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Emzy Offline
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Should I be this bothered? - July 14th 2009, 08:08 PM

...that she has ripped my heart into a million pieces? that she lied, "sort of" cheated? said horrible things to me, called me "obese", wanted me dead?

should i be this bothered? do i have the right to be this bothered? so bothered that i really don't want to be here? i want to scream. shout. yell. cry. breakdown. i can't love her. i can't feel it anymore, it's all numbness. she wants to tell me "what really happened" or "the truth", she's promised me the truth before and it turned out she's lied.

plus i'm so ill with this swine flu crap, i'm running on empty and i have nowhere to turn anymore. she's drove me to what feels like an early grave because i feel nothing. i am numb. i can't cry anymore, it's impossible. i'm tying my best to act like i'm this hard chick who doesn't care that the love of her life has just cheated on her with her ex, said she wants me dead, whatever else, i can't even bare to think about it. i'll never forgive her. i can't. i knew i shouldn't of trusted anyone, so i feel i have let myself down for trusting her, but i thought i could, i thought i could let her see me for who i am. i let her in, she abused it, went to her ex, chose her ex over me (plus her ex seems to have some sort of problem and finds it funny to send me stupid facebook messages), and she doesn't care. she can't care.


i don't want to be here anymore, i can't believe she's done this to me.
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Re: Should I be this bothered? - July 14th 2009, 08:43 PM

Hi Emma

Im so sorry about what has happened to you.

You seem to have a lot of adrenalin running at the moment, just try and sit back, relax and breathe ryhmically.

You are the victim in this situation...the things she said were completetly wrong. Its best that you are not with her in the first place. You are not worth name calling, you deserve to be happy. Forget the name calling, forget she said she wants you dead. Youre worth more than that.

Please dont let this swine flu get you down, recovery will come.

I know you feel numb, but cry or not crying, doesnt mean anything...you still have the same emotions. Dont try to be anyone else....be yourself....

....she is doing some nasty stuff to you....the mature thing is too ignore it. It is horrible all the trust you put into her and the relationship....but your not the problem....she is.....

.....Its best to ignore...get your feelings out....and ignore all these messages on facebook....

Im so sorry you feel like you dont want to be here anymore.....One person cant dictate your life. You cant. You desreve a better life...and by being here....well....your life will get better, you will find a nice partner whom will treat you with respect, not someone who is obviously a little less immmature than you.

If you need to talk...PM me.

Take care of yourself...you are worth it.

Jamie
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Re: Should I be this bothered? - July 14th 2009, 08:59 PM

Thank you.

I know i'm worth more, the girl i was with for 3 years treated me better than this, and even she was evil. i was alone for so long and it took me alot of courage to put all my trust in her and now shes gone and wrecked it all. i can't even picture myself with her ever again. it makes me wanna breakdown just thinking about it. all the times we cuddled, she was probs thinking about her ex. all the nights we stayed up in my bed, it wasnt me she was thinking about just so hard to come to terms with. i never knew it hurt so much

i'll be okay.. im gonna stay strong for my own health. thank you for the reply x
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Re: Should I be this bothered? - July 14th 2009, 09:17 PM

Emma,

It sounds, to me, like you're bothered by the event you explained in this thread. So, if you are bothered, by all means, be bothered. You're allowed to feel hurt and get angry. Let it out and don't hold it in. Composure is nice, but it isn't always appropriate all the time. It's okay to admit that this girl hurt you and it's okay to vent and show it. You have every right to not believe her, and you have every right to want to stop caring for someone that hurt you so much. How you react is your own self expression and so long as it isn't unhealthy, I think you're entitled to your feelings.

I'm sorry someone abused your trust like this. No one deserves to be cheated on or lied to, ever. If I were you, I would want to hear her reasons and version of the truth. Whether you choose to believe it or not, is your own prerogative. However, I don't think you should do this before you're ready. Finish coping first. Finish figuring out how you feel and getting all the hurt out before you do hear her out, if you ever do. You deserve time to think and heal. Time without her. It's okay not to want to hear her out too, but I've always liked to hear the whole story. Either way, you deserve time to heal and time to yourself and she should respect that.

You know, I always used to put of a front. I'd hide the fact that I cared and I would always want people to think nothing harmed me. I would conclude that if people thought they could hurt you, they'd always try to. That isn't the case, of course, some people still do try. But, this is about being honest with yourself most of all. YOU need to know yourself before anyone else can try to. When you show people you care, you get better reactions and you'll find yourself feeling less numb when the time comes to show emotions. It's okay to hurt, I would assume you're hurting very much so right now. And I'm so sorry that you are. You're too nice of a person to deserve this. Don't let people that abuse the trust you gave ruin the rest of your life. Your future is still bright and it's still possible to find someone who won't do what they did. Everyone is different and everyone isn't out there to harm you. It's okay to have walls, but don't make them permanent. Allow them to be broken down if worked hard enough on. The people that truly care will stick around to wait for you to let them in. Remember, you are worth the wait.

Stay positive okay? Don't lose hope in humanity or other people that would treat you right. That's the worst thing you could do. Then, you're only harming yourself. I really hope you do stay strong and if you need anyone to talk to, please PM me. :] You're not alone, we're all behind you and want to help.

Have hope,
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Re: Should I be this bothered? - July 14th 2009, 09:27 PM

Thanks Melissa.

I am very bothered. I just feel like I shouldn't be. She's hurt me so much, I'm not myself at all, I just want to sit in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. I understand that the people who want me most will wait for me to let them in, it's obvious she just likes the chase, the fact she's giving me attention to make me notice her. It won't work.

I need time apart from her, not everyone. It's my 18th birthday in 29 days (yaaay), so I have all my family and friends around me to help me heal, cos I am pretty down. Plus, I suffer from bad anxiety and "mild" depression, and according to her, I'm attention seeking when she knows the kinda crap I've been through. I dunno why I let her in now. Why am I so upset? Why did she do this? She can't of loved me. Urgh, WHY WHY WHY! I'm so angry i just keep screaming

If i ever need you Melissa, I will PM you as you give some bloody good advice. I'm going to go punch my pillow :] lol.

xx
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