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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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braidenowns Offline
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Question Here Goes Nothing.. - July 9th 2009, 08:44 AM

Okay, so I'm not one to talk about how I feel. I deal kind of by helping other people, but lately, things have just really got me down. Okay I'll try and make this as short as possible.

So, three/four days ago I went to work...as normal...but when I got home, I found my gf lying on the floor. I have no idea what she did or why she did it. We've been living together for about 8 months now. Anyways, I called 911, well I didn't want to at first but Jen made me. Thank God for that. So, the police and the ambulance came, the ambulance took her away and police officers held me back from her, I wasn't allowed to go. How can they take someone away like that? They don't even know her and love her. That counts for nothing. I figured that she was upset and whatever she had done she did for a reason. I don't know what to think anymore.

I hate cops of any kind, I've had bad encounters with them before and I don't like them at all. Okay, so they are going to stay at my pace until she gets out of the hospital but they said that it could be anywhere from two weeks to 18 months, and for that whole time I won't be able to see her. I won't even be able to call her. I miss her already.

I've seen some of my past come up with being so depressed and the worst part is that the officers are starting to notice, I have barely eaten in the last couple days the last actual thing meal that I've eaten was when I was with my son at the park yesterday. I'm suprised they let me go, but then again I'm not suprised that they had to sit and watch. I had a psychiatrist come and visit today, gahh! That was the worst thing ever, he told me and the officers that I am emotionally unstable and that I need a close eye kept on me. That pissed me off. Completely. I hate this whole thing. I really don't want to put up with this anymore. I don't like people in my house, near me or in my personal space.

I'm really glad that they don't follow me around everywhere, but like every five minutes if I'm not back in my living room the call my name and ask if I'm okay. It's really annoying. This morning I went to the the bathroom and I was just really pissed off and so I cut..but on my feet so they couldn't see it. I couldn't get the bleeding to stop for about two minutes and then all I hear from the other side of the door is, 'Son, are you okay? What are you doing in there?' fuck. I can't stress to them how much I am not their 'son'. That annoyed me and I figured that if I didn't come out I would get the door busted down in my house. So I came out with socks on and they asked why and I was like because my feet are cold...why else do people wear socks? And he just got angry at me which made me get angry.

Anyways, the best thing that happened in all of this was when my son called me. I really love him. But I got my cell phone taken away. And now I can't call and talk to him. They've already told his mum (my ex-gf) not to leave him here with me for a while. That got me more angry. And more sad. Because the two people that I love have been taken from me. I have up clue what to do. I think that I've tried everything. I'm on here constantly trying to keep my mind busy but it seems that it's not working anymore.

Anyways. I'm feeling angry, level 10. I'm feeling sad, level 10. I'm feeling frustrated, level 10. Gahh! I guess I don't really know how I'm truely feeling anymore.

I'm sorry this is so long.

Braiden.

Last edited by braidenowns; July 9th 2009 at 08:50 AM. Reason: Spelling..as usual.
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Re: Here Goes Nothing.. - July 9th 2009, 01:04 PM

Hey Braiden first off good job on posting I know it can take a lot to post a thread about yourself.

im so sorry about what your having to go through right now. I can imagne how hard this must be for you. I know you cant see your gf right now and your made and hurt by that but just try thinking of it as that shes getting the help that she needs and when shes doing better you can be with her again.

It would really bug me to if there were a bunch of people watching me al lthe time. But there doing it for your saftey they dont want you to hurt yourself. Could you try talking to somebody about how your feeling. Im sure those guys that are with you would listen.

Once you get to feeling better you'll get to see your little boy again try to focus on that. You get better and you get to see your son and your gf gets better and you guys get to be with each other again.

You dont have to go through this alone. Please dont let it get as far as it did with your girlfriend. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Pm me anytime.


   
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Re: Here Goes Nothing.. - July 9th 2009, 03:50 PM

Hello There,

That must really be hard not being able to see your girlfriend but like said just take comfort knowing that she is getting the help that she needs. It won't stay this way forever and before too long, you'll get to see her again. Is it possible that you can get updates on her? Can you maybe write letters back and fourth to keep in contact?

That must suck like getting hardly any privacy I bet. Is it possible you could talk to these people and ask them to maybe just "back off" a little but so that you can have some personal space. They are only doing to keep you safe but we all need privacy sometimes.

I'm sorry that you're not able to see you're son at the moment. But that's why you need to focus on getting better so that you can have him back in your life.

If you keep focusing on all the negatives then of course that's all your are going to see and feel. Why not try and focus on the positives and then maybe you'll start seeing things clearer and you'll start feeling better.

Cutting, isn't helpful in these sititutations. It might seem like a good solution but in the end it's only causing more harm than good. Trust me on this.

Hang in there, it's tough not being able to be with the people you love but things will get better too.
PM me anytime <3


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keep your faith alive.
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