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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DreamCatcher.x Offline
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a bit of everything. - July 13th 2009, 05:46 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

well alot has happened.
Only now i'm not coping.

Overdosing, drugs, alcohol, barely eating, hurting myself sucidie attempts.

Alot of horrible events have happened.
Continue to happen.

I cant seem to stop, and i'm out of control.
I even look a state and constantly ill.

But no one seems to care around here.
The one person that did, hurt me big style.
I'm not sposed to speak to him, i dont even think its a good idea too
Yet the urge is there, and i want to.

But what he did. scarred me for life.
It wont go away, i wish it would.

Idk. Just needed to say something I guess.

Had a huge breakdown in public yesterday, that was embarrassing.
Now i'm not me. I'm just numb. Quiet, and tend to faint alot now.

I feel like a failure, a waste of space, worthless and utterly pathetic.
And to be quite frank, better of dead.

I hate feeling like this.
And yes I am getting help... only the treatment im getting doesnt work.
And no one listens when i try to speak out.

Im apparently a f**k up who doesn't know what shes doing or saying according to my mum, and that i cant do anything right.

And just lately, alot of people have backstabbed me, bitched about me and hurt me really bad.
I'm getting walked all over and used, and guilt tripped and blackmailed.
But i cannot fight back.
Or retaliate.
I just seem to take it, then take it out on myself.

But now, i live in fear of people and myself.


x


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: a bit of everything. - July 13th 2009, 06:58 PM

Hi DreamCatcher.x

well alot has happened.
Only now i'm not coping.

What is it that is suddenly making you not cope? You mentioned a lot has happened.....are you prepared to elaborate why?

Overdosing, drugs, alcohol, barely eating, hurting myself sucidie attempts.

This things, they represent pain, you are in pain. I can understand where you are coming from. I regulary do all those myself...Im still here....your still here, you know why....because you are supposed to be here. You are a strong person...a fighter....theres not need to try and end it, no matter how bad life gets, it can get better.

Alot of horrible events have happened.
Continue to happen.

Once again, would you be honest and brave enough to tell these horrible events and what does continue to happen. It would get easier talking about it and people would be more able to help.

I cant seem to stop, and i'm out of control.
I even look a state and constantly ill.

If you cant stop and are out of control....then you need help...thats nothing to be ashamed about.
It doesnt matter what state you think you look in, you said yourself, your out of control. That warrants help.

But no one seems to care around here.
The one person that did, hurt me big style.
I'm not sposed to speak to him, i dont even think its a good idea too
Yet the urge is there, and i want to.

Its a horrible feeling, feeling that no-one is around who cares. Especially since you seemed to have to someone who hurt you. It's up to you if you want to speak to him or not. Only you can decide. But I can tell you, people do care....I do. And although I dont know you, I really want to help you feel better.

But what he did. scarred me for life.
It wont go away, i wish it would.

Im not sure what he did to you, but could you talk about it....A problem shared is a problem halved...

Idk. Just needed to say something I guess.

You know, you can say anything, especially on Teen Help and you wont be judged, so feel free to say whatever you want. Be it bad or good.

Had a huge breakdown in public yesterday, that was embarrassing.
Now i'm not me. I'm just numb. Quiet, and tend to faint alot now.

Sorry you had a huge breakdown. Do you think its to do with what yor going through?
How long have you not been you....? I know its hard....being numb and feeling nothing.....its difficult. But dont compare yourself to what you were. People change, because of experiances.

I feel like a failure, a waste of space, worthless and utterly pathetic.
And to be quite frank, better of dead.

You may feel like a failure, but would a failure have enough guts to say on a help site how they really feel.....You are not a waste of space, you are not worthless and you are not utterly pathetic. You just have to believe and train your mind to think more positive.
There is no way you would be better dead. Being dead...well....I had a friend who ended it...it wasnt nice...not at all....I think you can pull through your problems.

I hate feeling like this.
And yes I am getting help... only the treatment im getting doesnt work.
And no one listens when i try to speak out.

I glad you hate feeling like this.....thats a step forward...but...
If the treatment isnt working, can you not change the type of therapy, or even the therapist.

Im apparently a f**k up who doesn't know what shes doing or saying according to my mum, and that i cant do anything right.

