsellor today but I don't know what to say to her because she has no idea any of this is happening.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 11:03 PM

Hi Saria,

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing those memories and flashbacks, I know that can be such a hard thing to go through. I'm glad you're seeing your counsellor and hope that you're thinking about talking to her about this. If you don't want to be too specific or aren't ready to be, perhaps you could just tell her that you're having flashbacks and trouble sleeping because of them? She might be able to suggest ways to ground yourself - for example, taking note of what you hear, smell, feel/touch, see, taste around you - or to help you sleep better.

If you're uncomfortable living with your family, is there anywhere else you could go? If you can't get away permanently or don't want to, could you stay with other friends or relatives more often? That way perhaps you will feel a bit more like you are taking steps towards not living with them anymore, and getting a bit more space from them too - and you can decide for yourself if you would like to get what's happened out in the open and possibly be taken into care. If you're safe for right now, you have the time to work that out - but if you aren't safe, please think about getting help.

Flashbacks are horrible, but they don't have to be forever and grounding techniques especially can be helpful in coping with them, as can talking when you're ready and at your own pace.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 11:07 PM

I can hardly ever leave the house because my mum suffers from major depression. She can't look after our family so I am the one who is responsible to look after everyone including my two year old brother that needs alot of attention. It is just so hard.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 11:33 PM

Saria,

I'm sorry to hear that, it's so hard to take care of others especially when we need to take care of ourselves as well. Have you considered looking into any organisations or charities near you that could support you as a carer? It can be just offering a listening ear or sometimes it can be possible to organise respite care for anything from an afternoon a month to a whole week so that you can take a break. I don't know how you or your family would feel about that but for me personally the opportunity to spend some time for myself was invaluable. If that's not an option, are you getting enough time for yourself? Even just half an hour every day or every other day to relax and just do something you enjoy can help everything else seem a bit more manageable.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 11:38 PM

We havn't ever looked into get any help or support, but I don't think that my parents like the idea at all. I don't get much time to myself during the school year, but at the moment I am getting time to myself because it is school holidays. However sometimes being left alone isn't a very good thing for me because I tend to get really upset or depressed and want to hurt myself badly so I try not to be left alone.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 8th 2009, 11:52 PM

I'm glad to hear that you try not to be alone when you know you're at risk of feeling very depressed and wanting to hurt yourself, reaching out to others is a very positive coping mechanism, whether that's to talk about what's bothering you or because you need to take your mind off it for a little while. It's really important, though, to try to make time regularly for something you enjoy doing, maybe joining a club at school for example. By just relaxing you're helping to re-energise yourself which makes it easier for you to handle all the things going on in your life and take care of yourself as well as your family.

I want to add that you're being really strong dealing with all this because I know even just the caring issue itself can be so stressful, and I hope that's something you can be proud of in the future if you aren't able to right now.
   
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Re: Another night of pain - July 9th 2009, 01:28 AM

Hey Saria,

I am sorry you are going through all this stuff at the moment; it is never fun. I wanted to let you know that I think you are a very brave person for dealing with this stuff. You know that you will be okay right? I know it might not seem like it now but things will work out some how.

I am also glad that you realize that being alone is not good so you try very hard not to; that too takes great strenght.

I really wish you would talk to your therapist and let her know how hard a time you are going through maybe she could help you explain it to your parents and that might help them understand that they need to get some type of support.

Please hang in there and if you need someone to talk to my pm box is always open.


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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 10th 2009, 08:54 PM

Hi Saria,
You're a very strong person for holding on this long, I know how it feels to cry so hard you begin shaking, not only once but many times. I think that you should talk to your therapist, you wouldn't believe the difference they make, they've helped me a lot so maybe you should talk to yours. I'm glad you posted on here looking for help, it's the first to to recovery, just keep holding on, and if you need someone to talk to I'm more then happy to help (:
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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 10th 2009, 10:25 PM

Things aren't getting any better. I still have the same reactions everynight and all the flashbacks and memories and I still thing it isn't worth living if I go through all this pain. I just want to give up so badly and throw my life away I don't see the point. I talked to my counsellor very breifly about what was going on and how I was feeling but I couldn't bring myself to go into the details. It was just so hard to think about while I was there and it hurt so much to talk about.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: Another night of pain - July 11th 2009, 05:07 AM

Hey Saria,

I'm really proud of you for trying to talk to counselor about what's going on. That's a major step! It took a lot to do that, and you should be proud of yourself for opening up even a little. Keep trying to talk to your counselor about it, maybe let your counselor know that it's hard for you to go into detail. But keep going. Small steps are still steps.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 11th 2009, 11:25 AM

I should not be proud at all. No one should be proud of themselves if they are suicidal. I shouldn't feel this way it is so wrong. It isn't right for me too feel like this.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 11th 2009, 03:07 PM

Saria,

I'm proud of you too for talking to your counsellor, I know that can be so incredibly hard to do, and I really think it's a positive step. I hope that you can keep mentioning little things or parts of this to her, even if it's just hinting at it. Or perhaps you could say you'd like some help coping with flashbacks but aren't ready to talk about the flashbacks themselves yet?

I don't think that because you're feeling suicidal you should not be proud of yourself. You said that you found it really hard to talk about but you still did talk about some of it. You did something despite finding it difficult - no matter what else is going on in your life, you have every right to be proud of that. In my opinion, you should be more proud of that because you haven't given up even though giving up is something you've been thinking about. That's a really strong thing to do.

I know it is hard for you right now, probably harder than I know. But you are reaching out for help and there is help out there, there is help here, for you. You deserve it. And it won't always be this hard. You can get through this.
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 12th 2009, 12:48 AM

Last night could not have been anyworse. It hurts to event hink about what happened. It is too much... I just can't handle. These flachbacks are driving me absolutely insane. Make them stop please.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
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Re: Another night of pain - July 12th 2009, 02:49 PM

Hey Saria,

feeling that way does suck. But feeling suicidal isn't necessarily "wrong." Acting on it might be, but feeling that way isn't. It's not like you're choosing to feel that way or anything. So feeling that way doesn't anything about you.

*hugs* I'm sorry last night was so horrible. I would suggest trying to talk to your counselor again. I know that can seem really scary, but even just trying to get a little out about what's going on is a major step to helping things get better. And your counselor would probably have some concrete suggestions about how to reduce the flashbacks, too.

Hang in there, Saria. We'll getcha through this. PM me anytime


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 18th 2009, 09:59 PM

Another night of flashbacks. It was too hard to even convince mysef to go back to sleep. I'm too scared I'll have more. They're tearing me apart.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another night of pain - July 19th 2009, 12:56 AM

Fight them feelings inside of you. Replace old flash backs with new memories Get our there in the world and start making new things happen. Hope your alright <3

Your not alone.
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