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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I hate myself. - July 16th 2009, 10:24 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm not very well. Bipolar, I think they called it. Me? Bipolar? Yeah right, don't make me laugh. Mood goes UP, mood comes down...
It's always the same. Doesn't make me bipolar though, does it?
Just because I think of suicide every waking moment, it doesn't mean there's a problem with me.
Just because I haven't eaten in 4 days, it doesn't mean that I have an eating disorder, does it?
I hate it. I hate myself and I hate my life!
   
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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 12:58 AM

er well yea 4 days without eatins is unhealthy
   
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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 01:40 AM

LJ, you shouldn't hate yourself because of these things. Life is tough, and sometimes we don't always deal with things that happen to us in life in the best of ways. But that doesn't make you a bad person, that doesn't mean that you should hate yourself.

Have you ever talked to anyone about your moods, or your problems with eating? I know for a fact that there are a lot of people that will be willing to help you. You may see yourself in a negative light, but that doesn't mean that other people do as well. They'll be willing to help you with these emotions, because there are a lot of people who care about you, I'm sure.

You may have some issues you're dealing with, but don't be angry with yourself because of them. No one can be perfect, but you shouldn't let that bring you down. Your life can getter better, LJ, you just need to try your best to pull through these things. I truly believe that you can.

Have you been officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, or been to a doctor involving your symptoms? If not, it might be a good idea to get in touch with someone who can help you with some of the emotional problems that you're struggling with. We all deal with these kind of things, and there are a lot of people who can understand what you're going through, so I wouldn't be afraid to speak up about what you're currently dealing with.

As for your issues with eating, have you ever addressed the reason you feel hesitant to be eating? Going to a doctor about this as well, probably wouldn't be a bad idea. If you feel that you would like to be at healthier way, there are a lot of better ways to do that rather than not eating all together. If you're having a hard time sticking to a healthy eating plan, whether it's excessive eating or a lack of eating, going to a doctor about this could really help you, and is extremely important in order to remain healthy.

I know you're feeling down about all of these things, but what you're going through can definitely be fixed, it's just going to have to involve a bit of effort on your part, something I know that you're 100% capable of. Think about talking to someone who can help you, involving both of these problems. You deserve to be happy with your life and yourself, and speaking up could very well make a huge difference for you.

Feel free to PM me anytime. Hang in there





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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 04:01 AM

Hi LJ,

*hugs*

I'm so sorry that you're feeling down. But no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Everybody has stuff to deal with. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the people dealing with it.

Um, I obviously can't diagnose ED's or anything, but I would suggest eating something. Start off small-ish; you don't want to freak out your stomach. I've noticed that my mood tends to plummet more if I haven't eaten, and it's harder to think straight. And you deserve to take care of yourself, anyway. Like Amanda said, talking to someone about your eating habits is probably a good idea; I have a friend who's been dealing with an ED for years, now, and the sooner you start addressing eating issues, the easier they are to beat. And you don't deserve to hurt anymore that you already have; I care about you, and I guess I just don't want you to have to go through what my friend's gone through with her ED.

And please take care of yourself. You deserve to live while living, if that makes any sense. Have you talked to anyone lately about the suicidal thoughts? Having support "actually there" is really important.

And of course, we're always here. We do care about you. A lot.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime


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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 05:33 AM

Hey,

I think that the fact that you are getting help is so good and you should stick with it. I know you might not like the diagnoses right now but with time you will come to accept it. And, getting help will help things improve so please hang in there.

The fact that you think about suicide all the time is not normal and in getting help, hopefully, these thoughts will start to subside and then you will start to feel a little bit happier with life. But, thinking of suicide doesn't mean there is something wrong with you it just means that you are feeling kind of sad at the moment.

As for the eating; four days is a long time to go without eating, is it intentional or do you do it because you aren't hungry? Either way, you should take care of yourself and you should talk to someone about your eating patterns and explain your concerns to them; they could help you through all of this.

Please hang in there and if you need anything don't hesitate to pm me.

~Jenna~


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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 05:30 PM

Tried to kill myself again. Few pills, bottle of vodka, slashed my wrist. Not enough though. Ended up in hospital in the early hours of this morning, stayed for a couple of hours where they sent me home. Nice. Nice to know they REALLY cared about me. I try to talk to people in the real world, but no one wants to listen.
   
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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 06:08 PM

Technically we are the real world, just most of us are far away...
Try not thinking about suicide. Read a book get lost in someone else's problems. Hospitals do have a lot of people going in and out of them so they're just too busy to notice. Which is awful, but its the way it works.
There are people who will listen outside of here. You could try focusing on finding and getting to know people who you think will understand you or at least listen. If you find someone you can call here that would work too.

Just remember that just because you think something will fail doesn't mean it will and if you don't try to do something about your problems you'll never know what would have happened otherwise. So in otherwords you don't know something will make you happy unless you try it. I mean what do you have to lose?
   
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Re: I hate myself. - July 17th 2009, 08:15 PM

Meh, I can't take this anymore. Sorryyy, x
Thanks for the help, x
   
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Re: I hate myself. - July 18th 2009, 04:21 AM

LJ!

Honey, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low. But I'm glad that you didn't succeed in killing yourself. You are cared about, really, really cared about. I care about you, a lot. You can always talk to me.

And you deserve to demand to be heard. Could you make your parents listen? Sit them down and tell them to hear what you have to say, because you need help? Please hang in there, you can do this. You'll get through this. And we're not going anywhere until you do.

Hang in there. Love ya <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I hate myself. - July 18th 2009, 12:30 PM

dancer is right sit down and try to talk to your parents.
People care about you some of them are afraid to show it. I care about you. You're a great person and even though your going through tough times you try to help others as well.

Maybe there is a reason you haven't succeded in killing yourself. You're supposed to do something great I know it.
   
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