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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cancer Man Offline
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I'm really sick of life - July 15th 2009, 10:33 AM

I'm getting desperate. I hate life, I have hated it for quite a while now, but its starting to get unbearable. I don't get a moment of joy or pleasure, and every day seems to be the same horrid, boring thing.

I go to work experience for the day, get home late, get on the computer, and try to blot out my family who are always around me and my computer. I never get any time to myself, I am never alone, and I am never enjoying myself.

This sort of thing has been going on for a few years, but recently it has gotten much worse. I am utterly depressed at work, and really frustrated and annoyed when I'm at home surrounded by my annoying family. Unfortunately I have no freinds, nobody to talk too. I feel so alone, my family knows I am depressed but they don't care at all. They just ignore me unless they want me to go to work or do something else I hate.

I also have no self esteem, and I know I am very unattractive. I would love too know how I look to other people, but I have no girls to ask.

I think I am going mad, I don't think I can take much more. What really scares me is that its just going to get worse. Soon I will get a paying job and be stuck in an eternal depressing limbo forever.

I can't think of anyway out. Its getting harder and harder to get up in the mornings. I don't know what action to take.

I'm not like everyone else. I can't stand work, I don't know how people do it, its killing me.

I hate being around people, because of anxiety and probably because of my annoying family, so I never go out. I don't have my license, and I don't live near town, so it wouldn't be easy for me anyway.

All I really dream for, all I really wish for, is for some time alone. Isn't that sad. I wish I had more to look foward too, but I don't even get some time to myself....
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 15th 2009, 11:22 AM

Why do you hate your job so much exactly and what is it you do?
Why don't you want to be around your family?
Maybe you could get yourself out the house every few days even if it's just for a walk you could have your time alone that you need, its understandable that you want that, everyone needs time alone and to think for themselves and i'ts horrible when people are in your face. But try and go for some walks, go out somewhere and meet some people and you might just gain a good friend, if you don't like being around alot of people then just go out with the one friend every now and then.
And as for being unattractive I'm sure your not, just very self concious.
I hope this helps and just PM me if you want to talk about anything, I'm happy to listen


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 15th 2009, 11:29 AM

Hey. [:

I'm Katrina. Welcome to the boards. I hope you find at least a little bit of what you're hoping to get out of TH. To start, I'm sorry that you're feeling so low lately. I've never quite been in the spot that you're in now, but I do imagine that it's not easy - you're very strong for getting this far.

Sometimes, when I used to feel like I was suffocating mentally in my house, I would grab a towel, a book, and go to the park. There were other people there, but they weren't there to talk to me - they didn't even know me, and thus it helped. It was always very refreshing, so doing something like that might be an idea.

As for work, why don't you like it? I absolutely love where I work, which makes it fun and really motivates me to go in on time, get all my stuff done, and then just do whatever. I really enjoy the people I work with, though, so I think that has a lot to do with it - have you ever considered this possibility? I think it would be fairly horrific to work somewhere where I wasn't friendly with my coworkers.

You know, I think you should talk to someone, because I don't think you deserve to feel this way. I know you've mentioned that you've talked to your family and they know you're depressed, but have you ever taken it a step further, such as to a school counselor or anything? Not only could this help just to let things off and get things off your chest, but if they felt as though you needed to go to someone even "more" professional, like a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist, they could talk to your parents, and your parents might feel as though the request held more validity when coming from a certified counselor.

Self esteem is like this really frustrating cycle. If you feel attractive, you have self esteem. On the other hand, self esteem is sometimes what makes people attractive, in a way. [In my opinion, confidence is the cutest thing ever!] So, I'm not really going to be so good at telling you how to gain self esteem, but I know that this site, even though it's a WikiHow, does give some good advice on how to gain back confidence.

I really hope that things shape up for you - I apologize for this post being so jumbled. =P Take care of yourself, okay?



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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 15th 2009, 02:42 PM

Hiya,

Welcome to TH. My name is EmiLeigh. I'm glad to see you are able to share your problems with us. However, i'm sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment. I think you will be able to get through this though. Just keep hanging on.

If you feel as though your family is beginning to become very irksome, you could always, like Katrina said, grab a book, or sketch pad, or even nothing at all, and wonder yourself to a park or some place you know you can get some quiet time to yourself. This will help you clear your head for a bit, and let you have 'you' time. I think this method would be very beneficial to you.

