TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
<3
I've been here a while
********
 
Through-Glass's Avatar
 
Name: Jessi
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Eastern Tennessee

Posts: 1,323
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Exclamation Nothing will ever be the same. - July 17th 2009, 04:07 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My relationship of nearly three years has fallen apart, and I don't know how to fix it. We've been a major part of each other's lives for so long, I don't even know how to function anymore.

I feel as though I'm going through these psychotic, bi-polar episodes; one moment, I miss him terribly and want to get back together. The next, I'm just unsure and apprehensive about reuniting. It's driving me insane to keep swinging like this; in the morning, I was in tears and could barely stop crying. Then I was bubbly and happy for the rest of the day. Now, I'm just depressed and lonely and...desperate. This shit has to STOP.

I hate myself. I'm not worthy of living. I'm fat, ugly, unlovable, stupid, unhelpful, selfish and whiny.

I'm losing hope. I'm just being stupid; I should be better by now. It's not as if I have REAL problems, or anything. Yet I've been feeling miserable for six fucking years, and I can't seem to get out of it. I can't seem to pull myself out of this hole that I've been digging since I was a kid. I feel all alone, and I don't know how to cope anymore.

All of these things combined have led me to the only two things I think of in desperate times; suicide and self-harm. I couldn't stop cutting earlier, it was as though I was sewn to the blade. Now, I feel as though death is the only way out of this. I will never get better, I will never amount to anything. If I continue living, I will still be like this thirty years from now. I will be alone, without a career, without passion--only depression and cutting. That's all I'll have in the end.

I don't want that. I have to get out of this. I can't continue on this way, nor do I deserve a chance at a better life. I'm through with all of this.

I guess I really need some support right now. I feel awful for even asking for help, but I don't know what else to do.


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
  Send a message via Yahoo to Through-Glass  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Nothing will ever be the same. - July 17th 2009, 04:35 AM

Hi Jessi,

*hugs*

*hugs again*

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful, hun. But you should be proud of yourself for asking for help - it's at least some sort of self-care, rather than self-harm thing, and in moments when we feel bad being self-caring can be really hard. So I'm really proud of you for posting.

Any problem is a real problem. Just because something is more or less "serious" doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt just as much. What you feel is perfectly valid.

But honey, I promise, there are other solutions besides self-harm and suicide. Always. And anyway, the best way out is through. And we'll find a way through this.

Have you tried talking to a doctor at all about how you've been feeling? She/he'd probably have some ideas on how to tackle how low you've been feeling for a while. Or is there anyone else you could talk to about how you've been feeling, and about the break up? Like a parent, or aunt or cousin or neighbor or friend or even a friend's parent? You deserve to have support in what you're going through. And of course, we're always here to listen.

Please don't hate yourself. Working on loving yourself is one way to start assuring yourself that yes, you can function outside of that relationship. Yes, there are important people in our lives and it can feel devastating when they leave, but they don't completely define our lives. You're a really important part of it, too. And you are not fat, ugly, unlovable, stupid, unhelpful, selfish, whiny, or any other such nonsense. You are a gorgeous, completely lovable, helpful, thoughtful person who is reaching out for help.

Working on self-confidence might help a lot, too. Maybe try finding one thing, even if it's small or seemingly inconsequential, that you do like about yourself, and hang on to that. When you're confident in liking that, build from there.

Hang in there. Because you're worth hanging in there for. Who you are now, the person you've yet to find out you'll be, the dreams you have, the family and friends you're important to, the people you've yet to meet and be important part of the lives of, you're worth so much, Jessi.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
You're the Original <3
Outside, huh?
**********
 
MadPoet's Avatar
 
Name: Amanda.
Age: 24
Gender: Female.
Location: Michigan.

Posts: 4,685
Blog Entries: 121
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Nothing will ever be the same. - July 17th 2009, 04:56 AM

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way Jessi ):

But don't feel awful for seeking help. You've helped a lot of people on this site, on the forums and on HL, and I know that no one would disagree that you've earned help and support, and that you definitely deserve it.

It's never easy when any kind of relationship comes to end, and how you're feeling right now is completely understandable. But don't let this incident make you feel as if life is not worth living.

No one can give you an exact estimate of how much longer you're going to feel this way, or how many days or weeks it will be before you are able to feel truly happy again. I know it's difficult to have no idea of when things are going to get better for you, but the important thing to remember is that they are going to get better.

There are a lot of people in the world, a lot of people who care about you, and who would be devastated if they no longer had you in their lives. Just because one person may no longer be in your life as they used to be, does not mean that you are alone, does not mean that you have no one else who still cares about you, and who still needs you in their life.

Don't blame this on yourself, either. No one has a perfect history with relationships, but it's not your fault. Sometimes things just don't work out. It doesn't mean that it's anyone's fault, it's often just the way things go. It's not fair, it hurts, but the thing is - it's not worth your life.

Do you have anyone that you could call up and talk to? A friend, a family member? Someone who can talk you through this? You're a strong person, Jessi. Your problems are just as real as anyone else, and you deserve to feel happy, you deserve to have help when you need it. This may seem like the end of the world right now, it may seem like you have only 6 more years of cutting and depression ahead of you, but in 3 months from now, you never know where you'll be. There's a lot of possibilities in the world, so don't give up on them just yet.

