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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Average Joe
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Name: Brittany
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Nevada

Posts: 102
Join Date: February 10th 2009

its getting bad. - July 16th 2009, 01:11 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

the thoughts of suicide are getting really bad again, I just don't see the point of living such a pathetic life.

I cannot find a job for my life, it's just like I am not qualified even to work at a fastfood place or anything. its upsetting because I got through high school, I didn't have a horrible gpa, and I am really trying to save some money for college which starts in like a week.

and also. being gay. it's fucking stupid. I shouldn't feel this way. just when I feel normal.... someone comes along and upsets me. this lady when I was doing my shopping saw two ladies holding hands. I looked at them and smiled because I thought it was cute. then the other lady watchng said to be, it's differnet and weird isn't it. I felt ashamed. I feel terrible. and I am in love with a striahgt girl.... its pathetic.

this girl just causes me soo much pain, she's one of my closest friends, but I love her so much.

I started selfharming again two days ago.

its just like I have hit rock bottom. I don't want to live in pain any longer.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
SpiderHan03 Offline
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Average Joe
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Name: Han
Gender: Female

Posts: 113
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Join Date: July 15th 2009

Re: its getting bad. - July 16th 2009, 01:56 AM

My god... I'm so sorry you feel this way. Suicidal thoughts consume every part of your being... I know...

But in the end when you're happy again, you will look back and be thankful that you were spared.

If I can do anything to help you, to talk when you're feeling depressed and suicidal, I'm here. PM me. I know what it's like to want to die and to self harm. There are others like you. You will never be alone.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its getting bad. - July 16th 2009, 02:01 AM

well if you've hit bottom there is no where to go but up.
you're life is not pathetic.
so, times are tough but that doesn't mean life isn't worth living, it really is.
just because you've hit a rough spot in your life doesn't mean that you won't be okay again.
you just have to keep fighting to pull through everyday.
it's going to be okay.

there's nothing wrong with being gay.
it must be hard to be in love with your friend that's straight though.
maybe you should try to stay away from here for awhile until these feelings stop if being around her is that hard.
you just have to realize that she is straight so it probably won't happen and try your hardest to move on. i know, it's easier said than done but that's okay.
is there anywhere around you where you could meet other people that you could date?
that might be helpful, meeting others.

why don't you talk to somebody about your suicidal feelings; family, friends, what about counselling. That's always good and can be quite helpful! Talking is a good thing. So I think you should let somebody in! If you feel that you are going to act on these suicidal impulses then i think you need to call either a suicide hotline or check yourself into a local hospital! you will get through this and you will be much happier that you survived someday.

hang in there.
pm me anytime <3

when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
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Re: its getting bad. - July 16th 2009, 03:09 AM

Hey Brittany,


I'm so sorry that you're feeling down, honey. But hitting rock bottom just means that there's no where to go but up.

On the suicidal thoughts... please remember that you are always worth life, everything about you is, Brittany. No matter what any self-condemnation may say, you deserve to live and shine as you are. Have you told anyone about how you've been feeling again, lately? Telling your doctor might be a good idea.

And I'm really sorry about the shopping experience. But there's nothing wrong with being gay. You should be really proud of yourself for being way more open-minded and nonjudgemental than the other lady was being. We're supposed to accept everyone as God made them, regardless of what society might think. You're way more on your way there than she was.

Please don't hurt yourself. I know that things can hurt so much at times, but in the end SHing doesn't really solve or change anything and just adds another problem to deal with. And we don't need to add anything more to our plates than we already have. Instead of SHing, maybe try writing down affirming things about you, reminding you of how awesome you really are, things you should like about you.

Hang in there, hun. PM me anytime

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
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