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Name: Sarah
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I've fallen into another hole. - July 13th 2009, 11:09 PM

I thought things were looking up, but I guess not.
Everything seems to be getting worse instead of better.
It's not just one thing, it's a bunch of little things, which probably won't seem like a big deal at all. But I guess it is to me.

I feel like I have no friends at the moment. I Haven't seen anyone outside my family since school got out in june. No one has invited my out anywhere, or to their house or anything. I've called a few people, but no one is ever interested in doing anything when I'm free.
I'm in summer school. I failed Algebra 2 with a 40-something percent. and the worst part is, I actually tried my hardest all year. I guess math just isn't my thing.. ?
I still don't have a boyfriend. I know it's not supposed to be important, but for some reason it is for me. I've been single for over a year. I haven't even like, talked to a boy in over a year.
I think my parents are going to get a divorce. I just have that feeling. They've been seperated for like, 2 or 3 years now, and they hardly ever talk and seem to go out of their way to avoid eachother.
My self image is terrible. I can hardly looks at anything but my face in a mirror. Every time I do, I just want to crawl back into bed and die. It's awful.

So now that you know my life story, help?


Sarah
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Re: I've fallen into another hole. - July 14th 2009, 12:57 AM

Hey Sarah,

I am so sorry to hear about all of this but things will be okay. I know how tough it can be to feel like you have no friends but you know sometimes people get really caught up in things during the summer.

I know you said that you gave people a call but what if you called them up and tried setting something up? You know like see when they are available and then make a date? I am sure you could work something out. I know during the summers my friends were always really busy because their parents made them do all sorts of things so maybe that is what is going on with your friends?

You really shouldn't feel bad about the algebra class because math is not for everyone. If you are struggling with the summer class make sure to get a tutor so that things will work out. Also, the summer class should wipe the bad grade off of your record so if you are worried about your transcript you shouldn't be. Lastly, shouldn't algebra 2 be your last year of math anyways?

You are right a boyfriend is not important :P but I know how hard it can be to see other people walking around in relationships but try to remember that your time will come. I can't tell you when but you just have to give it time. All good things take time; you know if you rush it it probably wouldn't even be that good anyways.

As for your parents the only suggestion I can make regarding that is talking to them. You should go ask your mom or dad if they are getting a divorce and tell them to be truthful with you. Do you think you would want to do that though?

The only reason I suggest talking to them about it is because sometimes we think one thing and really something else is going on. So you may think they are getting a divorce but they really might not be, you know?

As for your low self-image do you know the reason behind it? The main way you can overcome self-image problems is by figuring out the cause behind it and dealing with it head on; so once you figure out the cause of it you should try to deal with it.

Also, something that I have found to be helpful when dealing with self-image problems is finding 5 things you like about yourself and anytime you find yourself saying 'I hate myself, etc' you immediately replace those thoughts with the good thoughts about yourself.

I know it might be hard to find good things about yourself so here are some ways to find some:

What are good comments people have made about you: Teachers, parents, siblings.....

What are things you know you can do good: Swimming, reading, fishing, running.....

What are good features you have: Hair, smile, laugh.....

Try to find five of them and anytime a bad thought comes in your head push it aside and say "I have a good smile' or 'I am a reader' etc. Do you think you could do that? Writing as many good qualities about yourself as you can would be great but five is a great place to start and hopefully as time goes on and you start feeling better about yourself you will be able to come up with more, easily.


Sarah, do you think that talking to a counselor would help? It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and a counselor might not be such a bad idea. I know it might be scary but in the end it can really help to have someone to talk to on a more regular basis and a counselor might be able to help give you more tools to start feeling better about yourself. Please give it try.

Hang in there and if you ever want to talk my pm box is always open.

~Jenna~


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Re: I've fallen into another hole. - July 14th 2009, 03:31 AM

Hey Sarah,

I'm really sorry to hear about the tough time you've been having, hun. I understand how little things can still add up to feel really overwhelming.

