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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Not a n00b
LoveLifeMeaningOver's Avatar
Name: Bella
Age: 31
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Join Date: February 17th 2009

Untitled - July 13th 2009, 02:23 AM

I don't know if this is supposed to even go here or in the relationships forum so I'm sorry if it is in the wrong place.

Since I was 16 I've had brushes with depression and suicide attempts. I would get to feeling better and then something would happen to make everything worse. Well, this past January I had a suicide attempt that my boyfriend of the time really helped me out with and the depression slowly started to go away.

Well, here it is six months after the fact and the boyfriend that was so amazing to help me through my situation broke up with me because I couldn't control my anger and said something I didn't mean. Then I find that he's been cheating for 9 months out of 11 months of our relationship. And since then I'm feeling the same way I was in January. Probably worse. I feel worthless and like this is all somehow my fault. And what if I try again and there's no one to help pull me through my depression? What if I try again and actually succeed? I'm so heartbroken and so scared. As much as I'm hurting and dying inside, I really don't want to die. I want live and get through this pain and live to see another day.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
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Re: Untitled - July 13th 2009, 04:22 AM

Hey Bella,


I'm sorry for the rough time that you've been going through, hun. It's great that before you had someone to help you - you deserve to have that now. Other friends, friends' parents, and family members (like a mom, an aunt, a cousin, people like that) can all be a great support system. And have you tried talking to a counselor about how you've been feeling? Counselors are really helpful in terms of listening, helping sort things out, shedding light on how to help things turn around, stuff like that. Or if you ever needed immediate help, calling 911 or a helpline (like Hopeline, 1-800-442-HOPE) is typically a good idea.

But hun, what's going on, what happened with your boyfriend, none of it is your fault. He's responsible for his choices, not you. And the choices people make in a relationship often don't have anything to do with something about the other person.

Originally Posted by LoveLifeMeaningOver View Post
As much as I'm hurting and dying inside, I really don't want to die. I want live and get through this pain and live to see another day.
Remember that. Because there always is a way to get through another day. And that other day is typically a lot brighter than the one before. You will be able to move past this pain to the later smiles and laughs that are waiting.

Hang in there. And feel free to PM me anytime.

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
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Nixie Offline
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Re: Untitled - July 13th 2009, 04:43 AM

Dancer really hit that mark on that. I don't think I could've given you anything better... But I really hope and I have faith that you will live through this. I don't want you to be in any pain, but depression as well as a terrible break-up, it's just difficult.. I know. Hang in their, and ride out the downfall. You'll have your moments, but at least you'll be breathing and living through it. If you ever need any help or just someone to vent to, get a hold of me okay? I hope I've helped some.

I really wish I could give you a hug!

*e-hugs Bella*

It's something, right?

I want to get inside your mind;
I want you to expand mine.
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Re: Untitled - July 13th 2009, 06:33 PM


I'm sorry that someone treated you so badly. Sometimes, life isn't fair. Actually, it's more often not fair. But there is a trick to life, I find. It's true, that the bad things can be big and it can be more difficult to live with, but the good things are more powerful when you let them be. Whenever I'm ready to do something that normally I can decide against, I sit and relax and look at the scenery. Remember to breathe and look at what's around you. Sometimes, when we're upset we can't appreciate each thing we do have, and even though life gets bad - it's worth it to keep living. If you don't keep going, you're never going to find someone that won't harm you. There are people in this world that wouldn't dream of harming you, the longer you stay, the better chance you have of finding these people.

I believe everyone is put here for a reason, and you have a reason to be here. You said it yourself, you don't want to die. You just want to make it through this rough patch and heal. That's a perfectly reasonable thing, and it can happen. There's no reason to be scared, sometimes the best things in life we figure out - we figure out on our own. There's a difference between on your own and alone. Right now, you might feel alone but I can guarantee you're not. You don't want someone beside you who's lying to you. There are people who will be completely honest and truthful with you, look for those people. And for those who break your heart - you're better off without them and it's their loss. Some things we need to do ourselves. That's how we build our strength and learn valuable life lessons. However, if you do feel you might act on impulse, try to call a help line in your area or visit our Hold Onto Hope stick in this forum. Just fill yourself up with reasons to live, don't dwell on the things that hurt.

If we were never supposed to survive on our own, then everyone would be attached to the waste with someone else and it wouldn't be a random occurrence. I know it's so much easier when someone is there to break your fall, but don't doubt yourself before you have a chance to try. You might do better than you're thinking. Believe in yourself, I do. You're not alone. This can be a chance to be happy and fulfill things that you feel you need to. Stay positive and bring yourself up when you could be going down. That's a big key to doing this. You can do this and it's okay to ask for help along the way. It's okay to be lost and it's okay to take a break sometimes. As long as you keep trying, nothing can keep you down for long. :] Take care of yourself, okay? We're all behind you and if you need anyone, PM me at any time.

01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
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