I believe in you, and I know you can get through this.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,929
Blog Entries: 1796
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: Nothing will ever be the same. - July 17th 2009, 06:45 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry that this is happening but please don't give up because things can and will get better with time. You should not feel awful for seeking help because everyone needs to ask for help on occasion and you deserve the help because you do DESERVE a chance at a good life.

The ending of a relationship is hard to deal with and the way you are feeling is okay but don't let it tear you down because you can make it through this you just have to give yourself time to heal.

Do you think that you could find someone to talk to about all of this? I know it might be hard but talking really can help in times like this. Also talking will give you a way to deal with your emotions in a positive way instead of through self-harm.

I know that you feel alone but I am sure you are not; I am sure there are a lot of people in your life that care dearly about you and wouldn't want you to be hurting so much. Try to think of them when you feel alone( I do that) it might help you out.

Please hang in there and if you need anything my pm box is always open.

~Jenna~


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
<3
I've been here a while
********
 
Through-Glass's Avatar
 
Name: Jessi
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Eastern Tennessee

Posts: 1,323
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Nothing will ever be the same. - July 17th 2009, 10:27 PM

Thank you all so much for your responses. It means a lot to have your support.

The thing is, Scott and I aren't broken up. We're trying to work things out...but it's just so hard. There's so much stress involved in rebuilding our relationship, and I just wish things were back to the way they used to be. I miss what we had, and I'm so unsure about what we currently have.

Today was just as crazy; I was so happy. I got my first paycheck, went and spent most of it on stuff I've been meaning to buy. I was with Scott and Marissa, and it was just great. Then, all of the sudden, it was as if I hit a brick wall. I was so high, and now I'm so low. I could handle being depressed all the time better than this. I can't stand not knowing how to feel, or being able to predict one moment from the other. The question isn't "how am I feeling today", it's "how am I feeling in this moment".

I just don't feel like I can recover. I am so sick of therapy and medication and alternatives, I'm so sick of trying. It's so much work, and yet I get nothing in return. What's the point of even trying?


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
  Send a message via Yahoo to Through-Glass  
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
love, anonymous
I've been here a while
********
 
dancer's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Nothing will ever be the same. - July 18th 2009, 05:47 AM

Hi Jessi,

well, always glad to at least try to help. You'll always have our support

Relationships can get messy, and that's always really hard. But even seemingly broken relationships can be healed, and made stronger instead of scarred for it. I don't know if there is such a thing as a "perfect relationship," and ones that do go through rough patches but which the people in them are able to work through prove that they're just that more viable, because the rough patch didn't break them. And if things don't end up working out, it's not that the relationship was "weak" or anything; it just wasn't the best thing for the people in it at that point, and it's better for them both to be in a healthier place than chained to something that wasn't good for them.

So basically, whatever happens, it'll be okay Keep hanging in there - I know it sucks, waiting, but time really can be a tremendous band aid for things like relationships.

Sometimes I tend to think of how that feels as an emotional plummet, a lot of times caused by "emotional overload" - stressful, or happy. Or a mix of the two. Whenever emotions are buzzing for a while in any sort of way, sometimes I feel like there comes a point where it's like, "okay, I just can't do this anymore" and how we feel just goes kaput. Watching yourself for times like those can be helpful, so that you can find ways to "moderate" how you're feeling, or "unwind" pent up emotions of any kind. I'm not saying to hold back on being happy, but if you do start to feel an emotional overturn, maybe focus on something involving milder engagement, so that your emotions can sort of channel into that without having to come to such an abrupt stop. I'm not sure if I'm explaining what I mean well... I hope this maybe makes some sense...

The point of trying is that eventually, things will be easier with you having to try to get them that way. "What's worth the prize is always worth the fight." And your happiness is definitely worth hanging in there for.

And you, of course, you are the point, too. Who you are, who you want to be, what you want to do, what you hope for, what you want to do Friday night three weeks from now or three months from now or three years from now, that's the point. You matter, you mean something. You are your own self-sufficient point, all by yourself.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,929
Blog Entries: 1796
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: Nothing will ever be the same. - July 18th 2009, 09:07 AM

Hey,

I am glad that you two are trying to work things out and like Dancer said it can be healed so please just hang in there and keep on being patient(I know it sucks).

As for being tired of therapy and medicine and trying in general; I get like that too sometimes and that's okay but you have to try and remind yourself that the reason you try is so you can get better. Believe me I know how tiring it all gets but not trying gets tiring after a while to(I don't know if that makes a lot of sense) but the end result of trying is a lot better than the end result of not trying so please hang in there.

When you get in a phase where you just feel like giving up maybe you could try and write down the reason's that you keep on trying? Your family, your friends, your future etc; I know that that has helped me in the past.

As for your moods being up and down have you considered talking to your doctor about it? I know that sucks(I just recently had to consult my doctor about my moods) but it might help you out, you know?

Please hang in there and know that things will get better.

If you ever want to talk my pm box is always open and I hope this helped some

~Jenna~


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.