But we're here to help shoulder them

Math wasn't Einstein's thing, either. At least, not according to his grades in school. And you should be proud of yourself for trying your hardest, instead of just deciding to blow it off. That effort is way more admirable than any good grade. So don't worry, not having done "well" in math doesn't mean that you won't go on to become a perfectly functional and wonderful person - I have a cousin who just graduated from high school, is going to a good college, is happy with how things are for him without having had to "settle," and he historically did... not-so-well, in multiple classes, throughout school. But like I said, he's doing just fine. And you've already got quite a lead on him, anyway

I definitely understand about the friends thing. I definitely second Jenna's advice. Sometimes it's not that friends are trying to ignore other friends, it's just that scheduling during the summer gets really weird and conflicting. But you should be able to find something that'll work out. Or do you have any hobbies that you could try doing in a group setting, to make some new friends? For example, if you like art, take a painting class, or be part of a volunteer group somewhere or something like that?

I also second Jenna's advice on the boyfriend thing. I know how it can feel sort of - discouraging, seeing other people in relationships, but keep hanging in there - you'll eventually find someone, and possibly be more mature and ready for having had the chance to grow some before moving into one quickly.

I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on with your parents. I would definitely suggest talking to them, too. Sometimes, it's helpful to just take a step back and realize that whatever we may be afraid of, the worst hasn't actually happened yet. Whatever the outcome, it'll be okay.

And I'm sorry to hear about self-image issues. But please know that people are typically way less un-attractive than they think themselves to be. In that area, we're often our harshest critics. Maybe try finding something small (for example, whenever I start cringing when I walk by mirrors, I start off with "I look awesome in silver nail polish) that you can like about how you look, and build from there. I promise, there will be things there. Often more than you might think.

Hope that maybe helps some

Hang in there. And feel free to PM me anytime


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Re: I've fallen into another hole. - July 14th 2009, 07:46 PM

Hey Sarah,

I'm glad you decided to post and ask for help instead of taking all this on by yourself. It's good to ask for help sometimes, whether it's about one big thing or a bunch of little things. We all have our own abilities to handle stress and some of us have higher abilities than others. If these things are important to you, then they are to us. Little things can build up too, and they normally never come alone. In some cases the little things are just as bad as the big, so don't worry about that. :]

I'm sorry people seem to be busy right now, often when things build up, it's easier to feel alone when these things aren't the case at all. When problems keep coming, we can easily convince ourselves that people don't care or we're alone etc. Often, that isn't the case at all, we're just trying to cope with so many things at once that negativity takes over too easily. I know you're probably so tired of trying right now, but stay positive as much as you can.Just because people are busy doesn't mean you have no friends. Try and make plans earlier and plan for the future or something that doesn't take an entire night to do, this way it's easier to work around. Also, maybe join some summer sports or clubs? This way you can keep yourself occupied and it leaves less empty space for negative thoughts.

Math sometimes needs a certain knack to understand. Biology, is not my thing. No matter how much I studied, I couldn't comprehend some things. That's okay though. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, if we didn't this world would be perfect and boring. Jobs would be even harder to get too. So, there's nothing wrong with having a weakness. The best thing about that is you tried your hardest and you kept at it, even though it was probably difficult to do. That takes a lot of effort and you should be proud. As for your boyfriend situation, I can see where it's important to some people. But maybe you're wanting a boyfriend so much right now because you're missing your friends too? There are perks to being single, you can flirt and have fun without worrying about cheating. I can understand wanting commitment, but try to look at the positive sides of this and before you know it, you might find someone you're interested in. Sometimes the best things come along when we aren't looking. Take care of yourself before you try to take care of someone else's needs too.

Sometimes, people aren't compatible. I'm sorry if your parents are having troubles with their relationship, but they both love you and that won't change. I can see and empathize with how hard it is to see and witness everyday, I suggest trying to get out of the house when it's beginning to bother you. You might even want to discuss this with them. Maybe they can put your mind to ease? Either way, if this really worries you, I suggest writing it down in a journal to vent. It's not healthy to keep how this makes you feel inside. You might just be able to walk a little lighter each time you pour your thoughts into the open. As for your self image, that's a hard thing to build up. Especially when we're negative with how we look too. Try to list something you like about yourself every time you think of something you don't. I know you're probably tired of hearing my positive thinking advice, but it's something to try, right? And if it doesn't work, at least you gave it a good shot. What you eat can also improve how you feel about yourself. Try to eat healthy snacks and maybe incorporate some work outs in between there too. That could help you get out of the house. Just remember to be healthy about it and it might help you accept yourself. :] You are you and no one can change that, but you're unique and special and bring something to peoples lives no one else can.

Remember you're not alone, and I'm always willing to talk if you want to send me a PM. Take care of yourself and keep positive.

Have hope,
-Melissa


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