If you think you can't get away, then maybe take a shower. That's one place I know you will be able to be alone. Take a half hour shower, and I'm sure it will let you be more relaxed and calm. Something like that can also give you 'you' time and help you clear your head.

So why don't you like your job? I know the economy is really though right now and that if you quit now and you probably will have a hard time finding another job. However if you feel like you could take a risk like that, go for it. If not, then I would suggest trying to see the best in your job. Try to make it fun. This may seem a bit far fetched but if you could try to make a game out of what you do, I think you would find work to be more enjoyable.

As for the low self esteem, you could always try to improve it. The site Katrina provided is wonderful. You could also check out self help books from the library. I've done that a few times, and they always make me feel more superior than before I read them. I think they would do you a world of good. “With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights; without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments are beyond your grasp.”

Life can get us down sometimes, you just need to learn to keep your head held high. If you try all of this and you still don't find yourself happy, then maybe therapy would help you. That way you can kinda get some alone time and you can talk about your problems as well. I'm sure a therapist could also help to boost your self esteem.

I really hope things work out for you. PM me anytime if you want to talk more. Take care,
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 15th 2009, 08:55 PM

Hey there,

first off, welcome to TH

I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you. I know that other people have asked, but is there anything in particular about your job that you don't like? And is there any way you could look for a new job? Or if you're afraid that you wouldn't have the skills set or something, you could maybe try taking an online class, which would give you an excuse to get away from the house and to someplace like the library to be away from your family. Could you maybe try going for a walk/run in order to get away from your family, too? That would also give you some alone time.

Have you tried talking to your doctor about how you're feeling? I'm sorry that your family isn't being very supportive, but you deserve to have someone "on your side" in that respect, and a doctor/counselor can be really helpful. And then there's always us here at TH to talk to

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 16th 2009, 01:32 PM

Quote:
Why do you hate your job so much exactly and what is it you do?
Quote:

As for work, why don't you like it? I absolutely love where I work, which makes it fun and really motivates me to go in on time, get all my stuff done, and then just do whatever. I really enjoy the people I work with, though, so I think that has a lot to do with it - have you ever considered this possibility? I think it would be fairly horrific to work somewhere where I wasn't friendly with my coworkers.
Quote:
So why don't you like your job? I know the economy is really though right now and that if you quit now and you probably will have a hard time finding another job. However if you feel like you could take a risk like that, go for it. If not, then I would suggest trying to see the best in your job. Try to make it fun. This may seem a bit far fetched but if you could try to make a game out of what you do, I think you would find work to be more enjoyable.
Quote:
I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you. I know that other people have asked, but is there anything in particular about your job that you don't like? And is there any way you could look for a new job?
Its a job as an assistant Network administrator for a high school. Its just work experience, and I have been there a few months. I feel like I should enjoy it, but I can't. Its long, stressful, confusing, and quite boring. The thing is, apart from perhaps making a movie, or art, or the fun parts of game development or something, I don't know what I wouldn't find boring for a job.

I just don't seem to have the same tollerance as other people. I get bored and sick of doing the same thing over and over again very quickly. I really don't like spending the whole day working, every week day, every week. I don't know how I'm gunna work for the rest of my life, its really depressing.

Quote:
If you feel as though your family is beginning to become very irksome, you could always, like Katrina said, grab a book, or sketch pad, or even nothing at all, and wonder yourself to a park or some place you know you can get some quiet time to yourself. This will help you clear your head for a bit, and let you have 'you' time. I think this method would be very beneficial to you.

If you think you can't get away, then maybe take a shower. That's one place I know you will be able to be alone. Take a half hour shower, and I'm sure it will let you be more relaxed and calm. Something like that can also give you 'you' time and help you clear your head.
Quote:
Sometimes, when I used to feel like I was suffocating mentally in my house, I would grab a towel, a book, and go to the park. There were other people there, but they weren't there to talk to me - they didn't even know me, and thus it helped. It was always very refreshing, so doing something like that might be an idea.


Quote:
Why don't you want to be around your family?
Maybe you could get yourself out the house every few days even if it's just for a walk you could have your time alone that you need, its understandable that you want that, everyone needs time alone and to think for themselves and i'ts horrible when people are in your face. But try and go for some walks, go out somewhere and meet some people and you might just gain a good friend, if you don't like being around alot of people then just go out with the one friend every now and then.
I don't live near anything, just a main road surronded by farms. Nothing to walk too really.

I do go for long showers, but they hang around the bathroom and complain when I am in their too long.

