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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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over really soon - July 12th 2009, 07:06 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

the SH is gettin worse again.
when im not cutting, im thinkin about cutting.
i actually dont want to be around people, because i cant cut in front of them.
its all i want to do.
all i can do.
its all thats kept me going.
but now, its different.
i dont want to cut to cope, to survive.
i want to cut to destroy myself.
to bleed.
to die.
to escape.
i want to hurt.
i want it to end.
my mum and dad are goin on holiday on saturday.
and i have never felt so sure that i am going to OD again while there away.
and this time it needs to work.
i cant keep doing this.
cant
cant
cant
i cant talk to anyone about this there isnt and point.
who can change my mind?
who have i got?
please dont say i have, becasue really i havent.
my mum wouldnt/doesnt understand, i have no friends.
there is no-one.
am i bringing this depression on myself?
y does this keep happening to me.
i have never EVER wanted to die so much right now.
i dont think i can even wait til next week.
i feel so emotional now, so tired/upset/angry at myself.
im a worthless piece of shit.
and i give up.
...again.


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Pour the Teapot Offline
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Re: over really soon - July 12th 2009, 07:13 PM

you don't have to be alone! everyone is here for you on TH! cutting destroys your body, and makes you feel worse. if you stop cutting, stop being suicidal, then you can work on gaining friends and living a happier life! just admit that you don't want to die, because nobody really does. your posting here proves it! PM me anytime for absolutely anything!
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 12th 2009, 07:22 PM

Your not alone, when your parents go away spend more time on here and talk to people on here we're all here for you and want what is best for you and thats for you to over come this, your a strong person and you can do it.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 12th 2009, 07:38 PM

iv serously just googled good ways to committe suicided.
and the good pills to OD with, because iv failed so mny times before
im sick.
i happy?
i dont know what i am


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 12th 2009, 09:54 PM

You don't really want to kill yourself otherwise you wouldn't be posting this topic and asking for help. Try and distract yourself from doing anything harmful, it's not worth it at all. Your young and you have a good future ahead of you.


'Cause there's no pride to be found when you follow sheep around..

<3 15/3/09 <3
11 months, I love you.
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 13th 2009, 04:37 AM

Hey Lea,

*hugs*

I'm sorry that things are spiralling downward again - but please hang in there. I know what it's like, too "want" to hurt - but I feel like in that case, hurting isn't really perceived as "hurting," if that makes sense. What do you really want?

If it's a way out - the best way out is through. And I know that you can get through this. And you have us to try to help you through. Are there any relatives, like aunts or cousins or someone, you could talk to and ask for help? Because you do deserve to get help - you get to not hurt, to find out what life can actually be like.

Hang in there. Please hang in there. And take care of yourself. I'll be thinkin' of ya. And feel free to PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 13th 2009, 10:10 PM

the is NO-ONE
NO-ONE AT ALL.i dont want to get though it.
i cant do it any longer.
its just goin downhill again


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 14th 2009, 12:00 AM

Lea,

I really am sorry to hear you struggling so much. I wish there was some way for you to see that you are not alone and to see that suicide is not the answer.

Lea, I have been where you are now and I came out okay. I wish I could make you see that things will turn out okay for you too. Sometimes holding on can hurt so much that letting go seems like the best possible solution out there but it isn't because in the end holding on a little bit longer will result in something good. I can't tell you for certain when the good will come but it will.

I know you don't think you can talk to anyone and I understand that too but please reach out and ask someone for help. What about a doctor or something? If you don't think that your family will understand than go to a doctor because they will help you.

Lea please hang in there and my pm box is always open.

~Jenna~


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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 14th 2009, 03:01 AM

Hi Lea,

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so alone. If I could, I'd give you a giant hug right now. But please remember that you always, always have us, even if we can just listen and maybe offer a word of encouragement. Because you are cared about, Lea. A lot.

Have you tried any type of support group? It's a little less close quarters than a counselor, and then there is someone, multiple someones, which might help to not feel so alone, maybe.

Hang in there, hun. I know that it can be hard to hold on, but we're not letting go. We'll getcha through this.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 14th 2009, 07:27 PM

i keep crying all the time.
keep thinkin about dieing.
about ODing.
keep think about cutting.
just keep cutting.
i dont think i wanna get through this.
becasue it will only happen again
same thing.
i cant keep goin through this.
y cant i just die.
i dont deserve to live, i dont want to live.
there is no point in it whatsoever.


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 14th 2009, 08:02 PM

Lea,

Hey there, I remember replying to your past threads and I know you've been through and go through a lot. Unfortunately, I can't take away what happened. I can't pick perfect words to convince you to stay, and I know no one really has something like that to put here. But, people are trying. Even though each of us knows we don't have the perfect reason to stay, we try because we care. A group of people here cares about what happens to you and we'd prefer to see you try and keep going.

My reason for you to live is "why not?" Why not keep going when the future is untold. Why not push through this until something worth living for is in front of you. We all have happy times that we wish were back, but there are new times we need to be patient for. I can't promise you that one day you'll wake up willing to keep going, but I can promise that will never happen until you leave suicide behind. Suicide is a crutch and it cripples us from ever standing on our own. It's something useful to fall back on when we think things are going to be too hard. I'm telling you right now, it's not a solution. Everyone here is telling you that life gets better, it's worth it - trying gives good results. We're all agreeing that you should keep going because each of us has seen proof that life is worth this trouble. We're not saying it's easy, but it's worth it. I know it's a scary thing - standing on your own without suicide, but you don't need to do this alone.

Sometimes, we need to pick between what we want and what we need in life, what we can't live without and what we're doing just to make things easy. You've made it this far. You're still here, and you can keep going. I believe in you and I believe that you bring something good that no one else can to this earth. I know you don't believe you deserve to live, but I don't believe you deserve to die. You are a good person and giving up would be depriving the world of another good person. We lose too many good people to bad things. Don't let us lose you too. I'm here for you, and I want you to come to me if you need anyone. :]

Have hope,
-Melissa


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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 15th 2009, 03:22 AM

Hi Lea,

honey, I'm sorry that you're hurting so much right now. But I promise that there's a point - you're the point. What do you want from life? What you want to do, where you want to go, who you hope to eventually be, what you think, what you feel, all of that matters. And you definitely deserve to life. Always. Always-always-always. No matter what. I promise. I know how hard it can be to believe that at times - I tend to self-condemn, too. But just because we can't believe it at times doesn't mean it's not true.

Thinking about doing something, even wanting to do something, and actually doing it are two different things. Sometimes, for me it's helped to just take a second whenever I've felt like SHing in anyway to tell myself, "Just because I want to hurt myself doesn't mean I will. So what am I going to do instead?" Just a suggestion.

Hang in there, Lea. You are cared about. I know that things can hurt ridiculously sometimes, but we're always here to at least try to help things feel better.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: over really soon - July 16th 2009, 04:01 AM

killing yourself wont slove anything it will hurt the people who love you. talking about it can really help i know you said you didnt want to talk to anyone cos no one understood but i used to hurt to and i know the urge to cut can be hard to beat down but it can be down it will take time but you can live a good life and have friends. please dont do anything without talking things through maybe if you talked you might be able to find out why you feel so down and depressed. please pm me i really wanna help.
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