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Bella Offline
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Name: Bella
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Depressed - July 10th 2009, 08:05 AM

I am so confused about myself. I try to force myself to be happy, but it doesn't work. There are a number of things that are making me so depressed that just letting it out is good for me to do and I can't do journals or anything of the sort. I don't know why, but maybe it is because I know that people are reading it and could give solutions while a diary wouldn't.

1. I don't get to see my mom that often. She's been homeless for three months because of the economy and because her parents and some siblings screwed her over. So I saw her more then, but now that she is in a Shelter and she finally got a job, I rarely get to see her and I am depressed because I need her by my side. I mean... It's my mother! I should have her by my side.

2. My father is controlling. He will tell my brother and I to clean up his mess which is totally unfair. He also cares about sleeping and work more than anything else.

3. I have no life. I am always on the internet and my dad doesn't want me to go out anywhere so he doesn't want me to have a license. And I am 17, which is way after the usual age of getting a license. And he is the type of person to screw me over and have me pay for everything when I am 18. Just like he screwed over my mom, and I don't want to end up like my mom.

4. College is coming up and I am stressing about it because I can't have my mom help me and my dad is just putting everything onto me. I am at least a couple months young to be going to college, which does count as a lot-- I can't go to places large and I get overwhelmed. I wish I was still in High School where others are my age and I am not the youngest.

5. I weigh XXX pounds. I'm fat and I try to get rid of it and it never seems to go away. I do have a stupid hourglass figure that packs in more than what it needs to on my thighs, but that is it. I am told by my friend that I should lose weight and I know that. I appreciate her telling me and I am glad that a friend of mine supports me. But then I hang out with my cousin who works out and everything and she tells me to eat chocolate or asks me to eat something after we ate. As if I am a pig of nature. I don't need that. I used to weigh XXX pounds until just recently when I started to feel depressed. (I turn to food).

I have so many emotions that my mind is being blocked at the moment that I can't think of anything else. But I know that there is more. But if you have something to say, then please do. If not, then I guess that is alright. I wouldn't know what to say either. Thanks for reading.

Last edited by Lizzie; July 10th 2009 at 10:30 PM. Reason: Removed weight numbers, please refrain from posting them in the future as they are againt site rules. Thanks. :)
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HiddenIdentity Offline
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Re: Depressed - July 10th 2009, 08:37 AM

Hey Girl.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. But atleast she's got a job now right? And a roof over her head? It must be horrible to be in your situation right now. I cant exacxtly say i know what you are going through, but i wish i could help you. I cant do much, but i can hear you out when you need to vent.
You can PM me or add me or anything, we can always chat.

I hope you dont feel to stressed out because of your weight. Do you know what is the most beautiful part of a human being? Its their pure heart and soul. That is trully just the most beautiful thing. Even the hottest model in the world, will age one day and wont be beautiful, but if they are good at heart, they can call themselves beautiful.

See yourself from the inside. B ut im not saying dont loose wieght, if you want you can try a slight dies, but plz do no, do not do anything crazy. No anoroxia, or bulimia. I'm also fat, but that hardly bothers me, sometimes i do wish to be beautiful on the outside and have a boyfriend, but i wont be too upset over things like this. But do keep yourself healthy though. i may be big size, but i know i dont habe high blood pressure, or any other related desease.

Keep yourself heaalthy. and be happy. I really dont know what to say about your dad, but i am willing to listen to you when you need it.

PM me, i'll be here if you need me. I strongly believe this is the place where you can be open about yourself and find an honest friend that will not judge. I hope to be of help to you.
Take care. Please smile.
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Re: Depressed - July 11th 2009, 05:26 AM

Hey Bella,

I am so sorry you are struggling with all this but it will be okay. I know that may be hard to believe right now but it really is true.

The situation with your mom sounds really tough but maybe it will start to get better now that she has a job. You said she is living in a shelter so does that mean she has a phone number for you to call her at? If so what do you think about calling her and talking to her daily or something like that? I know talking on the phone isn't as great as seeing her but it still helps and it still feels good.

Also, is there anyway you could arrange a visit with her or something? you might not get to see her that often but even seeing her once a month or something would be better than nothing wouldn't it?

I don't know what to say about your dad; that sounds like a stressful situation. You could try talking to him but if that will only cause drama than maybe you should just wait it out until college. You said you would be starting college soon anyway. I know this doesn't solve the problem completely but when you are in college you will be able to get away from him, hopefully, and that might lead to things getting a little better.

College is definitely a stressful experience but it will be okay. If you are worried about it why don't you go talk to one of the counselors when school starts or a week or two before it starts? They might be able to help you out a bit. They might give you tips on how to de-stress and what not it could be really really helpful.

As for your weight something that might help you out are the alternatives in the self-harm forum; I know the two are different but the alternatives will distract you when you get the urge to eat so give it a try. You said you eat when you are stressed or what not and the alternatives help prevent you from dealing with your emotions in a negative way(eating). It could help.

Something that I have found to work when I want to over eat is going for a walk or going to the gym. When I get the urge to over eat I just get up, get ready and go to the gym or walk. You don't have to do it for a long time if you don't want; just until you feel the urge goes away. Walking/exercise is a good way to deal with stress or other emotions.

Another thing I want to add though is that losing weight is a good thing because it is always good to be healthy but losing weight will not make you happy neccessarily. In order to be happy you first have to love yourself and be happy with yourself no matter what you look like.

Please hang in there and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

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