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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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Name: Lea
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surprising - July 9th 2009, 05:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i hav had depression for years.years.years...
but the last 3 hav been the worse.
terriable in fact, ODing, Self harm to new levels.
depression to the max.
unexplainable.
but some parts explainable to certain people.
so many things...blah,blah,blah.
last few months hasnt been as bad, stil bad, just not quite as bad.
for reasons unknown.
but...im surprised how its coming back so bad so dark once again.
and how much i can feel it, like a black cloak encasing me.
i know its coming, know that i can feel it, like i cant breth propperly, like a illness that i can never ever shake off.
im not inviting it, i should b stopping it.
i cant.
maybe i dont want to.
its a part of who i am.
its coming back as bad as a few months ago,and i know if i let it come, it will be worse.
im so lost.
i found myself earlier watchin the tv, and just thinkin about takin some pills.
i was thinking about 30 of X pills.
kill me? maybe? like an experiment.
i think it all coming back really quickly.
i actually think i could go for another suicide attempt tonight.
how can it come back so quickly.
i think its never actaully gone away.
did i just manage to mask it with something else?
blah
xxx


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
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Outside, huh?
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Re: surprising - July 9th 2009, 06:38 PM

Hey Lea. I think that it's often normal for depression to cease for awhile, then come back even worse than before. It's one of those lovely things about depression, unfortunately. Have you talked to anyone about your depression recently? Are you in therapy, or taking any medications? If so, I really think that you should talk to your therapist about this sudden change. Maybe it has to do with a med you're taking, if you are taking one? If you're not taking meds or in therapy, though, maybe it would be a good idea to get in touch with a therapist and perhaps go on some medication in order to help you with this depression.

Put those pills somewhere out of your reach, where you can't see them, and aren't tempted to take them. Take a deep breath, try to relax. Call someone up if you can. If you end up feeling extremely suicidal, call a hotline. You could also head over to this sticky: http://forums.teenhelp.org/f11-depre...ide-resources/ and see if any of those suggestions might help you.

Don't give up on living, Lea. You still have a lot of life in front of you, and a lot of opportunity for things to get better in your life. There are a lot of people who believe in you, including me I'm here if you ever need to talk. x





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: surprising - July 10th 2009, 03:52 AM

Hey Lea,

*hugs* I'm sorry that things are coming back so difficult, hun. I know there are times for me when things seem to be back with a vengeance, even though I had been "getting better." But try not to let old doubts and insecurities get hold too much - things can and will get lighter again. Was there anything that helped the past three months not feel like so much of a weight? And sometimes making yourself focus on something else when all those old thoughts and habits start to come back can be the hardest thing - it gets a lot easier after you mentally "shake yourself off" and try to move around on your feet some.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: surprising - July 10th 2009, 10:21 PM

iv seen a threaspist before.
to b honest i dont want to again.
i dont want to get better, just for it to come back all over again.
i just wanna die, the easy way?
depends on how u look at it.
i c it as relief for me and others around me.
i cant keep on like this, things happening the same all the time.
one big circle no matter how hard i try.
its over.
i cannot and will not keep fighting this losing battle.
o.v.e.r
s.o.o.n
i.
h.o.p.e


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: surprising - July 11th 2009, 03:41 AM

Hey Lea,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I know you have heard this before but I do know how you are feeling. But the truth is depression is not a losing battle. You can beat it but you have to try and not give up. I know that is easier said than done too. The thing about depression is that for a while it comes and goes like this but then, with the right treatment and whatnot, you do start seeing a change and you start realizing 'hey this was worth fighting for." I am not going to lie and say that when you start feeling better you never have bad days but when those bad days come they are way easier to get through and the moment you get through them you are thankful.

Lea, I know you don't want to go back to a therapist but I really wish you would. Therapists can be really helpful in helping you fight this winning battle.

Also, I doubt that anyone that cares for you would want to see you give up and not be here anymore. I am sure seeing you struggle like you are is hard but in the end seeing you on a daily basis is something they are probably very grateful for.

Please hang in there Lea and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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Re: surprising - July 11th 2009, 04:25 AM

Hey Lea,

I'm sorry that things feel so cyclical - I know how much it sucks, trying to get out of something but feeling like the things just keep happening over and over again. Sometimes it helps to make a list of what you have done to deal with things and a of what you still could do to try to help the situation - even things that might seem "pointless," or outside your comfort zone. If they might help, in a real way, not an "easy way out" sort of way, then put them on the list. And then at least there are options for trying to get out of the cycle.

Hang in there. We'll getcha through this Because as long as you keep fighting, you've already won.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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