I don't want to be around them because I am absolutely sick of them and the fact that they won't leave me alone, and don't seem to care about me at all. It really frustrates me when they make me do something, but won't listen to what I want. They don't seem to care. I hate them so much sometimes, I feel like a loser letting them and life boss me around.

I also know I would be more pro-active if they wern't around, as I do a lot more when I get time alone, like once a year. It really frustrates me that they are ruining my life.

Quote:
Self esteem is like this really frustrating cycle. If you feel attractive, you have self esteem. On the other hand, self esteem is sometimes what makes people attractive, in a way. [In my opinion, confidence is the cutest thing ever!] So, I'm not really going to be so good at telling you how to gain self esteem, but I know that site, even though it's a WikiHow, does give some good advice on how to gain back confidence.
I'm really sure that I'm not attractive, but I think I could look a lot better if I didnt have bad hair or bad skin, and lost a bit of weight. I find it hard to be confident because I am shy

I have been to shrinks in the past, my family made me.

Thats all the "alone" time I can spare today, So I can't say anything else right now, sorry. Too many people around. I will be back soon. Sorry for the spelling mistakes, I dont have Office, I have dislexia, and I am rushing as fast as I can before everyone finishes watching TV.

Thanks all.
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 17th 2009, 03:24 AM

Hey there,

I'd be frustrated doing something repetitive all day, too. But not all jobs are like that. Maybe try compiling a list of what you like to do, the skills that you have, the experience that you have, what you'd like out of a job, and then based on your list, try to think of jobs that might fit that? Or you could try some sort of online job search to find matches. Or collegeboard actually has a section about what's involved in different careers, if you're interested in looking into that. The link's http://www.collegeboard.com/csearch/...les/index.html

Even if there's not much to walk to, even just going for a walk in and of itself can be time away. Could you try talking to your family about needing more alone time, or space, or whatever? Maybe tell them that you're nineteen, and while you appreciate the time you have with them as a family, you need time for yourself as an independent person, too, to be a functioning and self-sufficient adult, and that you want to work with them, rather than "against" them or whatever, to make that happen? You get to take a stance for yourself - your satisfaction with how and who you are is important.

You could maybe try talking to your doctor about any skin/weight things. I understand how hard self-confidence can be, especially when one's shy. For me, it helps to start off with one thing (for me, it's that I like how I look with silver nail-polish on Yes, I'm a girl ), even if it's small or seemingly inconsequential, that I like about myself. Because then I do at least like something, and can build from there.

You don't need to apologize at all. I'm a bit of a grammar freak and didn't really notice anything egregious, and the writing style was actually pretty cleanly written. So basically, awesome job expressing yourself. No need to apologize.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 17th 2009, 06:24 AM

The only kind of jobs I can see myself even remotely enjoying are very creative jobs, in the entertainment industry. Even then, it would have to be something very interesting, and have me doing different things every day to keep it fresh.

The only real experience I have is in IT, and even then I am not that great, there is so much I do not know. I've actually gotten really rusty since I have been doing work experience at the school.

I feel like I should like it, but I can't lie to myself, I hate it. Then again, I hate work full stop. I don't want to sound like I'm lazy or I'm whiny, but I really can't stand work. It just makes life so dull and depressing. I dont understand how people do it.

I dont think I can really talk to my family, they don't really listen and they aren't very careing. I'm pretty sure they will just get angry if I said I needed time to myself. I guess I could just walk, but its a main road, and I hate walking down the side of a road while large numbers of cars wizz by. I also don't really feel like it when I get home, and plus, in the winter, its dark when I get home.

I think I could fix some weight issues if I had some time to myself, because I generally exercise and feel pretty good on the off chance I get half a day to myself. When I'm not alone though, 99% percent of the time, I don't feel like it and I dont want to do it in front of my prying family.

Unforunatly I seem to have genetically fat upper legs, and I'm not quite sure if I can thin them down or not. I also have fat cheeks and a boxy chin, but I think its more my bone structure than anything else. So.. apart from my stomach, I don't know what I can fix with normal exercise.

My skin is really bad. I use clearisel, but unfortuatnly its still a red, pocket marked, leathery mess. I guess I should go to a docter about it, but I have given up hope of it ever being clear and soft.

I also have very woolly hair. Its straight at the top, but really curly at the tips. It feels very wirey and dry at all times. I can't do anything with it, which is unfortunate because I good hair style could improve my appearance greatly.