Your mum was the same as my mum when I was young. Your mum doesnt understand your mental health....she doesnt think you are a fuck up....she just doesnt know how to deal with your problems so she gets angry and scared. If you were to sit and talk properly and tell her how you feel, maybe make some peace.

And just lately, alot of people have backstabbed me, bitched about me and hurt me really bad.
I'm getting walked all over and used, and guilt tripped and blackmailed.
But i cannot fight back.
Or retaliate.
I just seem to take it, then take it out on myself.

Im sorry to hear that, all these people who walk all over you or backstab you are not worth the shit you tread on. There are loads ofpeople out there who would be glad to have you as a friend....theres no need to do anything to yourself, because you are not the one at fault.

But now, i live in fear of people and myself.

Please.....the world and people are not to be feared off...you just need some help believeing that. I think you are strong enough to get through.

If you cant and you start thinking of suicide, then please, go somewhere safe...like a hospital.

PM me whenever you like

Jamie
xx


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Re: a bit of everything. - July 14th 2009, 01:44 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry that you have been struggling with so much but it will be okay; I know that is hard to believe but please try too. I know that sometimes it seems like the hits keep coming but eventually some good will come.

The things that are making you feel so low, do you think you could talk about them to a friend, counselor, or to us on here? I know it might be hard but in the end it might help you out. I know how hard it can be to talk about everything but talking is the key to everything in a way.

I am so sorry that you feel no one cares; that is always a horrible feeling but please know that people on this site care. Also, I am sorry that you were hurt by someone so badly; that always hurts but please don't let that one persons betrayal let you be afraid to allow others in because not all people will hurt you.

Sorry about the breakdown but that really is not the worst thing in the world; you know people struggle with a lot of things out in the world and if other people would hold things like that against you than why waste time feeling sorry about what they think? The other thing is most those people probably won't remember what happened in the future, you know?

You are not a failure or a waste of space or any of those things. I am one of those people who believes that if a person is born they have a reason to be here. Right now you are going through a rough time but you will get through it just hang in there.

You are not better off dead either. I don't know how to make you see it but you will be okay and one day you will be so glad that you are still here.

I am so glad you are seeking treatment; that is awesome. I know that it isn't helping right now but it can take time. I also think you should talk to your therapist and let him/her know how you feel about the treatment' if they knew how you felt they might be willing to help you find someone else or they might be able to explain to you why it doesn't feel like it's not working?

I don't know why your mom would say those things about you but please try not to listen to her. Sometimes parents can say such hurtful things and in the end you have to try to brush it off and say 'that doesn't matter' I know it is hard but please try because I highly doubt that you are a f&^k up or anything at all.

If people are abusing you so much, with words and what not, than you should try and take a little break from them. I know that might be kind of hard but it can help. You do not deserve to be treated like crud and if people are treating you that way that it is time to take a step back from those relationships. Do you think you could give that a try?

I know how scary people can be at times but please try not to be too scared of them because with time you will start to realize that not all people are bad. I know you have run into some bad people lately but with time you will meet good people.

Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk my pm box is open.

~Jenna~


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
DreamCatcher.x Offline
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Re: a bit of everything. - July 14th 2009, 08:05 PM

Trying to sit down with my mum and talk.
Really does not work.
She just isnt bothered and stuff.

And if your mother found out you were leaving, she would at least be alittle upset right.

All my mum is bothered about is the flippin' money.
And how if I move out she loses 72 a week which was the benefit for me.

Only it was never used for me.

Lovely.
She cares about, the money, her dog and her bf.




Either I'm Braindead or Your Not Making Sense.

You Are My Illness, and I am Your Antidote.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: a bit of everything. - July 15th 2009, 12:35 AM

Hey there,

I don't know why your mom is that way and she should care about you leaving not about the money and if she doesn't that is her problem. You deserve better treatment and getting out on your own away from your mom might help you obtain that treatment.

I know that it's hard to accept things like this but sometimes you just have to realize that our parents aren't the people we want them to be/need them to be. It is probably one of the hardest things to come to terms with but it can happen and the thing is when it happens you will be okay.

I know my parents are not going to be the parents I need and if I left they would only be concerned about the money involved too but I have come to terms with that(for the most part) and I am okay; you can be okay too.

Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk please feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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