This week I was made to sign up with WINS, so I would get some money while I am doing work experience and get help finding work. On monday, in about 2 days, I have to go for an interview at an academy that finds short term work for people or something like that. I didn't get much in the way of details from the phone call. Thats going to be fun........ not.

Ugh, I have to say, I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed myself. Its just the same drab, boring, depressing day, everyday.

Thanks, talk soon.
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 17th 2009, 06:40 AM

Hmm... well, is there any way you could work on finding a job that could at least potentially lead to one in the entertainment industry? Also, I'm not sure what their technical term is, but there are people who are essentially "career advisors" who can help people figure out how to get from where they are to a job that they'd more enjoy.

You don't sound whiny. You're being honest. Until the work situation improves, make sure, then, that you keep doing things for you, that do make you happy - keeping up with your hobbies, watching a favorite movie, stuff like that.

Er, yeah, taking a walk down a busy road would be just a bit unnerving. Is there anywhere like a park or something like that you could drive to? Even if there isn't a park, just going some place like a library would give you some time to yourself.

I'm sorry that your family isn't very understanding. But you are still allowed to insist on having you-time. You get to speak up for your needs. Your family needs to be reminded that they have to respect you as a human being, too.

I really would suggest talking to your doctor about the weight/skin thing, because he/she would most likely have some solutions or at least suggestions to offer. But anyway, please try not to worry about physical appearance too much. More people tend to say, "I really like hanging out with him, he's a really thoughtful person" or something along those lines than "I really like hanging out with him, he has nice hair."

Maybe make a list of things to do that might be fun for you, and find a definite time each day or week or even every other week to do one of them? Or do the same thing, but with new things that you want to try, like sushi or wearing all blue or random things like which can still shake up your day. And coming up with interesting things is at least in itself a challenge.

Hang in there. Hope you end up having an awesome day


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 19th 2009, 10:33 AM

Sorry I haven't said anything for a while, I have been busy.

Sunday night, got work and the interview tommorow. I am really not looking forward too it, but there is no avoiding it. I still don't really know much about what I am being interviewed for, as the guy from WINS didn't tell me that much over the phone. Oh well, I guess I will play it by year.

As usual, my family controlled every aspect of it, giving me little choice, and when I tried to make some of my own decisions they got really angry and told me they are never helping me again. They printed out my CV and got bank details and all that without me knowing or asking them to do it, and they put it into a folder, and then they got angry that I didn't do anything to get ready or that I don't care. If they just let me do it myself maybe I would care more. They do that sort of thing all the time, so I hardly care, because I don't get any independance, and I don't get to make any choices. I'm 19, but apparently i'm 10 to them.

I know I gotta get more independance, but I feel like I'm in some kind of Limbo state, Like I'm just a zombie, I don't have any hope or motivation to get out of this mess. That doesn't really make any sense. I'm trying to say that, from a combination of hating life, hating work, never having any enjoyment or time to myself, and from never having any control or independance, I have no care for life or whats happening to me. I just go with it, hopeing one day I will escape this hell.

I can't think of anything to look foward too. After I finish the interview, I go straight back to work experience, and I will be doing that until either I get the job, and go straight to another job, or continue working for free ( for like the 3rd month, working for nothing). I can't think of anything to keep me going. I hate work.....

Getting out of bed is going to be very hard..... and every time I come to a point in my life where all I see before me is pain, it gets just that little bit harder to lift my head in the mornings...
   
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Re: I'm really sick of life - July 20th 2009, 03:35 AM

Hey there,

no worries. Being busy can be a good thing

But I'm sorry to hear that your family has been kind of frustrating. Is there any way you could sit your parents down to talk to them, or even just write them a note, to explain how you appreciate all the help they're trying to give you, but that now you need their to be independent, by letting you function with more space? Maybe try letting them know that while it's great that they want to help you in what you do, you need to be able to help yourself, and that you know that you can go to them if you need help, but that if you need help, you will go to them and would prefer that they not just step in right away?

Is there anyone like a friend or uncle or other relative you could maybe see about staying with, so that you have more space and can tell your family that you're going to try to function more on your own that way? Sort of a "trial independence" thing?

Hang in there. Eventually, work will sort itself out, and you'll be able to find a situation that you like and will be able to move out of your house. You just get to have the ride involved in finding that first. Where you eventually hope to get, who you want to be, what you hope for, the people you've yet to meet - those are all reasons to keep going. And the fact that you're important, all by yourself, is a reason, too.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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